Mind Over Matter
by SubtlePen
Summary: Set in the 6 week 'blank period' at the end of Eclipse/beginning of Breaking Dawn, between the newborn battle, and the wedding. Bella and Edward expand and deepen their physical relationship in preparation for their impending marriage. AU, CITRUS!
1. Mind Over Matter

**This was my very first ever fan fiction.** i began this story almost a year ago, not long after seeing Twilight the movie for the first time. I look back on it now, and cringe at some of the things I'd now do differently as a writer, but i'm hoping you'll enjoy the story anyway. it has been very well received *on another site* and multiple readers have requested that i post it here, as well. I am posting it in its original form, rather than trying to go back and re-write to suit my current skill level. I hope you can overlook some of its quirks.

Mind Over Matter is set in the 'blank period' at the end of Eclipse / beginning of Breaking Dawn, between the newborn battle and the wedding. I was always dissatisfied with the progression of their relationship from barely able to kiss, to going on their honeymoon. In this corner of their AU, Bella and Edward expand and deepen their physical and emotional relationship in preparation for their impending marriage.

This is a topic that has been now covered by many writers. Please keep in mind that I began this story last November, before many of them had been written. Since that time, quite a few WONDERFUL fics have tackled this subject with beautiful results. I hope you enjoy my version.

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posting this story will not interfere with my work on other projects, and i hope to upload a new chapter of M.O.M. once a week, perhaps more, as time allows.

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_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

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_**EDWARD**_

I slid Bella's bedroom window open, and climbed in. I knew she was still downstairs with Charlie. I waited in the rocking chair, in the dark corner of her room, where I have spent so many nights watching her sleep.

I heard her wish Charlie good night, and then her footsteps on the stairs. She rummaged around in the bathroom, and then I heard the shower. She would take a long one tonight, still trying to get rid of the memories of the recent battle. Eventually the water shut off, and I heard her dress and hang up her towel.

She came into the room and closed the door behind her. The chair creaked under my weight. She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound.

"It's just me, Bella."

She sighed, and walked to the bed, patting the spot next to her.

"I'm glad you came. I hate trying to sleep without you."

She wiggled under the covers to protect herself from the ice of my presence. I lay down next to her, my head against hers. I would stay like this until she fell asleep, her breathing even, murmuring my name in her dreams, the perfume of her breathing soothing to my mind.

"I've been thinking, …about our deal," she said, "about getting married."

I hoped she was considering waiting another year to be changed, even getting excited about college. Or perhaps coming to her senses about the demand she'd made for our honeymoon. I kissed her head, buried my face in the clean smell of her damp hair.

"Yes, love…?" I didn't want to appear too hopeful. I knew she would be instantly defensive.

"Well, I've been thinking about my request. About our wedding night."

I froze, afraid of what she was up to. There were some things on which I was willing to compromise, but we had a deal. I would change her myself, but only after we were married. Her unfortunate stipulation was that she fully experience our wedding night as a human. "I…"

"Wait, Edward. Let me finish. Remember the first time I sat next to you in biology? It took all your effort not to kill me on the spot, and then you took a week in Denali to recuperate."

"I remember." The lab table where I sat still held the marks from my fingers digging into the wood as I fought to retain control.

"And then, our day in the meadow? Even after weeks together in class, and that drive back form Port Angeles, you could barely stand my face near yours."

"I remember Bella, and that's why I'm so terrified of hurting you, of even killing you, if I ever overestimate my control. You have no idea how conflicted I am to agree to that particular demand."

"How do we manage it then, Edward, laying here like this, night after night? How are you able to stop me, stop yourself, when all I want to do is feel your hands on my body?"

"Practice." As soon as the word was out of my mouth, I knew what she was getting at.

"Exactly. Tell me, if all you have practiced is laying beside me while I sleep, how well do you think you will be able to rein yourself in on our wedding night? If you're not ready, prepared, you WILL kill me."

"Bella, I, I can't. I can't. I won't negotiate this with you"

"Edward, you have to. You have to build up to this. Do you think that all of a sudden on our honeymoon you'll be able to do more than kiss me as usual, without knowing if you can stop, without knowing if you can keep yourself from killing me when we finally make love?" Her voice was soft, almost trembling, pleading. "I don't want to spend my wedding night alone in our bed, with you angry at yourself, unable to touch me like a husband."

"I work at it. When I'm away from you, alone. I force myself to think about you."

"Is that enough, Edward?"

"It's torture enough, knowing what I might do to you."

She slowly sat up in bed, and wriggled out from under the blankets. The thin cotton of her pajamas and the pants and shirt I wore would be the only barriers between us, aside from my fear. I could see the goose bumps on her skin, the subtle tremor that ran through her body as she lay back down quietly beside me. I wanted to run away, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to devour her. I wanted to erase the images now in my head.

"Touch me, Edward."

"Bella!" I hissed. She didn't move.

I kept my hands to myself. Her scent awoke desires in me I couldn't acknowledge. I rolled from my back to face her, my mouth inches from hers. "I love you Bella, and I can't do this."

Silently, she reached out to touch me with one hand to caress my face. Our eyes were locked, mine pleading her not to push. She kissed me, her hand resting on my chest. The feather touch of her warm lips on mine was hesitant. I closed my eyes again and kissed her back. Normally this was all the encouragement she needed to mold her body to mine, to run her hands through my hair and pull me closer, to part her lips and taste mine, to urge me on with the movements of her body. She knew from experience I would only be able to handle a few moments of that before it would have to stop. But this time she stayed perfectly still as I kissed her. I felt the pull of her blood, the pulsing at her throat only millimeters away. My body wanted to accept her invitation, to feel my skin on hers. Behind it all was the fear of what I might do to her next.

"Bella…," my voice shook with the effort to resist.

"Edward, don't push me away. Just one hand. Will yourself to touch me, Edward. Will yourself to control it. You tasted my blood, in Phoenix, and I survived. I know you can do this."

She was right. I closed my eyes and breathed deep of her floral scent, agonizing. You can do this, I told myself. It's just my hand.

I lifted my hand and froze above her heart. Where to touch her? What can I do, how much can I take, how far can I push myself?

She took her hand off my chest and slowly rolled onto her back, her arm now under her head, her eyes still fixed on mine. My hand hovered above her, quivering from the restraint. The moonlight from the window outlined her shape. The thin cotton shirt she slept in was snug across her breasts, I could hear her pounding heart, see it making the fabric tremble in time to its beat. Her knees were bent, soft flannel draping her legs and belly. I was astounded at her control, to lay there and not reach out to me.

I put my hand lightly on her ribcage, below one breast, my fingers wrapped around her side. She gasped, and held her breath, eyes locked on my face.

"Breathe." The command, to myself as much as to her, came out more of a groan.

She closed her eyes and exhaled, then inhaled deeply, intoxicating herself with my own scent. I fought to focus. I was amazed at the fragility of her ribs beneath her top, the sound of the air moving in and out, the oxygen enriching her blood, the fragrance of her breath in my face. I hesitantly moved my thumb, grazing the outer curve of her beautiful breast, once, twice. I have had my arms around this body before, caressed this face, felt the urgency in an all too brief embrace. But never have I felt this tied to her, felt the vulnerability in both of us, before this touch. She gave me this exquisite moment, and asked for nothing else. I have not compromised my conscience, she has let me find my own limit. I can touch her.

I lowered my head to lay it against hers again, keeping my hand on her warm, delicate body, and closed my eyes to remember every sensation of this moment. The warm curve of her breast, the crushing tension of my restraint, the satisfaction of the accomplishment in this one simple touch.

_**Bella**__  
_  
His delicious scent surrounded me. I could feel his cool breath on my face. He slowly moved his thumb along the curve of my covered breast. My entire consciousness was focused on that small caress. His hand was the center of the universe. My imagination ran wild all at once; my hands on his nakedness, his hands exploring, his weight above me, my body heating his, my legs twined around his waist, our movements. I swallowed hard, my throat dry. I had to let him decide, he had to be in command of this moment if we had any chance to build on it. We both battled mind over matter, to protect each other, to protect the future we both wanted.

*****

_**Edward**_

We stayed like that for a long time, our only movements were her ragged breathing, and my hand. "You're so beautiful, Bella, so warm and perfect. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," she whispered. Hearing her say those words, so quietly and tenderly, was like the sun on my face, or a soothing balm on a wound. Calming. Satisfying. I moved my hand around to her back and pulled her against me, burying my face in her hair. I hadn't realized the immense tension in her body until she sighed, and relaxed into my arms. We'd both crossed the biggest hurdle we faced – trusting ourselves and each other, allowing us to work through this. We were silent a long time, absorbing our new closeness.

"I know you've thought of me as a prude, or some sort of twisted ascetic, but I'm not. I have _appetites, _Bella. I experience intense hunger, feel desire, and have vivid fantasies. Humans are sexual beings, and becoming a vampire multiplies all the physical urges we already have, and we become instinctual, hunger-driven beings dominated by our lusts. That's why the first year is so hard – we're consumed with bloodlust, a desire so intense that most of us confuse it with carnal lust, and it all becomes fused into one thing. Feeding can be very arousing, to us. But the lifestyle we lead with Carlisle is based in resisting the urge to take human blood, allowing us to live amongst you all these years rather than looking at the world like an enormous grocery store. Which is how I was able to resist you, at first. Well, sort of resist you."

She smiled at me, remembering how I had avoided her for a week. I kissed her cheek.

"Nothing I'd ever experienced in my entire existence was as enticing as you. On top of that, consider how I was raised - in a time where sexuality wasn't discussed, wasn't explored openly, or celebrated like it is now, at least it wasn't in the Masen household. Your first kiss happened at the altar, pleasuring yourself was a shameful sin, and intercourse was intended only for reproduction. Some acts that are commonplace now were absolutely taboo back then, ones that only the dirtiest, most depraved and debauched people would perform. So, when we are turned, we essentially stay the same as the day we were bitten. We stop aging, we stop growing, our personalities are essentially fixed. We can learn, we develop relationships, we can adapt to change around us, but the kernel of who we are, the things ingrained in us before we were turned, don't really change. So I have all the human needs within me, compounded with all the vampire stuff, at war with an upbringing that precludes me from acting on any of it. I guess in that regard I was well suited to join Carlisle."

She kissed me this time, and remained silent.

"I've always refused to entertain thoughts of women in a purely sexual context. It degrades not only them but myself, as well. I never imagined I'd experience a relationship anything like what Carlisle and Esme, or my brothers and sisters, have. And then I met you. I desperately want to share all of those things with you, Bella. But I'm terrified of hurting you. I agree that I have to work on this, and I know that some magical switch won't suddenly be flipped on our weding day allowing me to be a husband to you. But I also need to work on the part of me that spent the last century repressing it all, ignoring the sexual revolution swirling around me in a million thoughts, every day for the last 50 years. It took a hundred years to refine the delicate balance you see before you – the physical desires of a teenage boy, a strict Victorian upringing, and an instinctual vampiric need for instant gratification. My brothers and sisters don't generally appreciate the subtlety in that balance. They think of me as frustrated and repressed, or closet homosexual. That couldn't be further from the truth. I know that the way I was raised was stilted, even appalling by today's standards. I can't change that. I want a physical relationship with you Bella, I want to give you every pleasure you deserve, I want to share everything our bodies are capable of. I do want that. I'm trying to get there, I just can't for a moment forget what I am."

_**Bella**_

I touched his face, kissing him softly. He responded in kind. All I wanted to do was cling to him, and never let go. It took all my concentration not to ruin this moment. I wanted him to know I was capable of restraint too, and that we could do this if we continued to trust each other. I could feel his conflicted will, to devour me, to claim my body, to preserve my soul. It only endeared him to me more.

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thank you again for reading.... click that little green button...

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	2. Alice's Gift

BPOV - 2

The bridal shower was sweet. I knew Alice wanted to host a grand soiree, but she did a good job keeping it small to appease me. There were candles, white twinkle lights and roses everywhere. We had cake and punch, those of us that eat, that is, and they showered me with gifts. Negligees, lace thongs, impossibly delicate silk bras, massage oils, books, all of it horribly embarrassing. I white-knuckled my way through it, and Alice was delighted.

I thanked everyone for coming, and tried to help Esme clean up. Of course, she and Rosalie had already finished.

Alice drove me home. "Thanks Alice, that was wonderful. You always plan the best parties." She grinned her pixie grin, golden eyes twinkling. _She's up to something_. "Love you, Bella! Have a good night." My suspicion was growing. We hugged, and I went inside.

Charlie was sitting in his usual spot, watching a recap of the day's sporting events on the 10 o'clock news. "Hi, Dad."

"Hey, Bells. Have fun? Get lots of goodies?"

"You can't even imagine, and you don't want to see."

"Oh, yeah. Right." Half that stuff would have curled his toes to think about me wearing. The least I could do was spare him the embarrassment.

"It was a lot of fun, but I'm beat, Dad. I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Night, Bella."

It had been a long day. All I wanted to do was take a long hot shower and wait for Edward upstairs. Jasper and Emmett had taken him out for a little 'boys night' that I wasn't sure I wanted to hear about. Emmett had said "Clubbing in Seattle is sort of like shopping is for Alice. You admire hundreds of temptations, and come home empty handed. Except she never comes home empty handed. Damn it, you get the idea. Hey, Rose won't be empty handed, later, either."

"Gross, Emmett. Stop." _Save it for Rose._

Jazz, I'm sure, would never last long in that environment, but Emmett wouldn't bring Edward back for hours. I hated trying to sleep without him.

I trudged up the stairs with all my little bags of lace and silk, dumped them on the floor and headed for the shower. Alice was testing makeup colors for the wedding, and I just wanted to scrub it all off.

I found a box, about the size of a shoebox, but narrower, wrapped in thick red paper on the bathroom counter. The note said "from Alice." She must have snuck in here in the minute and a half I was downstairs with Charlie.

My hands shook as I opened the small card.

_ Bella,_

_ I know how cautious Edward is, and I know how much your wedding night means to you. Please don't be embarrassed. I want you to be ready._

_ Love,_

_ Alice _

This can't be good, or she would have given it to me at the party. What on earth could be more embarrassing than massage oil and a copy of the Kama Sutra, in front of Esme, that she couldn't give it to me earlier?

My hands shook as I tore the waxy red paper. Underneath it was a benign-looking white box, until I turned it over.

"Gaaah!" I dropped it on the floor with a thud. _Damn you Alice, you have got to be kidding me._

There at my feet lay the largest pink rubber penis I'd ever seen, but that wasn't saying much, since I'd _never_ seen one. I stood there for a minute, staring at it. _Holy crap_. Then I looked a little closer at the box at my feet. "Waterproof variable speed personal massager." I got the giggles. Never in a million years could I imagine anything more revolting, and yet mesmerizing. I picked up the box, and noticed how heavy it was. Of course. Batteries. I opened the box, and there in my hand was this _thing_ - not quite as long as my forearm, but about the diameter of my wrist. She couldn't possibly be trying to tell me Edward was…? Shit, shit, **shit!**

If Edward came at me with something that big, I'd run away screaming. I looked at myself in the mirror, and almost didn't recognize myself, holding it. I was still holding it. It was warm, and the silicone was sort of sticky, velvety.

Um. Yeah.

I looked at it again, closer. It was kind of sculptural, realistic. At least, from my extremely limited (nonexistent) experience, and ignoring its freakish size, it seemed a rather artistic rendering. Of a penis. In pink silicone. I got the giggles again. It seemed to be staring at me.

"No way."

I set Pink down on the counter, and got ready for my shower. I was starting to shiver for no reason.

The water warmed up and I stepped in. Face scrubbed, hair washed, body lathered, rinsed. I was fastidious about showering, with Edward so sensitive to my scent. I shaved my legs, and paid a little extra attention to my bikini line. I should ask Alice about waxing. I stood in the hot shower, my face upturned to the spray. I turned my face to catch a breath, and saw Pink. Standing there, on the counter. My hand went from my face to my belly, and headed south. I was staring at Pink. I had never done anything with Edward remotely close to what I was doing to myself at that moment. I felt tingly, but sort of hollow. This sort of thing never did much for me. It always made me feel disappointed in myself, like I was a poor substitute.

Pink.

"Damn it."

I reached my hand out of the shower, and pulled it back in almost immediately. I closed my eyes, clenched my fist, and debated. I adjusted the temperature of the water down a bit to save what hot water I had left, and grabbed Pink. I sat down in the tub, and turned Pink on. It hummed in my hand. _Nope._ I turned it back off again.

I felt like I was doing something horribly wrong, immoral, deviant. No. _This is MY body. No one else's_.

Pink and I reached an agreement. Baby steps. No promises.

I closed my eyes again, tilted my head back, and touched the tip of Pink to my belly, below my navel. Baby steps. Breathe, Bella. I pushed the tip south, and hesitated. _Is this what Edward will feel like?_ I let the tip rest at my opening while I thought about Edward. I imagined his hands on me, the smell of his breath in my face, the weight of him on top of me, his body touching me _there_. Pink pressed onward, slowly.

_Edward. _

Oh, God. This thing is _huge!_ How on earth - OH GOD.

Less than half of it was inside me, but my knees were quaking. I started to pull it out, but it was an instant letdown, unbearably sad, unfinished. _Am I even doing this right?_ I rocked back forward onto it, but something felt wrong. The shower sprayed in my eyes, and there was no resistance from Pink. I need resistance. I bit my lip. OK, I can do this. I took a firmer hold, rolled my hips back, and put my feet against the edges of the tub. I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation. It felt thick, unyielding, heavy, but not unpleasant. My heart was pounding in my ears as I slowly took it in again. It stung a bit as I passed the half way point, but when I backed it out, I was overcome by the same feeling I had every time Edward had ever pushed me away. NO. _If Edward can't stand to touch me, at least I can touch myself._ I ignored the even sharper sting this time, knowing exactly what I'd just done, and pressed it in completely. My legs twitched together involuntarily, and the pressure I felt where my hand was pressed between my legs, holding Pink, sent a shock wave through my entire lower body. _Holy crap, what was that?_ I relaxed my legs, and began to move it slowly, in and out. The rhythm I developed was steady, becoming faster. I was unable to stop. I couldn't believe it all fit, and that it felt so good. I wished I could feel the weight of Edward's body above me, his cool breath on my face, hear him say my name. Every movement brought me closer to I don't know what, but it was building. _Edward._

The water was getting cold. "_Damn_ it!"

I slowed to a stop, and hesitated before sliding it out, feeling unbearably empty. I rinsed it off in the increasingly colder water, and quickly splashed between my legs. The water was becoming painfully icy, fast. _What the hell am I doing?_

I shut off the faucet, and reached for my towel. I dried off Pink, and accidentally bumped the vibrate control. It hummed to life. Oh. _Ohh!_ The light bulb went on in my head. _Later_, I thought, and turned it off. I wrapped my hair in the towel, and reached for another for the rest of me. I bundled up my dirty clothes, careful to cover Pink and the box, in case Charlie was out in the hall.

He wasn't. I could hear him snoring downstairs. I thought about waking him, but he'd see the time and that I'd just gotten out of the shower, and would wonder what took me so long.

I crept to my room and closed the door.

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leave me a little love...

do you have your own 'pink'? does it have a name?


	3. I am a stronger man than I knew

Emmett and Jazz dropped me off at Charlie's house about eleven. Bella should probably have been in bed for several hours by now, after the day she had. I debated about going in this late, and possibly waking her, but decided I'd be in big trouble if she wasn't asleep, and was waiting for me. I slid the window open, and realized her bed was empty. There was a pile of gift bags at the foot of her bed. Bridal shower gifts. At least I knew she'd made it home. Then I heard the shower.

_OK._

I took off my shirt and shoes, and lay down on her bed to wait. _What a ridiculous small bed._ I allowed myself the mental exercise of fantasizing about her, laying here in her bed. She was right about my practicing, of course.

Since that first night two weeks ago, I'd spent a week getting used to touching her, mastering myself. I allowed her to take off my shirt, and it was her turn to explore, and mine to be passive. I lay as still as a stone as she placed her hands on my bare chest, outlining the muscles with a delicate touch. I nearly came undone when I felt her press her warm cheek over my heart, kissing me there, her silky brown hair draped across me like gossamer. She sat up and, without looking at me, quickly removed her tank top and returned to her previous position. She was cradled against my side, her face on my chest, her bare breasts against my ribs. I touched her smooth back lazily with my hand, the casual touch belying the loss of control I felt bubbling within me.

She leaned up to kiss me and I rolled her slowly onto her back. We didn't speak, neither of us wanting to break the moment, or to interrupt our kiss. My hand caressed her breast, and she sighed into my mouth. I kissed her neck, her ear, her collarbone, and down her sternum. She never said a word. I was actually able to kiss the beautiful breasts that I could barely touch just a few short days earlier. Her restraint was unbelievable. I knew how hard it was for her to be passive, to let me set the limits, to be still. I could tell by the clenched fists, the erratic pounding of her heart, the quiver of her knees, the almost imperceptible arching of her back as I took her round, warm breast into my mouth, my tongue dancing across her nipple. I realized too late that I had grasped her other breast too firmly, that I had probably bruised her. As I began to pull my hand away she whimpered "Please don't stop – your hand feels so good." I was stunned that she could enjoy that kind of touch.

In the following week, we continued to build on our successes. I'd been able to keep the monster at bay, but I was well aware that my self control was superficial, and tenuous at best.

This night, laying in her bed, listening to her shower, I imagined I was there with her. Just picturing me watching her shower made me hard. I resisted the urge to touch myself. In my mind, I reached out to pull aside the shower curtain. She smiled. Somehow I was already nude, and I stepped in with her.

Oh my god, Bella. My eyes glazed over. If I had looked in a mirror they'd be dark amber, turning black. I was laying in her bed, trembling from the effort to stay put. Every vampire instinct I had, every base urge, suddenly roared to life with images of splintering the door, ripping down the curtain, pulling her from the shower. I would sink my teeth into that tender, hot throat and drink, as I ravaged her dying body. I would leave her in shreds.

_NO. That is NOT me. That is NOT what I want. NOT MY BELLA_. My fists spasmed, my eyes rolled back in their sockets, a guttural moan rumbled in my throat. The monster within me still thirsted for her blood, and I had carelessly taken for granted every bit of progress we'd made.

"NO."

I could feel the neglected throb in my loins, and the bitter ache in the back of my throat. I swallowed hard. _Venom._ I willed my mind to relax, to shut out the violence. _Breathe. Inhale her scent, surrounding you. Picture her face, her smile. Breathe. Swallow._ The ache subsided, but the throb did not.

_Focus._

My mind went back to the shower. Back to her smile, her wet body, her hand held out to mine. I stepped in.

_NO._ My fists clenched, there on the bed. _Bella. This is Bella._

The shower would be hot, like needles on her skin. Imaginary Bella turned to face me, put her arms around me, pressing our bodies together.

_BELLA. This is Bella. _

I thought I could feel the points of her breasts pressing against my chest, the narrowness of her waist under my hands, the slight swell of her hips, my rigidness against her belly. My mouth - _Did I really just hear her say my name?_

The shower was off. I could hear her drying off, fumbling with something. Clothes? No – her pajamas are here, at the foot of the bed. I rolled to face away from the bedroom door, to conceal the evidence of my "practice."

She didn't see me here. I didn't want her to see me like this, like some immature schoolboy caught with a dirty magazine. _Oh god, what is that smell?_ I rolled over to look for her, and instantly froze. She was completely nude, and was bent over fumbling in one of the bags. The moonlight reflected off her skin, every inch of her body bathed in it, yet lit from within. _Is her entire body blushing? What is that incredible smell? _I couldn't control the groan that rumbled in my throat. It startled her, and she turned to face me, a dark blue negligee in her hand.

"Edward!"

Oh GOD. Her body was beautiful, perfect. She quickly took the towel from her hair, and slipped the negligee over her head. The new scent wafted around the room in waves with her movements, but it couldn't be hers. She reached for something in the bundle of discarded clothes at her feet, and moved towards me.

"STOP. Give me a second, Bella." My voice was ragged, unfamiliar. In my mind I tried to find images that gave me control, calmed me, brought me back from the brink of murder: Bella's smile, her rosy cheeks.

I extended my hand to her, my eyes still closed. She placed something down beside the bed and took my hand.

My head reeled. Her scent had changed, deepened. Freshly turned earth, and seawater, mingled with her flowers.

"Edward? Are you alright?"

"I don't know. Not yet." I still didn't sound like myself. I continued to fight the images of teeth on flesh, gulping, gasping, mindlessly penetrating her fragile body with mine. _I'll never be able to forget what I am._

"Edward," she hissed, trying not to wake Charlie, "you're hurting my hand!"

My eyes snapped open, focusing on her face again, pushing back that other Edward, the dead Bella. I loosened my grip, but did not let go. She sighed.

I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling, clawing my way back from that scene of devastation. I knew she could see the state of my body, even through my clothes, and was embarrassed by it. I moved my other hand to shield it from her sight, but she must have been reaching across me with her leg, to step over and lay down beside me. My hand met her leg and automatically slid up her thigh in a millisecond. It stopped on her rear end, and I slammed her down onto my groin before I realized it. A wave of her scent hit me like a truck, and my eyes rolled back into my head. It's her sex. I could smell her sex. It was everywhere, her skin, her legs, her hands, _oh god her hair_.

"Bellahhhh!" I sounded like a cornered animal, growling a warning.

Before I lost the ability, I was across the room, standing in the shadows. I didn't dare breathe. This new scent was everywhere, on me where her body touched mine. I felt wetness on the front of my pants from her body, naked beneath the negligee, crushing into me in that eternity of lost control. I tried to cover my face, but the scent was there too, heavy, where I'd held her hand.

Through gritted teeth, I growled. "What are you doing to me? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking you'd still be gone. I took a long shower. Alice g-gave me a g-gift." She stammered, nearing tears.

"What are you talking about?" I struggled to resurface. Is that what it felt like to drown? "What gift? The negligee? That's not the problem."

"No Edward, a _private_ gift. A _sexua_l gift." She sounded annoyed, embarrased.

What the hell was she talking about? Did Alice _do_ something with _Bella_? Is that _ALICE_ I smell?

"A _toy_, Edward. There. On the floor."

She pointed to whatever it was that she had removed from the pile of clothes and placed next to her bed. It looked like an enormous severed penis. "The hell?"

"It's a _toy_, Edward. For me. A toy. You were gone, Charlie was downstairs, I took a shower. I suppose I didn't rinse well enough, I ran out of hot water. I guess I dried Pink off with my hair towel. Are you ok? With me having it?" She whispered the last two questions.

She truly had no idea the battle I was fighting at that very moment. She thought I was upset about some vulgar toy. I actually laughed.

"Shhh!! Charlie!"

"That disgusting _thing_ isn't the problem, Bella. It's your timing. Wait – 'Pink'?"

"Yeah, whatever. What did I do that set you off?"

"You walked in here naked, smelling like sex, and bent over right in front of me. I can't believe I am having this conversation. I can't believe you used that thing."

"Don't, Edward. This is my bedroom. I can be naked in my own bedroom when I have every reason to believe I'm alone. There is nothing wrong with what I was doing."

"You smell like sex, Bella. It's all over you. Right now I'm fighting a horrendous urge to **_murder you and rape your carcass_**."

She recoiled from me, shrinking back across the bed. I had said it, out loud. _She finally gets it._

"I love you. I trust you," she said, barely audible.

I laughed again. "You're unbelievable, Isabella Swan. It's like that night in Port Angeles. Do you think you can fucking fight me off with your amazing self defense skills?" _I hate that language_.

"Stop it right now, Edward Cullen. This is not you. Look at yourself. Look at what you are doing to yourself!" She was crying now, tears staining her face, the negligee. She was perched on the edge of the bed, leaning towards me, wanting to come to me.

Without realizing it, I had crumpled to the floor some minutes ago, curled into a fetal position on my haunches, my fists pressed against my head. If I'd been able to, I would have been weeping. I stretched out my legs on the floor, leaned my head back, letting my hands fall to my sides. _BELLA. This is Bella. I will not hurt Bella. I can do this._

"I'm OK. I'll be ok. Just give me a minute. Stay there." My voice was hoarse.

She didn't reply, but wrapped herself in the old quilt. Waiting.

I don't know how much time passed. When I regained focus, she was curled up on the bed, still wrapped in the old quilt.

I stood up as slowly as I could, trying not to disturb her. Her eyes opened. "Leaving?"

"I'm not sure yet. Can I sit by you?"

"Of course." She scooted over and patted the bed.

I was over the worst of it. I sat beside her, but didn't touch her.

"You're damn lucky you didn't smell like that your first day of school. I would have leveled the entire town to get at you."

"Wow."

_Yeah. Wow is right._

"Are you ok now?"

"Yes, I think so. The worst of it is over. I kept trying to push it back, but every time you moved, waves of your scent hit me like a brick wall, and all I could see was –"

"I know. Don't say it again." She sounded desperately sad. "I knew you were afraid of hurting me, but I had no idea. I thought you were talking about breaking a few ribs."

"I'm glad you finally understand, but I hate that you have that image in your head now, too. Are you sure you want me to stay?"

"Edward, I love you more than my own life. There is nothing you could say or do to change that. Yes, I want you to stay, if you want to. Tell me what you want me to do – should I take another shower, get rid of the towels?"

"No. Just lay down, let me try to lay beside you."

"Um, I'm still in the negligee, and nothing else."

"Oh."

Gulp. "I think I can handle it now, but don't do anything sudden. Move slowly. Let's just lay down, and try to get some rest."

She started to flip her hair over her shoulder, and thought better of it. "I think I can smell it, too. Sea salt? I'm so sorry, Edward."

As she lay down, she pushed away the quilt for a moment to adjust it, and the negligee had ridden up above her hips. I could see everything. Rosy, pink, moist, beautiful everything. It was like a lightning bolt hitting the back of my head. I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes. _NO._

She quickly tried to cover herself, but my hands shot out to grab her wrists. I shuddered. _My Bella_.

"Don't," I growled through my teeth. I could feel the venom pooling in my mouth. I swallowed. "I need to do this. It's your body, Bella. I have to be able to do this."

She lay back onto the bed, and waited. In a few moments I was able to focus again. The moonlight from the window electrified the deep blue of her negligee, my favorite color. I could still see her groin, although she had pressed her knees together as she lay down. I lay my head on her belly, torturing myself with the source of that new scent.

_I can do this._

Her breathing was shallow, her heartbeat erratic.

"Breathe, Bella. I'm OK."

I laid my hand on top of the patch of her silky black hair, inches from my face. She whimpered, "Edward."

How can she be this beautiful? The monster retreated, and somehow all that was left was me, and Bella.

I kissed her belly. "I love you so much, Bella."

"Edward, you have to move your hand. I can't stand it. I want -"

"What? That _thing_?" I was angry, furious with Alice for interfering, astounded that Bella would use it. I gritted my teeth when I realized how harsh my words must have sounded.

"No. I want you, Edward. It's just a toy. A tool. I liked the way it made me feel, but only because I wanted it to be _you_. Please move your hand away."

I didn't move my hand. "How did it feel, inside you?" I was torturing myself, deliberately. I had to be stronger.

Her voice was ragged, deep. "I thought it was huge, at first. It scared me."

I whispered "I'm not all that different, you know." _Damn you, Alice._

"Oh god, Edward. Please move your hand away." She began to sit up, to push me away. Her legs moved slightly apart. My head was spinning, but I hadn't lost control. I rotated the palm of my hand until my fingers wove through her hair, making contact with her wet warmth underneath. I loved the smell of her now, even more than before. _I can do this_. Admitting my desire, being honest with myself abut how badly I wanted her, that was the key. Denying myself, succumbing to my fears, didn't make me stronger. It made me a coward. Acknowledging weakness fed the beast, gave him leverage to have his way. I grabbed on to the thread of logic that told me I was stronger than I thought, and allowed myself to feel it, my own strength, my desire to continue. I felt high.

"EDWARD, STOP." Her voice gurgled. She threw her head back, and her hand reached out to grab mine, dragging our fingers between her legs, instead of pushing my hand away.

My fingers fluttered, and she let out a low, throaty moan. "I will stop when you want me to, Bella, but this time I don't really want to." I knew she didn't want me to stop, but the slippery slope of my own need was drawing me to where I couldn't go. I had to repsect her boundaries, couldn't get so caught up in my new found well of strength that I forgot that she had a choice here too.

Her hand released mine, and she slid back onto the bed, her whole body quivering. I slowly moved my fingers between her folds, massaging her. She gasped. I was astonished at the look on her perfect face, the velvet feel of her sex, the rolling power building under my hand, the instinctual rocking of her body with my movements. Her body shook, hips lifting off the bed. She moaned my name and grabbed my wrist, urging me not to let go just yet. Not yet.

As her orgasm faded, I propped myself above her. She wept, smiling. I kissed her slowly, deeply. My mind was reeling at what I'd just done. Her warm hands were on my arms, pulling me down to her. She caressed my chest, moving south. She reached my waistband and began to fumble with the button. Realization of her intent dawned on me and the monster roared. Just that quick, my courage vanished.

"What – I'm not ready – I've never -" Terror, uncertainty, guilt, cowardice all came raging back, followed quickly by the pooling venom in my throat.

"Do you think I have, before this?"

"Well, actually, yes, with your little friend over there. Bella, wait." _Don't be an ass. Don't push her away. Fight for it_.

"I'll stop if you make me, Edward, but this time I don't really think you want me to." _You want this. Admit you want this._

Her scent was like a drug. I wanted to bury my face in my hand, still wet with her orgasm, but I have to push her away, make her wait. "Oh, Bella, I..."

"I want to see you. Let me see you." _Good god, she's begging_.

"Seeing is with your eyes, Bella." _YES! You can do this! Let it happen! You're strong enough!  
_

"Fine. I want to see you. All of you." She was smiling again. The monster is there, but he's silent, waiting for her to push me too far.

I unfastened my pants, and stood beside the bed. She sat up and looked only at my eyes as she pushed them down, boxers and all, in one move. When I kicked them aside, her face brushed against me.

Instantly my hands were on her shoulders, pushing her back. I had the urge to cover myself. She froze. A tense moment passed, my hands on her shoulders, my body inches from her face. Then I felt one burning delicate hand on my leg, then the other. I forced my eyes to focus on the window, the moonlight. Her hands traveled up my legs slowly to my hips, and then to my elbows, removing my hands from her shoulders. When I could finally look at her again, she had the most beautiful expression. She clearly liked what she saw, but there was more. Pride? _She's proud of me!_

She whispered "I want to touch you. Please, don't say no."

We have come so far, from her first day in Forks. I can't believe I am saying this to her, my Bella.

"Yes."

She licked her lips. _Oh God, Bella, don't…No You stupid bastard, just let it go. Trust her.  
_

Her hands reached up to my chest, where my dead heart should be crashing though. She caressed my belly, tracing the outline of the muscles there. She leaned up to kiss my navel, her collarbone pressed against the hardness she had wanted to see. She wrapped her arms wrapped around my legs, and pressed her cheek into my hip. The crook of her neck was still pressed against me. I could feel the pulse at her throat, through my groin. I gasped.

She stayed this way for several minutes, allowing me to acclimate to the sensation of our bodies pressed so closely together.

She finally stood, her hands light on my hips, and kissed me. There was only a thin piece of blue satin separating us. She whispered "I couldn't have dreamed you more perfect. We've come quite a long way, to be standing here like this, haven't we?"

* * *

A/N:

_1/24/09 one reviewer mentioned that they'd never thought of E as a necrophiliac before, and it bothered me that other readers might also be freaked out by the bit about "murdering you and raping your carcass." E is not a necrophiliac - he does not fantasize about having sex with her dead body. To E, ____it's more of a thing where the bloodlust and the sex are all tangled up together, and he was dangerously close to forcibly having sex with her and knowing he'd be biting her in the middle of it, and she'd end up dead before the sex was done... So - no necrophilia implied intentionally._


	4. Not the Same

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

_

* * *

_

~O~

_**this is going to be one of your favorite chapters...**_

~O~_**  
**_

* * *

Previously:

_He was entirely nude, his body inches from my face. I was stunned by the beauty of his body, unable to believe, even after all we'd been through, and that he was really all mine. I wanted to kiss him, intimately. Though I had no idea if he'd enjoy that, I was certain he'd never allow it. All I could do was embrace him, my face against his hip, arms around his thighs. I could feel his powerful erection pressed tight against my neck, and all I'd have had to do was turn my head. I felt it twitch against my throat, and heard him gasp. I slowly stood, and pressed myself against him for what felt like an eternity. I waited until the pounding in my chest calmed, until I felt his body relax, and then I tried to memorize the feeling of his body against mine, only a thin film of fabric between us. Finally, I whispered "I couldn't have dreamed you more perfect. We've come quite a long way, to be standing here like this, haven't we?"_

_

* * *

  
_

"Yes, we have, love." His voice was soft, thoughtful.

"All those months, lying beside me every night, keeping your hands to yourself. Now that I understand the _urge_ you were fighting against, I'm amazed you were able to come back night after night."

He kissed me softly, his lips lingering on my cheek, my chin. "I truly hate that you have that image in your head, but I'm glad it finally gives you some perspective regarding the – ungh - effort it takes for me to do this. Bella, _please_."

I placed tiny wet kisses all over his chest as he spoke, trailing my hands down his back, unable to resist the desire to palm his perfect butt cheeks with both hands. His voice broke when I squeezed them. It made me giggle.

"This is much easier when we're both fully clothed, and when you let me 'drive.' Not knowing what you're thinking about doing next is very, um, unnerving." He pushed me a few inches back, kissing my forehead. "All the things you want us to do, Bella, I want them all, too. But just wanting them doesn't make it right, or safe. I'm not ready for more tonight. You need to rest."

"Lay down with me, just like this – please?" I didn't want him to dress; I wanted to wake up to this, his naked body in my bed. I didn't want this night to end. I knew I was pushing the bounds of his self control and his damnable moral fiber, but he knew we still had work to do before the wedding. Tonight was proof of that.

"For a while, alright. _Behave_."

.

.

.

~*~*~*~*~

The amount of progress we'd made the night of the bridal shower was beyond what I'd ever expected could happen between us in one night. He told me the next morning that his fears held him back, but it was getting easier now that he knew what sensations to actually expect, and how his body would react to them.

"Fear of the unknown is a powerful deterrent to progress," he'd told me.

My reply caught him off guard. "As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live."

"Ahh, finally realizing you're selling your soul to the devil, little Faust?"

"Would you rather I quoted Eleanor Roosevelt? 'You must do the things you think you cannot do.' Or how about Frank Herbert? 'Fear is the mind-killer.' Or maybe…"

"Enough. I get it. Did you really just quote _Dune_ and a First Lady in the same sentence?"

"Get over it. Was yours a Cullen Original?"

"Absolutely."

"Wow. It's pretty messed up, you realize that don't you?"

"It was less of a life philosophy and more of a statement of fact. I mean, don't you think it's healthy to hold back your impulses if they might get someone killed? I don't generally think of myself as a fearful person, but where you are concerned, I'm not willing to take any chances."

"Don't you think it's ridiculous to keep doubting yourself, given all we've been through? How far we've come?"

"After last night, yes. I think it _is_ ridiculous. I know now that no matter what vampire nature inhabits my body, my mind and my will is still human. There was a moment there, last night, when I kissed your belly, that I actually felt alone with you, that the part of me that wanted your blood stood aside. It was just you, and me. It's stronger than I knew, the human part. It's still there, and I'm learning how to listen to it, to trust it. That one part of me that becoming a vampire didn't kill will always be there. The problem resides in being able to focus on just that. I can't tell you how fine the line is between giving in to the human pleasure, and giving in to the bloodlust. It's like a cascade of desire, trust, control, courage, doubt, weakness, it all tumbles together. I struggle to trust myself, trust the sanctity of what we have between us, honor my desire for you. When I can do that consistently, everything we want will be possible. When I am fearful, the monster sees the chink in my armor and rages back , and all the human pleasure and good intentions in the world couldn't prevent that part of me from hurting you. As long as you're human, and fragile, we'll always have to be very cautious. I think we did pretty well last night, but it's not a victory we can ever take for granted. I'm encouraged, though. I've never felt this strong before, this confident about my control. But we still have work to do."

"Two steps forward, one step back?" I was sad to think we'd have to start from scratch again, after last night.

"Not necessarily. I'm still naked, aren't I?" He flashed my favorite crooked smile.

"Mmmm. Yes, indeed you are." I traced his body with the back of my fingers, from his hips, across his belly and up to his chest, where I leaned in to kiss over his silent heart.

"Don't get carried away. It's almost light, and Charlie's waking up." He kissed me softly, and slowly got out of my bed, scanning the room for his clothes. "I'll call you in a little while. Love you." He gave me a quick peck on the forehead before he disappeared out my window.

.

.

.

~*~*~*~*~

We spent that day at his house, with Alice fussing over wedding details, as usual, and Edward just content to be near me. We walked by the river, listened to music in his room, and did absolutely nothing. All day. It was perfect. He was like air to me. Nothing mattered but us, together.

Charlie was spending the weekend fishing with Billy, and I'd told him I would rather spend the night with Alice than be alone. I think he knew my sleepovers included more time with Edward than Alice, but given that the wedding was only five weeks away, I think he chose to accept it rather than risk an ugly confrontation. Jasper and Alice were the only ones at home that night, the others having left to hunt. While I still had misgivings about having supersensitive ears in the house while Edward and I 'practiced,' I was grateful that Emmett's ears weren't among them.

We'd spent the evening quietly, watching an old movie, and just being. When I began to yawn, Edward took my hand and walked us to his room. Alice and Jasper quietly wished us goodnight as we ascended the stairs.

I took a quick shower in Edward's bathroom while he fluffed pillows. I'd decided to skip the blue satin negligee he'd become so fond of, and jumped into the middle of his enormous bed wearing my favorite flannel pants and a tank top. He puttered in the bathroom for a moment or two and came out wearing almost identical flannel pants and my favorite smile.

"I put a nightlight in the bathroom so you don't trip in the middle of the night."

"Well aren't you just a flannel-y gentleman!"

"I see why you like these. They're quite nice."

"And warm, too."

"Do you mind if we leave the windows open for a while? I love to listen to the river, and the owls."

"Good thing we've got flannel, huh?"

He just smiled and turned off the bedside lamp. He lay down facing me, his hands tucked under his cheek like a child. I leaned back so that I could see more of him than just his beautiful face. He smiled at me as my eyes devoured his body.

"If it weren't for your brown eyes, I'd swear you were a thirsty vampire."

"I feel like one, when I look at you." I loved him absolutely, but the beauty of his body was like being given an unexpected, extravagant gift.

"I'm glad you like what you see. It's a relief."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly serious. I was afraid that after all the anticipation you'd find me _unappealing_."

"The only thing about you I find unappealing is your need to hold back, but I understand it."

He kissed me, soft and slow. "There are times when I don't hold back. When I'm alone, I don't have to..."

"When you're alone?" _He's mentioned this before. Does he mean ALONE alone?_

"It helps me, to be close to you like this, if I've uh, _spent some time alone_. Jasper convinced me a few weeks ago that I had to do something about my anxiety level or he and Alice would have to find somewhere else to live. It was apparently driving him nuts."

_That's exactly what he meant!_ "You talked about _that_ with Jasper?"

"We don't have many secrets from each other, Bella. Between our individual gifts, and all our heightened senses, there isn't much that goes unnoticed. While we all try to respect each others' privacy as best we can, I understood his need to discuss it with me. It wasn't a terribly enjoyable conversation, but I'm glad we had it."

"Had you never done that, before me?" _Oh lord, did I really need that visual?_

"There was never a need to. I mean, I knew the equipment functioned properly, but there was never a situation that _demanded_ my attention, so to speak, before you. The worst times are when, as odd man out in a house full of couples, everyone is feeling amorous at the same time. With my abilities, it can be very _hard_ to ignore, if you'll pardon the crass pun. It's a good thing I don't mind hunting by myself, and that your bedroom window responded so well to grease." He laughed at himself, probably remembering the first time he'd snuck into my room to watch me sleep.

"I guess I never thought – I mean, I thought all males did that, all the time." _Ick. Mike Newton._

"Maybe not _all the time_, but I guess most do. It just never appealed to me; it always felt sort of empty."

"Yes. I know exactly…" _oops. Crap. _I didn't particularly want him to think about me and my Pink friend.

"You know _what _exactly? Oh – never mind. I don't think I want to know any more about that."

"Wait just a minute. I decided a while back that if _you_ couldn't touch me, at least I can touch _myself_. I don't think there's anything wrong with that." _How dare he imply he could toss one off and I couldn't?_

"I'm sorry, Bella. I never meant to imply there was anything wrong with, with your body, with you…"

"What? _Masturbating?_"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Yes. _I hate that word_."

_You're the one that brought it up, big guy._ "It's just a word, a rather clinical word, in fact. I've heard worse."

"Me too. Usually in locker rooms."

"Edward."

"Bella." _Defensive, already?_

"When was the last time you touched yourself, like that?"

"Bella. Seriously?"

_He can give me an orgasm with his hand, but he can't talk about it? We've got to work on that. _I kissed him on the lips, feather light. "Yes."

"Fine. This morning, after I left your house."

_Wow. _I kissed him again, harder. "What did it feel like?"

"Bella. It felt like my _hand_. What are you – "

I kissed him again before he could bunch himself up any tighter, tracing his lower lip with my tongue. "Edward." I was breathing harder now, trying to keep my hands to myself, whispering into his ear. "Tell me what it _feels_ like."

"I don't know, Bella." I could hear annoyance in his tone, almost embarrassment. He stopped and closed his eyes, as if carefully considering his next words. When he began again, he was whispering. "It's impossible – it feels indescribably _good_, euphoric, and yet I always end up feeling empty, disappointed. Alone."

"Me too. I think that's because we _are_ alone, and we hide while we do it." I pressed my forehead to his, our noses touching.

"Do you – often?"

I certainly didn't expect that question, but I guess I should have. "Sometimes. It's not something I feel like I'm very good at. I've never made myself feel like you made me feel, last night."

"Really?"

I couldn't quite identify all the emotions he hid behind that one word – surprise, disbelief, sadness? "Yeah." _It makes me sad, too._

We lay there silently, our eyes closed, for several long minutes. I know we were both thinking about what we'd just been discussing. I certainly was, and I can't imagine he was thinking about anything else. I could hear the river rushing outside the open window, owls calling to each other across great distance.

"I love you, Bella."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, wondering how long the kiss would last. He surprised me when he pulled me closer, his hand cold and firm on the small of my back, crushing us together. I wanted to wrap my leg around his waist and pull him into me. His hand trailed across my flannel covered butt to my hip, and pushed me slightly away. I moaned into his mouth, "nooo," as he leaned back from me. _Not so soon!_

"I'm feeling particularly bold, and I want to show you something, alright?"

_BOLD? _He had a look on his face that reminded me of the night before, when he'd had his hand on me. He looked exultant, confident. _Don't screw this up, Bella. Let him lead._

"Alright." I could tell he was aroused, but had no idea what he had in mind.

"Take off your pants."

_Um. Okay._

He pushed the comforter aside as I shimmied out of them, and smiled when he saw I'd gone commando after my shower. His reaction startled me. He was still perfectly composed. When I started to shiver, he got up from the bed and closed the windows. He came back to the bed and pressed himself along side me, his obvious arousal pressing into my hip. "Give me your hand, Bella." He reached up to my shoulder and trailed his hand towards my elbow, pulling my hand to his face, kissing my palm. He flattened his hand against the back of mine, our fingers now entwined. He pulled my hand from his face, and brought it between our bellies. "Breathe," he said, as he pressed our hands flat against my mound and held them there.

"Can you feel that, Bella? The heat?"

"Yes." _God, I was like a steam radiator in an old house._

"Just think about it for a minute, think about what's under your hand, what that heat feels like."

"Edward I want – " _I want everything, now, here, no more waiting, no more practicing._

"I know, me too. Just breathe, and let me do this, okay?"

"Okay." _Let him lead._

He pressed his face into my hair, whispering in my ear, his voice smoky velvet. "Now don't think about anything else, don't speak, I want you to close your eyes and _feel_. Just let your body react how it wants to." He was like a different Edward, comfortable with our bodies, in command of the situation. I was completely seduced by it.

He wove our fingers through the patch of hair on my mound, tugging at it, pressing the butt of my hand hard against the underlying bone. My back arched, and my hips rocked back into the bed and then up, against our hands. I couldn't get my legs far enough apart.

I inhaled his name.

"Shhh."

He slowly rotated our hands and slid our middle fingers gently between my folds, but no farther. My hips thrust up off the bed involuntarily, but he kept our hands in place until my body settled back to the bed. He dipped us into the wetness gathering just beyond the tip of our fingers, entering me only an inch at most, and then redistributing the moisture from our fingers to all the skin nearby. The butt of my hand was the pivot point as our hands rocked forwards and back, and I realized the pressure of our hands at that spot was rapidly becoming my focus.

"Can you feel that?" He whispered, grinding our palms over the new center of my universe. He smiled as he kissed me.

"Unhgh, yeah." _Oh god yeah, I feel that. _Dracula himself could break down the door and I wouldn't care. Just. Don't. Stop.

"Put your finger _here_, at the top, feel that ridge, like a rope, under the skin? Press. Yeah, right there. Follow it down, tell me what you feel." The deep richness of his voice went straight to my core.

"I don't, it feels, what, ahhh -" My hand faltered as I struggled to find words.

"Never mind talking, that wasn't fair. Just keep moving your finger, in any way that feels good, and see if you can find the bottom end of the rope." I looked into his eyes, and he was smiling even broader now.

I knew from basic anatomy that this was my clitoris, but it had never felt like this, I'd never bothered to try this hard before.

His hand ghosted over mine as I wiggled my finger on top of the rope experimentally, my hips rocking forward and back, making my finger move vertically over the rope as well. I discovered that the left side of it felt better than the right, so I focused on that. The harder I pressed, the better it felt. A bolt of electricity shot through my entire lower body all the way to my toes when I finally hit the end of the rope. His mouth covered mine before I could cry out.

"Don't stop – you're not there yet. Do that again, see if you can do that again." He whispered into my ear, his hand now mimicking the movements I'd just made.

I took a deep breath, and found the spot again. It was a bump, a nub about the size of a pencil eraser, maybe smaller. The surface of it was oversensitive to a light touch, but firm pressure was intoxicating. I rubbed over it, then back up the rope and down again to rub it more. I felt heat rolling off my body in waves, the muscles in my legs trembling. I strained to get my legs farther apart, to find something to brace against, my hips beginning to gyrate, wildly searching for contact with anything, my core quivering, clenching like a fist. Edward pressed his hand firmly down onto mine to hold it still, and flicked his middle finger over my clit at the perfect speed and pressure I had been working towards. He kissed me again, stifling my moans as the rest of the world melted away, leaving only our intertwined hands and the spot where they touched my body.

He was smiling at me, his eyes soft, warm. All I could do was blink, and stare at him, until my chest stopped pounding and the throb in my groin subsided. "Holy shit" was all I could manage to say between panting breaths.

"Now, tell me what that felt like."

"You're kidding, right? Right. I get it."

"Not having the same equipment as you, I can't say if it's _exactly_ the same, but I can assure you mine are just as indescribable."

I tried for a moment to imagine what it would be like to feel that from a man's perspective, but his wet hand was making small circles low on my belly.

"That wasn't the same as what you did before, the feeling it gave me." _Can we do it again? Right now?_

"No, it wasn't. Women have all sorts of orgasms, big, little, long, short, intense, mellow. It could take us years to discover all of yours."

"Wow." I let that gem of information sink in, then it dawned on me. "What about yours?"

"I think men's orgasms are fairly uniform for the most part, but it's not something any sane man would ever get tired of. _Ever._"

"What about now?" _Now look who's feeling particularly bold, Cullen. I've got a beast in me, too.  
_

His eyes were alive with light, a new, more devilish grin on his lips. "I think I'm ready to try, if you are."

"Really?" _Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into?_

"Really." He brought our hands, wet from my body, up to his face and licked my finger. "You taste even better than you smell."

It was the single most erotic thing I'd ever seen._ Who are you and what have you done with my terrified boyfriend? Wait, who cares. As long as you gagged him when you left him behind.  
_

He was out of his flannels before I knew it, laying beside me again in an instant. He snuggled in close to me again, kissing my eyes, my hair, my neck, his erection lying on my thigh. I'd never touched him like this before, and had no idea what to expect. He shuddered when I lightly caressed him with the back of my hand. He felt unbelievably _alive_, hard, silky, ropy with veins, the only part of his body that seemed to have a pulse.

"How does that work, I mean, with no heartbeat?" _Who just said that?_

"Later, little scientist."

I suppressed a giggle.

I ran my thumb across the end, and couldn't find adequate words to describe what it felt like – slick from drops of his fluid, firm, but soft, like ripe apricots. "Careful! That kinda tickles – "

"Oh god, Edward." I could feel my own climax building again, just from touching him.

"Shhhh." Like before, his hand ghosted over mine.

"Wait, Bella. Touch yourself again – get your hand really wet for me."

I put my hand back against my body and had to focus on the task at hand, rather than trying to give myself a repeat performance.

"Yeah, that's it. Hold me here, near the top of the shaft, but below this ridge. Yes, right there. Be gentle, but firm. Keep the top of your hand a bit more loose, like this, as you - _yes_. Longer strokes, all the way to the top, then back. Yeah. _Steady_, not too fast. God, yes, Bella. Just like that. Your hands are so _warm_."

There was something so symbolically vulnerable in him placing his manhood, literally, into my hands. It was the most intensely intimate thing I'd ever done, to hold him like that, for him to show me how. He kissed me tenderly, sucking at my lips, and rested his forehead against mine as he focused on what I was doing. I varied my hand speed and position slightly every few strokes, twisting a bit, lightly closing my thumb and forefinger over the head at the top of my stroke, imagining that's what it would feel like to him if he were inside me. Everything I did was rewarded with small sounds I'd never heard him make before, tiny moans, halting gasps, indecipherable words that served to convey his pleasure and encouraged me to continue. I could feel him pulsing in my hand when I held a sustained pace, but unfortunately my bicep began to ache sooner than I would have thought.

"Edward – I - my arm – "

"Here – put your hand over mine."

It was almost too much to watch him, to see the way he touched himself, to share that with him and know he was thinking of me as he did it. I imagined feeling him inside me, moving the way he was now, imagined my body surrounding him in place of his hand. I could feel his whole body tensing, every muscle tightening. His mischievous smile was replaced by a sort of lost look, his eyes softly closed.

"Bella, I'm – aaah, God, Bella."

He buried his face in my neck and pulled me against him roughly, pushing his hips against me so hard I would have fallen out of the bed if it weren't for his arms tight around me. He thrust again, and came between our bellies, the cold trickle of his fluid pebbling my skin like a melting ice cube on a hot day.

He trembled for just a moment longer, and then his entire body seemed to collapse into a soft lump in my arms. I'd never seen him so at peace, so tranquil, so relaxed. He stayed that way for several long minutes before he kissed me and smiled, cupping my cheek in his hand.

"I was wrong. They aren't all the same."

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I'm sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear you over the cold shower.

_**Reviews are better than ripe apricots.**_


	5. Dinner, for two

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

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_**Edward**_

The sound of her voice, deep and urgent, moaning, sent ever stronger waves of _need_ through my entire body. My hands were on her breasts, my face between them, listening to her heart chanting my name, Edward, Edward, over and over in my ears.

Her fingers were twisted in my hair, pulling me closer, and pushing me away. No – not away, but pushing me _lower_. My right hand released her breast and traveled hungrily down her side to her waist, where I burrowed under her, wrapping my arm low around her butt, pulling her hips tight to me as I slid down on her body.

I licked every millimeter of her skin as I moved lower, the taste of her sweat was a new drug in my mouth, mingling with the scent of her sex, rising in waves like a mirage from her core. She was writhing beneath me, her hips lifting me half way off the bed as adrenalin and the need for contact multiplied her strength. I dragged my left hand down her body, clutching at her flesh, kneading, hungry. I pressed my chin above her pubic bone, my forehead low on her belly. Her body stilled when it dawned on her where my face was and where I was going. I rested my cheek on the inside of her left thigh, my left hand palming the muscles in her other leg, pushing her knee toward her chest, opening her like a new flower, covered in dew, enticing me.

Simultaneously I heard two voices, one speaking my name, the other Jasper's.

"Mmmm, Edward, I need you…"

"Jazz, yes!"

I hesitated, my mouth inches from Bella's sex, pausing long enough to ensure that she also understood what was happening to us. I wanted to finish what I had started, to lean in and _savor_ her, to be anointed with her fragrance… but my head was filled with Jasper's overflowing lust, with Alice's thoughts, not my own. Bella's small warm hand reached down to caress my cheek.

"Hey. Come here," she whispered.

I slowly released my grasp on her waist and knee, and kissed her hip as I made my way to lay beside her. "Oh, Bella I'm so sorry."

"Please don't apologize." Her voice was soft, breathy.

"I need to get out of here. I don't think I can stay here with you, like this, with them…" _She deserves better than that._

"Kiss me, Edward." Her hands were on either side of my face, pulling me up to her, leaning toward me.

"Bella, baby –" Her mouth was on mine, warm, wet, insistent. She tasted like heaven, I couldn't keep my tongue out of her mouth. She hummed in pleasure as I continued the kiss. I heard my birth father's voice admonishing me to never take advntage of a girl in the throes of passion, and never to allow their weakened faculties to override my standards of decorum and decency. A gentleman never encourages indelicate behavior. _Shut up._

I had rolled on top of her again, and was poised an inch from her entrance, one hand on my shaft, holding myself, ready. _This isn't right. I feel like I'm letting Jasper make love to her._

I heard them again. Alice was begging him to thrust harder, Jasper was grunting, feral, consumed to get more of her around him, an urgency beyond lust fueling him.

My head dropped to Bella's chest with a thud, and I hissed wordlessly through my clenched teeth. _I've got to get out of here._

Bella moaned as her back arched up towards my chest, her fists tangling in the sheets at her side, panting. "Edwaaaaard…"

I managed to drag myself away from her before she could involuntarily impale herself on my erection. As easy as it would have been to give in, to be done with it once and for all, to let Alice and Jasper's emotions overwhelm us, I knew that we'd both regret it. I summoned the strength to stop, and stepped away from the bed. _Wedding. Wedding first._

"Bella, I'm going into the bathroom to dress. Please get your clothes on. We're leaving."

"Yeah, okay." She was breathing hard, but I could tell she had heard me, was actually listening to my voice. I splashed some cold water on my face, and waited long enough for her to get herself together.

I heard her laugh from the other side of the door. _Good. She's alright. _"Shit!"_ My clothes are out there, hers are in here._

"Edward, I need to pee, and my clothes are in there."

"I just realized that, too. Just a minute – let me grab a towel." _What a mess._

I opened the door and walked through without looking at her. I laughed when she took a swat at my butt as I passed. _Incorrigible._

"Where are we going? Charlie will think something's happened again if you take me home at this hour." _ Something almost did happen, Bella._

"Let's jut go for a drive, if nothing else, we'll be out of earshot for a while." _I have to do this, I have to deal with this. She's going to be my wife for god's sake._

Her hand was on my leg, as we drove north on 101. She was becoming bolder, her fingertips grazing the front of my pants, the second pass firmer, on the third pass her fingers began to curl around me. She smiled ear to ear when I moaned her name. I put my hand over hers, squeezed it, and moved our twined hands to rest between us on the console. Such a simple thing, to be driving down the road with a raging hard on, Bella beside me smelling like sex, and not a murderous thought anywhere nearby. _Yeah, right._

"Penny for your thoughts," she whispered.

"It's addictive, isn't it? Touching each other like that. It's like a whole new drug, beyond the heroin craving we have to just _be_ together, you find that once you've experienced them, you want those sensations again, that intimacy, immediately, constantly."

"Yes, it is exactly like that."

"It's like being a newborn vampire Bella. You wake up after the change, knowing you thirst, but not entirely certain what for. There's an ache, and you need to soothe it, but you don't really know what with. Until you get a whiff of blood, warm, delicious, intoxicating blood. And that's all your brain can comprehend. Blood, and the insatiable desire to obtain it."

"Wow. That was a buzz killing visual."

"I need you to know that I want this, too, as badly as anything I ever wanted, even your blood. It's just, even though I can resist your blood, all we've done is separate my blood lust from the carnal lust that remains. I need a barrier to lean on, somethign to anchor me, to keep me from losing myself in these feelings. I could so easily take you with wild abandon, and throw my upbringing and my integrity to the wind, but that's not what I want for us. I want to savor this, not be consumed by it. The new found freedom with each other that we've found, it's intoxicating, and I don't want to lose that, but I need to step back and make sure we're doing this in a way that we can both look back on fondly. I don't want to rush this, even though it feels to you like it's taken us forever to get here, 2 years to me is like a moment, and this weekend has been like the blink of an eye."

"I think I can understand that, Edward. Thank you, for finally saying it. I mean, I knew how you felt, but it's so much better to hear the words."

"Can we try and decide on some ground rules, maybe slow back down a bit? I mean, before all our 'practicing,' everything was off limits. Now that we know what's possible, I'd still like to "wait" till the wedding. I mean, if there's going to be a line that we don't cross before the wedding, I'd like for us to decide on that together, before we get carried away one of these nights. I very nearly did, tonight. Got carried away, that is. Or actually, I was nearly _Jasper'd_ away, with a dash of Alice on top." _Jeez, did I just say Alice on top? I'm a babbling idiot._

She laughed at that. "Yeah, That was very - _intense."_

"I want to do all those things with you Bella, I want all of it. I can have it, too, I believe that now. But I want to do this together, I don't want it to be something that happens because I'm able to. I want you to be ready, too. Do you want there to be a line?"

"I – I think so. I mean, waiting seems like sort of a formality now, we've come so close, so what's the difference? Another minute more tonight and it wouldn't matter any more. But then I think, that's the _entire_ difference – the formality of it, that's the whole point of a wedding, it _IS_ a formality. So yeah, I think I'd like a line."

"I agree completely. So, what _kind_ of line? I mean, old fashioned couples abstained from any contact, but obviously we're well beyond that, unless you want to go cold turkey starting immediately. Some reserve specific acts for after they're married, and others indulge themselves completely, but then set a time frame to go without until after their wedding. What do you think?" _I sound like a television sexpert. _

"I feel like I'm ordering dinner. Let's start with some heavy kissing, for two, and an order of hand jobs, with a side of oral, and then I'll have a nice thick steak, medium rare, hold the salad. My dining partner will have the clams in lemon butter." _I bet dessert will be delicious. _

I hadn't laughed so hard in ages. It was incredibly liberating to talk about this with her, shamelessly. It felt _right_. Like we should have been this open with each other all along.

"Seriously, though Edward, I would like a line, but I'm not ready to go cold turkey effective immediately. I'd like to save the, um, main course, but I'd like to experiment a little more with, ahh, appetizers. I'm really enjoying learning about the appetizers." She smiled coyly, her cheeks flushed pink. _That grin will end me. _

"Just to make sure I understand explicitly, I'd like to leave your food analogy behind. Is that okay?"

"Sure."

"So, we're saving actual _intercourse_, my penis, your vagina, for after the wedding. Yes?" _ Nice job, very romantic. Idiot._

"Ugh. Clinical. Yes."

"_Clinical_ was your friend the other night, remember? We can come up with fun nicknames later. So, we're not back pedaling from anything that's happened so far, and you could possibly be open to exploring other things, with the exception of penetration. Yes?"

"Penetration?" _What was she getting at with that?_

"Stay with me here, Bells. My penis, your vagina." _Definitely need to explore fun nicknames._

"Right. Yes, that sounds like the line I want to draw. How about you?" _Now for the hard part._

"I think I am okay with that line, if we can add something to it."

"Okay. What?"

_Here goes nothing_. "I'd like a moratorium, before the wedding."

"NO contact?"

"I'm willing to concede kissing. And hand holding."

"Hand holding?"

_I love that sarcastic tone._ "Hand holding. And some _chaste_ kissing." _Above the shoulders, Bella._

She was chewing on her lip. "How long?"

"Two weeks," I said. _As if she'll agree to that. I'll be lucky to get 2 days._

"TWO WEEKS?"

_God she's adorable when she's worked up._

"_One_ week," she countered. She had her arms crossed over her chest, symbolically digging her heels in.

I was glad she wasn't looking me straight in the eye. "Seven days? Alright. I think I can live with that." _Cullen FTW!_

"Okay."

"Hey – is skinny dipping an appetizer?" _So much for slowing down._

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_**Bella**_

"_Hey – is skinny dipping an appetizer?" _He had that glint in his eye, the new one.

"Um, what?" _Way to jerk a girl around, Edward._

"Skinny dipping. Naked swimming. Au naturale."

"I guess?"

"Have you never been to the hot springs? They're practically in our back yard. Look, we're here. We'll have to hike a ways in, but I'll carry you."

"Skinny dipping?"

"The prude table has turned, I see. You can leave on your bra and panties if you want, but I'm commando right now, so I'll be skinnier than you." 

_That grin will end me. Forget slow, sign me up!_ "It's the middle of the night!"

"Which ensures our privacy, most likely. Unless owls and elk and trees make you nervous? Wait, and rocks. There's rocks, too. And besides, it's only barely past midnight."

"Um, okay, smartass. Sure. Yes. Towels?"

"And a blanket, in the trunk. There's some bottled water, too. You'll get thirsty, from the heat." I got out of the car as he popped the trunk release. We were in the middle of the forest, surrounded by towering hemlocks and cedars, a narrow path leading into the trees.

"You planned this, didn't you?" _I have a funny feeling about this._

"Not entirely. _Hoped_ is perhaps a better word. But the 'skinny' part was spontaneous, and Alice and Jasper didn't figure in my hopeful scheming. I would have suggested it tonight anyway if you hadn't started yawning so early. We come here all the time."

"Well, lead the way!"_ Now that I know how, I'd like to _come_ here too… _

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I was kinda nervous about this one - it's chatty and short, but it got me where I wanted them to be...

mmm, clams in lemon butter....

I love responding to all your reviews!


	6. Hot Tears

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

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"We come here all the time."

"Well, let's go!" _She was bubbling over._

The forest was quiet, all the animals in the area sensing the presence of a supreme predator. _Me._ I heard the crunch of pine needles beneath my feet, the wind whipping in her hair as I ran, carrying her along the path, up the steep hillside to the springs. There were no other cars parked along the road where we'd found the trail, but there was always a possibility that some hikers might have found their way here tonight. We were lucky to find the area deserted.

I lowered her gently to her feet, and walked up to a large pool, chest deep, ringed with boulders on the up hill side. The pool spilled over into another just below it, slightly shallower, and cooler than this upper pool. The lower pool cascaded in turn to another, and then into a creek that flowed to the base of the hill.

"There are other pools scattered along the hillside, over there, and up higher. This one is my favorite."

"You hedonist. What's that smell?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Sulphur, and other minerals, from the water. You get used to it. As a matter of fact, it's actually kind of soothing, once you begin to associate the smell with the place. Ready?"

"Can't wait!" She was undressing quickly, laying her clothes and underwear on a boulder a ways back from the edge of the water. The sky peeked through the clouds intermittently, her skin luminous in the moonbeams. I felt a surge in my loins, but my throat burned only slightly. _Courage._

"Drink some water, before you get in, okay?"

I stripped while she drank half a liter of water, and placed my clothes on the boulder with hers, along with the blanket and one of the towels. The other towel she'd wrapped around her like a cloak. "It's kind of chilly out here, even if it is July."

"Silly girl. Get in the water."

"You first."

I knew the easiest way to enter the pool was between the two boulders next to her. I hopped into the water lightly, and took her hand and showed her where to put her feet to avoid slipping, and where the best hand holds would be as she took the long step down into the pool. I tried to focus on the placement of her hands and feet, rather than the beauty of her bare body in the moonlight. Her foot touched the water and she flinched.

"Damn!"

"It's about the same as a hot bath, Bella."

"I guess. It just surprised me it would be that hot, right out of the ground."

"It's even hotter back there, under that ledge. Stay near this outer edge of the pool, the water is just a little cooler here."

She placed her foot in again, gingerly, and slowly stepped to the floor of the pool. The water was mid-thigh on her there, and she almost slipped when she misjudged how deep it was. I placed my hands on her waist and lifted her into the water from there, rather than risking her falling and hitting her head on one of the rocks. Getting her out of here naked and wet with a head injury would be tricky.

A soft purr escaped her lips as she sank into the water up to her chin. I couldn't help but smile. _My little sybarite._

I sank into the water closer to its source, submerging completely, hearing the sounds of her feet against the sandy floor of the pool, the coursing water as it flowed from the rocks, her heartbeat reverberating around me. The intense heat warmed me to my bones, a rare sensation. I emerged from the water a few minutes later to see her lying against the overflow, eyes closed, limbs splayed, adrift like a leaf in a stream. _Perfect._

I stepped closer to her and placed one arm under her shoulders, the other behind her knees, pulling her close to me as the water carried her weight. She was floating, in my arms.

Her eyes shot open and her body tensed, as she struggled to push me away.

"Edward?"

"What love? What did I do?" I knew exactly what had startled her: _warm hands._

"You're – you're not cold!"

I allowed my smile to speak for me as she drifted back down into the water, buoyant and serene, her eyes never leaving mine. I took her more tightly into my arms, kissing her throat, behind her ears, her shoulders as she fought against the buoyancy to wrap her legs around my waist. I was relaxed enough from the heat that when her core came in contact with my belly it didn't bother me too much. At first. But my body reacted of its own accord as she tightened her grasp with her thighs.

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"Bella, love, we have company."

"I don't care." I squeezed him again with my legs, feeling his growing erection lifting toward my behind.

"You will," he whispered into my neck.

"Oh, God. All of them?" _Oh screw it. Who cares._

"The hunting party, yes."

Just then I heard Emmett's booming laugh as Edward maneuvered me against the rocks at my back, effectively shielding all of me from view but my head and shoulders, and my knees which were quite obviously tucked up under his armpits. The only way to break this position and avoid accidental contact with Edward's erection would expose one or both of us to Emmett's eyes. Edward was modest enough that he preferred to hold our current position. _Very chivalrous. Like a knight in shining armor, ever ready to protect the damsel. Lend me your sword, good sir knight… I have a scabbard, custom made… Good lord where did that come from?_

"Well, well well. What do we have here? A little premarital nookie? I've never been so proud of you Ed. Seriously. It's about fucking time." He had launched his enormous naked form into the water behind Edward, the resulting waves bobbing us like fishing floats. I kept my eyes on Edward, afraid of seeing more than Emmett's bare behind. _Meh. Too much like a side of beef. I prefer Sir Edward, the Lean._

Edward didn't move, didn't take his eyes from me, and didn't speak a word. I expected him to be furious, but the look on his face was one of resigned acceptance. I couldn't help but smile. The whole scene was sad, and too funny at the same time.

"Emmett, please. Give them some peace. I'm sure they didn't come up here hoping to see us." Carlisle's voice was calm, and firm, but you could hear the smile behind his words. I turned to look at him, off to the side and not quite behind me, and saw Esme at his side, smiling up at him. I heard Rosalie mumbling something unintelligible from farther up the hillside, ending with a very clear "NOW, EMMETT."

"Yes, Rose." He hauled himself out of the water reluctantly.

"Don't even think about it if you value your Jeep."

"I'm going, I'm going." He grumbled under his breath as I heard him run up the hill, then Rose giggling, then a splash.

"What was that all about?"

"He was contemplating stealing our clothes and towels. This is his favorite pool, too."

"Goodnight, Bella." Carlisle's voice trailed off to the west, and I knew he and Esme had found another pool.

"Goodnight."

_Edward, make sure she drinks._

"I will."

He untangled our arms, and shifted his body to the side as I removed my legs from his waist. I noticed as he stood that while his 'problem' had abated somewhat during our interruption, he was still obviously aroused. He leapt out of the pool smoothly and returned in two heartbeats with the remainder of the first bottle of water. The moonlight on his wet skin made him shimmer like pearls, the line of black hair trailing down from his navel in stark contrast with his oyster whiteness. He was beautiful.

"Come, sit here and drink this," he motioned for me to sit on the edge of the pool on the rocks beside him, a sort of bench at the water's edge.

"I'll freeze!"

"No, trust me. You're getting overheated, Carlisle could tell. You need to drink this and cool off a bit before you get light headed. Besides, you're getting pruney."

He was right. Standing up took more effort than I realized, and sitting naked on the cool smooth stones felt wonderful. I finished the rest of the water in three gulps. A light breeze tickled my skin, and I had never felt so alive. The amazing sensation of the heat, being naked in Edward's presence, and being outdoors all at the same time was odd. It was sensual, liberating, natural. I should probably have tried to cover myself, but I had no need for modesty at that moment. Edward's eyes smoldered as he looked at me, and he moved to stand between my knees. _Where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?_

I could hear Rosalie's laughter in the distance, and other soft sounds coming from the west. I knew Edward could hear them better than I could, and hear their thoughts as well. I began to chill, my skin pebbling in the cool night air. Edward slowly pulled me into his embrace, and my legs wrapped around his waist once again. My core came into contact with his for the first time, without barriers, the base of his erection sandwiched between my folds. We both froze, aware of how close we were, neither of us wanting to stop, but needing to stop. He slowly pulled me even closer, pulling me down into the steaming water. His kisses were slow, deep, packed with longing, but the look on his face was one of pain.

"Am I hurting you?" _Please say no, Edward_.

"Pain is the furthest thing from my mind right now."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking I want to move my hips, and I know that if I do, I won't be able to stop. I love the way you feel, holding me, urging me on. To know that you want me, it's almost too much to bear." His mouth was hungry on mine. He whispered, between kisses, "I want to fill you, to feel you surrounding me, tight and hot and wet, I want to hear what sounds you'll make, to hear my name on your lips when I enter you, I want to know what that feels like, to be where I belong, to give myself over to it, to be a man, inside the woman that was made for me. God Bella, I want to be inside you." He buried his face in my neck, the strength of his embrace almost bruising.

He'd never spoken to me like that before, to so specifically name his desires. The look on his face had indeed been one of pain, the pain of longing. I twitched my hips, only an inch at most, moving my folds against his shaft. He groaned like an animal in agony, and I kissed his neck. He loosened his hold on me, and turned his face to mine. I was breathing hard, my forehead pressed to his, our lips touching, but not kissing. I licked his lower lip, and met the tip of his tongue with mine. I closed my lips around it, sucking it lightly into my mouth. He reciprocated, nibbling at my lips as I panted into his mouth, the tip of his tongue dancing over mine, swirling, teasing.

Off in the distance, I heard Emmett laughing.

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"Stop worrying about the pussy your brother's getting, Em, and think about _this_." Emmett's hearty laugh announced to the world his delight with my sister's gesture. I hoped all Bella heard was the laugh.

My body throbbed against Bella's core, the base of my erection shrouded in her folds. I'd just said things to her I'd barely allowed myself to admit, much less given voice to. It was all true. All I could do was look into her eyes, and hope she understood what I _didn't_ say. _Too much. Too close_.

She pushed her hips back away from me and repositioned herself so that both her legs were on the same side of my body, our chests still pressed together.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not making me stop you."

"What do you mean?"

"For sticking to the line. If you hadn't stopped when you did, I wouldn't have either. I'm not a piece of stone, Bella, I have desires too – and my interest in sticking to the line is already wavering. I need you to help me, I can't maintain this level of control by myself. I want you Bella, in every way imaginable, and now that I know this is going to work, I'm having immense difficulty being patient. We agreed to the line, to wait, but you can't do that to me and expect me to always be the one to put on the brakes. I want you too badly. So, thank you, for stopping. I hate always being the one to say no."

Silence. The only sounds were those of my family, now thankfully subdued, some insects chirping in the forest, and the cascading mineral water flowing from one pool to the next and on down the hillside.

"When does the moratorium start?"

"Well, if the wedding is August 13th… I guess that gives us about a month."

"I don't want to move from this spot, for a month. The feeling of your skin against mine, the warm water, the moonlight, your arms. I don't want to let go of you, Edward." She kissed me again, and I tasted the salt of sweat on her lips.

I laughed, thinking what she'd look like after a month submerged in sulphur water.

"Somehow I don't think Alice would be very happy pouring a dissolved prune into your wedding dress. Would you, Alice?"

"Why aren't I surprised," she whispered into my neck. The look on her face was priceless. I'd known they were approaching, but hated to interrupt our conversation.

"No, I wouldn't be very happy about that, and no, you shouldn't be surprised. Sorry about earlier. Jasper and I…" Alice spoke quietly from behind me, having entered the pool with us much more delicately than Emmett. Jasper was with her, his back to Bella, his emotions soothing, trying to convey to her that he didn't plan to compromise her modesty.

"Its okay, Alice. I understand." I felt them touch hands under the water, their fingers twining together for the briefest moment.

"Me too, Bells." Jasper laid a gentle blanket of _happy_ over all of us, light, relaxed. He needn't have bothered.

"I know Jazz. It's okay, really. Besides, if I'd stayed asleep, who knows how long it would have taken him to bring me here."

"Not long," Alice giggled, knowing exactly when I would have brought her here, probably better than me.

"How long before I get to come again?"

All three of us laughed uncomfortably at her unintentional double entendre. She slapped the back of my head, as I leaned in to kiss her, still laughing.

"Let's get you out of here Bella. We'll have the house to ourselves for a few hours if we leave now." _Maybe that's not such a good idea._

"I don't know if I trust you with my virtue, sir. Alice? Are his intentions honorable?"

"Definitely not. He's a manwhore, Bella. No self-respecting girl should ever be left alone with him."

I laughed and splashed Alice hard, full in the face. I scooped Bella up and out of the water before she had a chance to be embarrassed about Jasper accidentally seeing her bare behind.

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Chapter title refers to a Quileute legend about the formation of Sol Duc and Olympic hot springs. You can google it.

The Olympic Hot Springs are real, but not quite as I described them. They are much shallower than northern New Mexico's Spence and San Antonio hot springs, which I used as my visual inspiration for this scene. Gorgeous. *home sick for NM*

As always, reviews are almost better than naked wet Cullen boys... and custom scabbards.


	7. Breakfast, and some light reading

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

Thank you so much to everyone reading and reviewing!

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_"Definitely not. He's a manwhore, Bella. No self-respecting girl should ever be left alone with him."_

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I shrieked and tried to cover my backside when Edward swooped me up out of the water, but Jasper and Alice were too busy to even notice he had just mooned them with _my_ butt. He laughed at my shock, and I smacked every inch of him I could reach, namely the back of his head and his ass. _His perfect, white ass._

"Ow! Isabella, you're _hurting_ me!" The tone in his voice reminded me of a preschooler. I was trying not to laugh at the thought of _me_ hurting _him._ "Suck it, Cullen. And PUT ME DOWN!"

His laughter stopped instantly. "_What_ did you just say to me?"

I smacked him on the ass again. "PUT ME DOWN." I hit him a little too hard and hurt my hand.

My feet hit the ground harder than he intended, I hoped, and he was an inch from my face. His eyes were huge, his voice dripping honey. "Before that, Bella. _What_ did you tell me to do?"

I whispered "I said _SUCK IT_, Cullen," and squinted my eyes, daring him to comment. I whipped around to find the blanket we'd brought, wrapped it around my shoulders, and tried to smother my giggles.

He snaked his arms around me seductively from behind and kissed me lightly on the back of my neck. The voice he used was deep and soft, meant only for my ears. "Oh, Bella, I'll do that, and _more_."

_Holy. Crap._

His hands were on my breasts and belly, moving the blanket as if he were helping me dry off, but considering what he'd just said to me, I knew better than to think he was merely being _helpful_. I turned around to kiss him and his face was perfectly composed, as if he'd just told me what time it was, and then he winked at me. My legs felt like jello. He handed me the extra towel, and held the blanket tight around me as I wrapped my head.

Once my hair was no longer dripping down my back, I dressed quickly, shoving my bra and panties into my pockets. I hated the feeling of being clothed again, and wanted to sink back into the water and never come out. When I turned to face him again, he was dragging his towel over himself slowly, watching me watch him, with that new grin on his face.

_Toying with me_.

All I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open as he meticulously dried his body and dressed. After he pulled on his shirt, he stepped toward me, pinned me against a boulder, and held my face in his hands. He closed his eyes, rubbed his nose on mine, and kissed me. It was slow and deliberate, all jaw and lips and chin and tongue and masculine power. This was not a tender, mutual exploration, this was Edward, in control, kissing _me_, almost showing off. I was stunned, unable to react other than to open my mouth and moan into his.

He broke the kiss, leaving me panting, our foreheads pressed together. After I'd caught my breath, he kissed me again, soft and sweet, and whispered, "Five weeks."

All I could do was nod in agreement.

We gathered the blanket and wet towels and he slung me onto his back. He patted my legs, seeing the longing in my face as I looked behind us at the steaming water. "We'll be back."

"I can't believe you didn't bring me here sooner."

"I wish I had. It's wonderful in the dead of winter."

I shuddered when I realized I'd been alone all last winter. We were back to the trailhead in a matter of minutes, and he cranked up the heat for the drive back to his house. I snuggled into his neck for a brief kiss, and then curled up in my seat and fell asleep. I woke up the next morning alone in his bed, wearing one of his shirts and nothing else, smelling like egg yolks.

.

.

.

~*~*~*~

I would like to have given her a shower to wash off all the minerals from the spring, but didn't have the heart to wake her. I carried her up to my room, changed her into the softest shirt I could find, and tucked her into my bed. She woke just enough to mumble my name and try to drag me into bed with her, and then she was out cold. I went back out to the car to retrieve the blanket and towels, and threw them in the wash with our clothes to get rid of the smell before it permeated the house. I truly didn't mind it while we were soaking; it was something you began to associate with feeling wonderful, but it wasn't a smell you wanted all over your house. It was, however, an insignificant price to pay for the look on her face when I'd placed my warm hands on her in the spring, and the feel of her floating in my arms.

I took a shower in Esme's bathroom, and let the events of the last 48 hours replay in my head. More than anything, I'd discovered that the control I'd been struggling to expand was an illusion, and that fear and avoidance are not things on which to build strength.

Why hadn't we been this open with each other before? Why hadn't I trusted myself before?

Our closeness had grown exponentially as soon as I focused only on how much I loved her, and not my fears. I finally felt like a _man_, rather than the century-old, self-loathing boy that had run away from her almost a year ago. I'd been so _stupid_ to think she'd be better off without me, on her own. I couldn't remember what logic led me to that conclusion, other than feeling guilty for every injury she had since meeting me. It was selfish, pompous to think I had the right to make that choice for her; that only I had the ability to decide what course she should follow. In reality, all I'd done was leave her broken and adrift, exposed like a raw nerve, severed, unable to heal; just as I had been.

All I had to do was say yes. Yes, I will love you for the rest of my existence. Yes, I was terrified of losing you, hurting you, putting you in danger. Yes, I'm strong enough to fight for this, for you, for us. Yes, I will always be here for you, no matter the cost. I'd been a coward; a selfish, pathetic coward, and she loved me anyway. From this day forward, I would accept any challenge, oppose any adversary, yield to her every desire if only to keep her at my side, to hear her voice, feel her hand in mine. I was never surer of what I wanted, and never so confident that I could have it.

.

.

.

~*~*~*~

I stood behind him, watching him play, the muscles in his shoulders and forearms rippling under his skin. He was shirtless, clad only in the flannel pants he'd briefly worn in bed the night before. I loved watching him as much as I loved listening. Beyond the physicality of moving his hands across the keys, I was entranced by the way his entire body interacted with the instrument, especially when he played his own music. Seeing the sway of his body on the bench, the rise and fall of his shoulders, and the tilt of his head, made me feel like a voyeur, catching lovers in the act. _I'll be the piano, soon._

At the end of the piece he sat quietly for a moment and, without turning to look, asked me if I'd slept well.

"Am I intruding?"

"Never." He turned to me and smiled, stretching his hand out to me. I intended to sit beside him on the bench, but he pulled me onto his lap and rested his head on my shoulder. I kissed his forehead.

"Yes, I slept well."

I heard a familiar sputtering from the kitchen and I felt him smile against my neck. "Coffee?" _Thank god._

"Just for you. Hungry?"

My belly growled. "Who, Me?"

***

"I don't know what to do with myself." We were sitting on the couch staring out the window at the river, sunshine dancing across the water. She was sleepy again after breakfast, dozing off with her head in my lap.

"Me neither," she said, yawning.

"Do you realize that this is the first time in almost two years we haven't had some sort of impending doom hanging over our heads?"

"I guess you're right. So, what do we do, now that we have a boring life?"

"You have just hit upon one of the core problems with this existence, Bella. Boredom."

"Who would have thought being an immortal super-predator would be dull."

"Welcome to the family."

"Ooooh, Emmett! YES!" _Oh for God's sake, they're at it again. _Rosalie's moans were punctuated by Emmett's booming laughter, echoing down the stairwell. I could feel the heat from Bella's rising blush where her face rested on my thigh.

"I guess it's not _too_ dull." She rolled onto her back and looked up at me, her lips parted into a sly grin.

"It wouldn't kill them to pick up a book now and then, instead." Except the only books I could picture Emmett picking up were illustrated sex manuals and sports magazines.

"Did I tell you I have a few new books?"

"No, you didn't."

"One of them is very interesting. Alice gave it to me."

I was too relaxed to see where this was going. "Yeah? What is it?"

She rolled from her back to face me, her cheek resting against my groin. "The Kama Sutra. She gave it to me at the shower."

The flannel pajama pants I wore didn't offer much in the way of camouflage for my body's involuntary swelling. She smiled and rubbed against it with her ear. _Of course it came from Alice. Who else? _I stared out the window as her hand began to travel up and down my chest. I tried to think about global warming and Al Gore inventing the internet, or anything but her studying a book full of sexual positions, but it was pointless. "Have you had a chance to look at it very much?"

"Not really. But what I did see was very, um, _intriguing_."

"It's an ancient text, you know, two thousand years or more. Most of the books around today that call themselves Kama Sutra aren't much more than a catalog of positions. The real Kama Sutra is much more." _And I'm only interested in it for scholarly purposes. Right?_

"You seem to know a lot about it. Must be a favorite of yours?"

"I love old books. I have a copy, upstairs." _Just call me Emmett._

"I'm sure it's very dusty. You'd probably have a hard time even finding it." I couldn't help but smile at her. Seeing this side of her was like Christmas morning. I wondered what else I'd been missing.

"Actually, I know exactly where it is. Right next to my bed."

"Your bed?"

"Yep."

Silence.

I laughed. "Wanna see?"

I was startled by how quickly she was off the couch and half way up the stairs, laughing. I took my time. When I walked in the room, she was laying on her stomach in the middle of my bed, feet straight up in the air, turning the pages of the book. I could just see the edge of lace boy shorts peeking out from under the shirt I'd put on her last night.

"C'mon, Edward. Let's read a book together!" She sounded like we were going to read a children's book. _See Dick play. Play, Dick, Play. _I stifled a laugh.

"This is different from the one Alice gave me."

I crawled up on the bed and lay down as close to her as I could, our bodies touching from shoulder to knee. She was slowly flipping pages, focusing on the section of the book with images of often elaborately costumed figures engaged in various sexual acts, the women intricately adorned with rust-colored henna. I named the ones she hesitated over the longest, and kissed her upper arm between each one. It was a good thing we were laying on our stomachs. I was painfully erect.

"You know this book pretty well."

I couldn't look her in the eye. I kissed her again, and rubbed my nose over the spot I'd just kissed. "I like old books." I bumped her foot with mine, and our lower legs twisted together.

She went back to flipping pages, stopping on an image of a man receiving oral sex. Her index finger trailed over the image, and I heard her lick her lips. Her thoughts were obvious, even to me. I would never ask her to do anything like that, but I couldn't deny being aroused by the thought. She tilted her head towards mine and sighed, her finger still circling the image. I moved enough to kiss the side of her head. I was staring at the image, too.

"Edward," she purred, "is _that_ an appetizer?"

I was barely able to speak. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to picture her lips wrapped around me, with her eyes closed in concentration. For a moment the old fear crept back in and my body tensed. _NO._ A groan escaped my lips as I rested my face on her arm. "I suppose so, but it's a _very intense_ appetizer, Bella. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"I think about that, doing that. I want to." Her voice was barely a whisper.

_I want to let you._

I flipped a few pages back to an image of a man with his face buried between his woman's legs, and grazed over it with my thumb. She moaned softly, staring at the page for several minutes. I rubbed my face against her upper arm, nodding yes. _I want this too, but not today._ She flipped to another image we'd looked at earlier of a man seated with his legs crossed, his woman astride, her head tilted back in ecstasy, her elegant henna-tipped fingers reaching for the sky. Instead of touching the image, she reached up and caressed my face. I leaned into her touch, and kissed her palm.

"Soon, love. Soon," I said, pulling her into my arms.

.

.

.

* * *

not soon enough - right? ~sigh~ (damn I'm mean!)

5 weeks = 4 weeks of foreplay + 1 week cold turkey....

I love old books too, but E's copy of the Kama Sutra is a product of my imagination. There are many on the market, but i dreamed this particular one up.

So, how many of you just googled Kama Sutra positions? How many of you googled San Antonio hot springs in New Mexico after the previous chapter?

Leave me some Review lovin - it's almost better than googling pictures of E's bare butt. {oh, how I wish that were possible}


	8. Pull my hair, and spank me

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews and comments! I feel like a rock star!

* * *

_Previously:  
_

_...She moaned softly, staring at the page for several minutes. I rubbed my face against her upper arm, nodding yes. __I want this too, but not today._ She flipped to another image we'd looked at earlier of a man seated with his legs crossed, his woman astride, her head tilted back in ecstasy, her elegant henna-tipped fingers reaching for the sky. Instead of touching the image, she reached up and caressed my face. I leaned into her touch, and kissed her palm. 

_"Soon, love. Soon," I said, pulling her into my arms._

_._

_._

_._

_~*~*~*~*~ EPOV  
_

_Go easy on it, dude, you're gonna wear her out before you even break her in._

"Where'd you park your Jeep last, Emmett?" I had to laugh when I heard him mumbling slurs as he ran to the garage.

"Do I want to know?" She buried her face in my neck when she heard Emmett's name.

"He thinks we're doing more than we are, and wanted to remind me how fragile you still are."

"Is that the Edwardized version?"

"You want me to quote him?"

"Please."

"He said that I needed to 'go easy' with you or I'd 'wear you out' before I could 'break you in.'"

She squinted her eyes, and pressed her lips into a thin angry line. "Do you have to put up with that often?"

"Since 1935."

"Did you do anything to his Jeep?"

"Not yet."

"I want to help, when you do."

"I don't know if that's such a great idea, Bella. He has a rare talent for wicked paybacks; I'd hate for you to be permanently in his crosshairs."

"I think it's too late for that. Can we paint it pink?"

"Like, 'Pink' pink?" I had to laugh at the inside joke: Emmett's pride and joy, painted glittery sex-toy pink.

"Well, he is a total knob, after all. Why not?"

She was completely serious, and I couldn't stop laughing. "We could take the battery out, too," I told her. She laughed so hard she snorted.

"Oh, god, yes! Edward! Yes! Please!" She accentuated the words to make it sound like we were having sex, but she was laughing so hard I doubt anyone would believe it.

"Vibrating seat cushions!" I suggested.

"A tiny chrome penis hood ornament! _Very_ tiny!" Her eyes bugged, and she covered her mouth with her hands at her own brashness.

"Furry pink handcuffs hanging from the rearview mirror!" I waggled my eyebrows.

She was beginning to wheeze. "Oh god. This is too good. Can we really do all that?"

"Let me make some calls. There's a body shop in Port Angeles, the owner is very discreet. We'd have to wait till the next time he goes hunting, and find a way to get him to leave the Jeep here. Are you sure about this?"

"If it causes Emmett grief, then yes, I'm sure."

"I'm not sure you realize what you're getting yourself into."

"Welcome to the family, right?"

"How was I lucky enough to find you? Go get your shower, I'll take you home and we can make some calls." I swatted her on the butt as she got up from the bed. She let out a tiny yelp, her face blushing pink.

"Oh, you haven't gotten lucky _yet_, lover boy. Five weeks, remember?"

She giggled as she ran to my bathroom and locked the door. I heard Jasper laughing, and Alice's thoughts: _Let us know if you need any help with the Jeep._

_._

_._

_.  
_

~*~*~*~*~ BPOV

"Grab those boxes and take them up to my room, okay? I need to find the tape and some markers."

"What for?"

"Well, I thought maybe since I'm getting married, and going away to college, I might at least clean out my room."

"Oh. Right."

"I'll be up in a minute. Are you sure you can get hold of the body shop guy on a Sunday?"

"Very."

"We can probably find the rest of our 'enhancements' online, right?"

"I'm all over it."

I found the markers and packing tape, and by the time I made it upstairs, Edward was wrapping up the arrangements with the body shop in P.A. He was studying Pink as he spoke, fiddling with the vibration control.

"Bubblegum. Diamond flake. No, don't worry about cure time, overnight is fine. You'll be repainting it inside a week again anyway. I know, but I'll make it worth your while. Probably not till next weekend. A new hood ornament, too, but we don't have it in hand yet. Might need to have it fabricated. Will do. Thanks, Joe. I'll talk to you later in the week."

"Sounds like we're in business. Project Pink Knob is under way."

"You're starting to scare me, Isabella."

"Good," she smirked.

"This thing is beyond bizarre, you know that?"

"Here – tape the bottom of this box together."

"Did you hear me?"

"I think you're intimidated by it. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I need much else in life. Just me, some coppertops, and Pink, for all eternity." He tackled me to the bed, Pink still in his hand. He brandished it like a weapon.

"You think you could replace me with some silicone and a couple of double A's?

"D's, actually. You think I need something else?" I ground my hips up into his.

"You will be the death of me, you know that?

"What ever do you mean, Mr. Undead?"

"I've had a near constant erection for 3 days." His tongue snaked over my neck and jaw.

"You should see a doctor for that. Maybe you need some 'alone time.'"

He kissed me hard, moaning into my mouth. "Maybe I need to f…" His voice, barely a whisper, trailed off.

My heart was suddenly pounding. I'd only heard him use that word once before, and he was angry when he said it. "Maybe you need what?"

"Maybe we both need some alone time."

"That's not what you were about to say. You were about to say you needed to fu…" His mouth crashed onto mine again before I could finish the word. When he stopped kissing me long enough to catch my breath, I asked him again. "What were you about to say, Edward?" He kissed me again, along my neck and collarbone.

"It was selfish, and vulgar." He continued to kiss me, slower, and softer.

"You want to fuck me. Don't you, Edward?"

"Please don't, Bella. I hate that language."

"It's just a word, Edward. A very small and descriptive word."

"What is it with you and words? It's a hideous word. Vulgar. Disrespectful."

"And what if I were to tell you that's what I wanted, Edward, to fuck? Would that be vulgar?"

"Yes. No. It's different – I mean, I want to make love, Bella, _with_ you, not 'to' you. The other – that's just, well, it's not right."

"What about it isn't right?"

"It implies that my needs would come first, that you are just an object to be used. It reduces you to an 'orifice.' I will never think of you that way."

"You could look at it that way. But it could also imply a certain level of 'vigor.'" He looked at me like I was from Mars. I kissed him and whispered against his lips, "What if I wanted to fuck **_you_**, Edward?"

"What are you talking about?"

I kissed him again. "If we want to touch each other a certain way, Edward, who decides if it's right or wrong? Us, or a hundred year old dictionary?"

"Us, of course. I just - that word…"

"Can you even say the word?"

"I don't think I can."

"Say it."

"Bella, no."

"Say it. Say fuck."

"Fuck. There. Are you happy?"

I kissed him again, and licked his lips and sucked the tip of his tongue into my mouth. I grabbed his waist with both hands and ground my hips into his. "Yeah. Say it again, like you mean it." I moved in all the ways I'd wanted to in the hot spring.

"Ahhh, Bella. Fuck, I need you." His voice was weak, breathy.

"What were you going to say before, Edward? What do you need?" I sucked his neck, my hands traveling over his chest, pinching his nipples through his shirt.

"I – oh Bella -"

I unfastened his belt, tugging at the button on his pants. I slid my hand in and wrapped my fingers around him. He groaned at the contact. I barely had a chance to feel the length of him before he'd flipped us over and buried his hand in my pants. I grunted when his fingers moved into my heat.

He whispered into my ear, "I need to fuck you, right here, right now. I want to fuck you. Ask me to fuck you."

My eyes rolled back into my head. "Yeah."

"Is this what you want Bella? For me to fuck you with my hand?"

"Ungh." He had two of his fingers curled inside me, and his thumb was merciless. I was already coming, hard and fast, and I couldn't speak. I took my hand out of his pants and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him against me as I came. I lay there, panting and speechless, for several minutes.

He placed soft kisses all over my face and neck and waited for my heart to stop pounding. "What was that all about?"

"You wanted to say it, and I needed to hear it. It's just a word."

"That wasn't about a word and you know it."

I looked him straight in the eye, needing to make sure he heard me. "Part of me doesn't want to be treated like a gilt teacup any more. I know you can't physically let loose, so I figure that's as close as I'll get while I'm still human."

"Using profanity? Well, shit, bitch, why the hell didn't you tell me before?"

"No, dumbass. Not 'profanity' – talking dirty. I think I'd like you to let go and be a little 'vulgar,' now and then."

He was suddenly grinning ear to ear. He pulled his wet hand out of my pants and brought his fingers to his lips. "How vulgar, Bella?" He placed his thumb against his lips and sucked it like a popsicle. "Bella?"

I couldn't stop staring at his hand, or his mouth. "I don't know."

"Like, maybe telling you how much I want to eat your delicious, sweet, hot, dripping pussy?" Each word was punctuated with a slurp on the end of one of his fingers, and then he kissed me. I could taste myself on his lips.

"Yeah." I closed my eyes, lost in the sound of his voice and the image from the book.

"Or, maybe you'd like me to tell you how badly I want to feel your juicy little mouth wrapped around my cock?"

"Yeah." I bit my lip as I tried to imagine what he would taste like.

"Or maybe I should tell you how much my balls ache, and will continue to, since your father is pulling into the driveway?"

"Oh shit, Edward. Are you serious?" I was up off the bed fastening my pants, trying to hear the cruiser outside.

"Painfully." He collapsed face down on my bed with both hands under his hips.

I stood there staring at his back, and there was nothing for us to do but laugh.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"Well, yes. Yes, Edward, I _am_ laughing at you."

"You'll pay for that."

"Promise to pull my hair? Maybe I'll like being spanked, too."

"I'm joining a monastery tomorrow. I can't handle this."

"That's probably why your balls ache. Now get up and pull yourself together," I hissed.

"Hi, Dad!" I shouted down the stairs.

"Hi Bells. Is Edward up there?"

"Yeah, we just got here."

Edward walked to the top of the stairs to greet him. "Hello Charlie."

"We're doing some packing. Do you need me to make you some lunch?"

"Edward," he said, nodding. "No, Bells, I just ate at Sue's. Did you find the boxes I left?"

"Yep. Got 'em right here."

"Okay, well, okay then."

Edward flopped back onto my bed with his hands under his head, staring at the ceiling.

"Why don't you go home? Take care of your little problem?"

"Because I'm sure something else in the universe would conspire to cockblock me, so I might as well stay here."

"Oh my god, Edward. Do you realize you said fuck, pussy, cock and balls all within 2 minutes of each other?"

"You're a bad influence." I jumped back onto the bed, straddled him and began smacking every part of him that wasn't flailing.

"Not helping the HMPH ball situation here. Watch your UNGH hips, please!" I collapsed onto his chest, laughing hysterically. I propped myself up on my hands and kissed him. He was smiling. "Love you."

"Love you, too. Do you plan to do any more work on Project Pink Knob while I pack, or are you just going to lay there and throb?"

"I'm going to help you pack. I'm trying to get all knob-related thoughts out of my brain, thankyouverymuch."

"Okay then, tape up the bottoms of these boxes for me."

I sorted through all the clutter littering my room, including handprint turkeys, paper snowflakes, and crayon drawings of castles and princesses that Renee sent to Charlie over the years. He'd decorated my room with them, and I didn't have the heart to take them down when I moved back.

I had four separate boxes identified: one to leave with Charlie, one for things I wanted to keep, and one of things that would go to Dartmouth with me in September. I also had a box for Goodwill, since Alice had already warned me about buying me a new school wardrobe. Someone might as well make use of what she wouldn't let me wear. It almost made me feel like I was in elementary school again, with my mother buying school clothes every August. It meant more to Alice than it did to me, so I didn't argue with her.

Edward didn't speak much, but watched me intently. I would stop now and then to show him something I remembered making when I was a child, or to tell him a story behind a picture Renee had taken. All in all, it was a meager assemblage; a few books and CDs, a box of mementos for Charlie, my journals and school notebooks, and an even smaller box of mementos for me. The room was fairly bare in no time at all.

.

.

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~*~*~*~*~ EPOV

Watching Bella wade through her belongings was a study in efficiency. She didn't linger sentimentally over every single crayon drawing and photograph, but sorted them into boxes according to whom they would mean the most. I could tell she was weighing the future with each object, and left almost everything for Charlie. I believe she wanted him to be able to take comfort in the things that would remind him of her, after she was no longer able to see him.

I was filled with an unexpected sense of grief, watching her pack up the treasures of her distant childhood. I knew we would never be able to have children, and it pained me to think that we'd never have paper snowflakes to send to anyone, never have finger paint handprints taped to our empty refrigerator.

"I wish I could give you babies." _Brown eyes come from a dominant gene. Maybe they'd be hazel?_

"Who said I wanted babies?"

"No one. But someday, you might. Like Rose."

"We could adopt. Some day. If we want."

"No, I don't think I could do that. I don't know how Carlisle did it, and was able to live with himself."

"Well, why couldn't we adopt a human some day?"

"You mean, like a real human baby?"

"Sure."

"I don't think that would be wise. Imagine trying to explain to it why we don't eat, or age. Besides, parents should never outlive their children. And I'm not sure I would want to raise a human child with the burden of keeping our secret."

"Yeah. I didn't think about that." _I did._

"I just want you to be sure."

"Edward, there is a workaround for everything. I'm not the slightest bit worried about having children right now, and I'm sure we'll find a way to deal with it if it ever becomes an issue. I have faith in us."

.

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* * *

Hee hee! Emmett's a knob, and Edward said 'cockblock.' LMAO I love how they just keep yanking each other back and forth, whipping each other into a frenzy and then backing off. I should refer to our hero as Sir Edward, the Blue.

He's still our beloved EmoWard, though.

leave me a little love?


	9. Worth a thousand words

Author's Chapter Notes:

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

_

* * *

  
_

Edward had somehow convinced Emmett to go to Seattle with him and Jasper for a day before leaving to hunt. I drove the Jeep to Port Angeles as soon as they left Forks early Friday morning. Joe was waiting at the shop with a full crew ready to begin cleaning and masking as soon as we arrived. "This is not how I usually like to do things, Miss Swan. Are you sure you understand this won't be my best work?"

"Oh yes, it will be just fine. Like Edward told you, we expect this to be a temporary job, anyway. Fast turnaround is the name of the game. We only have until Sunday afternoon, at the latest."

"Technically speaking, since you don't own the vehicle, this could be considered felony vandalism. I'm taking a huge risk here by agreeing to do this."

"I understand that, Joe, and this is just a family prank. If anyone ends up on the shit list for this it will be me and Edward. Not you. Edward will make sure your name is never mentioned."

"I appreciate that. I know Emmett, and I know I'd be no match for him if he wanted to pound me flat for this."

"I can assure you Edward would never let that happen. So – you'll call me on Sunday?"

"As soon as it's safe to take off the masking."

"Good. Here's the hood ornament. Do you need anything else?"

"Hah, maybe a picture of the look on his face?" Joe laughed nervously as he examined the small chrome penis in his hands.

"I'll see what I can do! Talk to you Sunday." I climbed into Alice's car and we drove back to Forks giggling like a pair of ten year olds who'd just put a bug in someone's lunch box.

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~*~*~*~*~

Alice and I spent the afternoon packing my wardrobe for a photo shoot Esme had arranged as a bridal shower gift. Apparently the photographer was very well known for producing 'boudoir' albums, and Esme thought it might make a nice wedding gift for me to give to Edward. As petrified as I was about letting anyone take racy pictures of me, I knew it was something I could give Edward that he'd never expect. Alice and Rosalie had been shopping for just the right lingerie, and we'd decided to make a day of it for the four of us.

We were supposed to be at the studio early the next morning, so we'd decided to stay Friday night in Seattle. We rented a suite and planned to spend the night giving each other pedicures. As the lone virgin among them, I was regaled will all sorts of wedding night stories from each of them. Even though I didn't necessarily want to picture any of my soon to be in-laws in 'the act,' I spent more of the night laughing than grossed out. It was a wonderful way to spend the evening with my new family.

The photographer's studio was an enormous loft in an old Pike Place warehouse. It took up an entire floor of the building, with high ceilings and massive windows draped with acres of sheer white fabric, flooding the space with soft light. Her online portfolio included some stunning images, erotic and sultry, without being pornographic. I told her I wanted to keep things very modest, and that I didn't want anything too revealing. I wanted to include several specific things I was sure Edward would appreciate, but Esme encouraged me to leave the rest up to the photographer as we got a better feel for each other in person. We brought along a few props: a deep blue silk kimono, my wedding dress, several sets of lace underwear, a beautiful large floral scarf and a few changes of 'normal' clothes and shoes. She had several vignettes already set up according to the conversations Alice and I had with her the previous week, including an enormous black iron bed covered in mounds of white pillows, an antique cheval mirror, and a glossy black grand piano. Above all, I looked forward to the look on his face at seeing me perched on the piano in nothing but the blue kimono.

The afternoon went by quickly. They did my hair and makeup, and we shot thousands of pictures. I was amazed how comfortable I felt with some of the racier poses we tried as the afternoon progressed. She coaxed me into talking about Edward, which was awkward in front of his mother and sisters, but it was obvious that the questions she asked me were designed to get a rise out of me for the camera. My face flushed with heat every time she asked me about his body, or how he touched me, or how we'd met. The way she encouraged me made me feel like a supermodel. I spent the afternoon believing I was beautiful and sexy, which was an incredible feat, considering I was in the same room with Rosalie. That alone was a precious gift. We planned to see the photographer the following week to sort through the proofs and select the best ones to have bound into an album in time for the honeymoon.

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~*~*~*~*~

I was a wreck when Joe finally called on Sunday afternoon. The Jeep was painted and ready, including all the 'extra' modifications we'd requested for the interior. Alice and I moved all the other cars out of the garage, and we parked the Knob Mobile there all by itself. I was mortified to be seen driving it home from Port Angeles, but I figured it was my penance for dreaming the whole thing up in the first place. The plan was to let Emmett find it parked in the garage. Before he left, Edward rigged cameras all over the garage to capture Emmett's reaction from every angle, and Jasper patched the video feed into the big screen in the living room so we could all watch from a safe distance. I was amazed we convinced Carlisle and Esme to play along, but they'd also been on the receiving end of Emmett's crude humor over the years so it didn't really take much. Edward and I decided to keep our inspiration for the 'Pink" paint job to our selves, but the end result was too funny to require much explanation. Alice had purchased the inspiration for me as a shower gift, so she had a unique appreciation for the inside joke.

About 6:00 pm, Edward called to say they were roughly 30 minutes away. We scrambled around trying to look nonchalant, even though we were all about to burst at the seams. Even Rosalie got in on the act, replacing the gear shift knob with a butt plug. I had no interest in knowing what it was for, or when she'd acquired it. She winked at me when I realized she'd used epoxy to attach it. Regardless of what Emmett did with the rest of our modifications, that thing was permanently affixed.

We finally heard the Volvo pull into the driveway, and their laughing voices as they came through the door. Edward and Jasper deserved Oscars for their complete composure, and Emmett was utterly oblivious. It was perfect.

Carlisle and Esme were reading in his study, and Alice, Rose and I were watching a movie in the living room. Jasper kissed Alice briefly, and sat down in a corner with his laptop. Edward joined me on the couch, and Emmett tried to get Rosalie to follow him upstairs. I had a momentary fear she'd give in and we'd have to wait for Monday for our big reveal. To my surprise, she resisted his efforts.

"Em, I need to do a tune up on the Jeep. I've been putting it off all weekend."

"Well, hey, baby, can I help? You know I'm good with a tool or two…" That was about as subtle as Emmett ever got.

"Sure, Em. Let me go upstairs and change, I'll meet you in the garage."

I could barely contain my excitement. She smacked him on the butt and ground her hips into his as she stood up. He growled into her mouth and grabbed a fist full of boob. Alice and I simultaneously said "get a room!"

"You're just jealous. You know you'd love to see my junk in action." We both groaned our disgust as he walked his semi toward the garage. Edward grabbed the remote and clicked over to the auxiliary feed. This was his first look at the finished product.

"Did you guys get any pictures of this before you parked it?"

I giggled. "Dozens."

"Damn, Bella, this is even better than I thought." I giggled again. I loved it when he cursed.

Emmett walked into the garage and stopped dead in his tracks, staring. He brought his hands to his face and scrubbed his eyes, and looked again. He stood there for a couple of seconds clenching his fists, his shoulders hunched. Then he seemed to relax, and started to laugh. "Assholes!" He put his hands in his pockets and walked toward the Jeep, peering inside, noticing the handcuffs. He nudged them with a finger, and continued around to the front where he eyed the new hood ornament. He let out a belly laugh, and then he tensed up all over again. He quickly opened the driver's door and sat down, jumping up about a foot when the vibrating seat cushion turned on. He sat there for a minute staring at something, and then calmly stood up and did another walk around before heading back in to the house.

We were all practically rolling on the floor with laughter. Carlisle and Esme stood at the edge of the room taking it all in, obviously amused at the entire scene. Edward remained calm, apparently expecting the worst was yet to come. That's when I noticed Rose hadn't come back downstairs.

"Okay, so you guys did a pretty good job making that look like my Jeep. I'm not sure which of you sick bastards thought that up, but it is pretty funny, even if the hood ornament is pathetically puny. I mean, who would do something so fucked up to a perfectly good Jeep?"

Edward just sat there, chuckling, clicking through all the different camera angles, admiring our little revenge.

I said quietly "I don't know what you're talking about, Emmett." The room was dead quiet.

"So, where's MY Jeep?"

After about two seconds, Edward answered him. "Emmett, that IS your Jeep."

"That is NOT my Jeep. That is some fucked up piece of shit you thought it would be funny to torture me with. I don't think you've got the balls to do that to MY Jeep."

"What's wrong with the Jeep, baby?" Rosalie finally came downstairs, but she wasn't dressed in anything made for crawling under cars. She was wearing a black leather corset, tiny black leather shorts, fish net stockings and a pair of what Alice would call 'fuck me pumps.'

His eyes were drilling holes into the back of Edward's head as Edward continued to click through all the camera angles, laughing to himself. "Jesus Rose, did you see what's parked in the garage? It's a fucking pink pimp mobile!"

"What are you talking about, babe?" Emmett finally turned to look at her and his jaw dropped.

"Hey Rose – I thought you were gonna – wow." A grin spread across his face, and then it disappeared just as quickly. "What are you – "

"Why don't we go outside and have a look?" Her voice dripped honey.

"S-s-sure, Rose." He actually stuttered. She took him by his hand and led him to the garage.

We all turned to watch them on the big screen. Emmett backed into the garage with his hands up in front of himself as if he were being stalked into a corner by a pack of rabid pit bulls. Rosalie had one hand on her hip as she walked toward him, the other hand wagging a finger in his face. "You will not escalate this, Emmett. You will man up and take it, without complaint. You deserve this, and I am thoroughly impressed Bella was the one to finally call you out."

"_BELLA?_ NO FUCKING WAY!"

"Yes, _Bella_. And you will not retaliate against her, or Edward, until after their honeymoon. Are we clear?"

"But Rose, where's my Jeep?"

"Look at the odometer, fuck stick. Look at the plates."

"Are you fucking SERIOUS, ROSE? That's really _MY FUCKING JEEP_ UNDER ALL THAT?"

"Do you like the gear shift?"

His voice was suddenly quiet. "You did that?"

"Don't forget who's in charge here, McCarty. You've gotten into the habit of talking smack to everyone in this house, so it seems like you need a lesson in manners again. Do you need a lesson in manners, McCarty?"

Edward quickly turned off the television. "I think we've seen enough of that" he said, laughing out loud. We were all staring at their little exchange with our mouths hanging open, speechless.

I completely lost it at that point and collapsed onto the couch in hysterics. Big tough man Emmett was Rosalie's bitch.

The next person to speak was Jasper. "E, please tell me you TiVo'd that."

Edward laughed again and tossed him the remote. He took my hand and we went up to his room, chuckling to ourselves the entire way. I heard quiet laughter coming from Carlisle and Esme's room, although I hadn't noticed when they'd come upstairs. I never did hear Rose and Emmett come in from the garage.

Edward closed the bedroom door behind us, picked me up and twirled me around, laughing and kissing all over my face and neck. "This is the third best day of my life, to date."

"Third best? That's an odd number."

"Well, the very best was that day in our meadow. The second best was the night you agreed to marry me. I have a feeling, though, that in the next few weeks, tonight will fall down the list quite a ways."

"Something in particular you're looking forward to?"

He kissed me slow and hard, until I was breathless. "Mmmm. Several somethings." He continued kissing me as he led me to his bed, his hand cold and hard under my shirt.

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~*~*~*~*~

I felt like an idiot dragging Emmett and Jasper along with me to Seattle, but it was the best excuse I could come up with to get Emmett away from the Jeep for an extra day. I'd planned this particular trip only a few days prior, and was lucky to get an appointment on such short notice. Esme mentioned a photographer she'd worked with for an anniversary gift she'd given to Carlisle, and it seemed like a wonderful thing for me to do as a wedding gift for Bella. She had a truly obnoxious beefcake calendar over her desk at Charlie's that galled me every time I saw it. Apparently it had been a gift from Angela Weber because she thought Mr. September bore a strong resemblance to me. I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or appalled, so I tried not to be either. I decided to give Bella something to ogle besides twelve photoshopped gym rats. The photographer and I spoke at length before hand, and although she didn't normally photograph men, she agreed to give it a try as a favor to Esme. She told me to bring a few changes of clothes, including a tux, some ratty jeans, and any other props that might be meaningful to Bella. I made a point of asking if she had a piano available, and fortunately she did. I remembered the morning after we'd gone to the hot spring when Bella watched me play. The look of lust on her face stayed with me throughout that day. I wanted to recreate that, or at least try. I had one other special request, and having Emmett and Jasper along made that one even better. For the rest of what I had in mind, I could have done without Emmett there, but Jasper would certainly keep us all calm. A soon as I told Emmett what was going on, he rolled his eyes and made several cracks about Glamour Shots for guys and Abercrombie ads. If I hadn't been on a mission to keep him occupied for the day, I would have dumped him on the side of the road.

I didn't have any interest in shooting explicit images, but I was trying to stay open minded. I'd seen the album Esme had given to Carlisle. They were definitely erotic, but tasteful and artistic. It was difficult, to say the least, to see Esme in that light, but they certainly made me appreciate the talent of the photographer, and trust her instincts. I wanted to push my comfort level, and give Bella something memorable as a wedding gift. The photographer seemed to understand that, and I looked forward to seeing where she'd lead.

Her studio was spacious, and her assistants all seemed excited to be trying something new with a male client. Either she was exceptionally good with her models, or Jasper was operating in overdrive. They made me feel very at ease. We started with me in my tux and, before I realized it, the tie was undone, my shirt and pants were unbuttoned, and I was laughing and grinding like a gigolo. For once in my life I enjoyed hearing complimentary thoughts about my physical appearance, and I found myself saying and doing things that were otherwise very out of character. My confidence level soared. I had truly come a long way in the last few weeks, both with Bella and with myself. It was a strange situation to be in, to reveal myself physically to a roomful of strangers, and to be so unexpectedly comfortable with it.

She was very focused on her work, but every now and then her thoughts drifted to ideas for shooting Bella alone, or Bella and I together. It was an intriguing idea, but I doubted it was something Bella would consider. She asked me questions about her, what drew me to her, what she looked like, what our sex life was like; all questions designed to elicit specific reactions. Even with Emmett there, ever ready with a snide remark, the entire shoot was very pleasant. I looked forward to coming back the following week to review the proofs.

~*~*~

The Jeep turned out better than I imagined, and Rose's participation made the entire thing ten times better. Although I clearly owed her for helping us put him in his place, I was sure she'd exact her price from Emmett, and with no complaints from him. I'd been at a loss for how to deal with the reveal from the beginning and imagined several possible outcomes, most of which ended with massive property damage. Fortunately, Rose tied the whole package up with a neat little black leather bow on top, and no violence involved. As soon as she launched into her Dom routine in the garage, I turned off the television. Even though the rest of us already had a pretty vivid idea where their interests lay, Bella didn't need to see that. We laughed our way to my room, and I couldn't keep my hands off her.

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~*~*~*~*~

Esme had been a client of mine several years ago and, if she'd agreed to it, I could have filled a coffee table book with her images. When she contacted me about her son's wedding, I was hesitant to agree to photograph him. The couple had such a compelling story, at least the way Esme told it, that I decided to give it a try. Photographing his fiancé was a no-brainer, but I had never made erotic images of men a part of my portfolio.

When Edward arrived with his brothers, I was shocked to learn he was only 18. The way he expressed himself over the phone, and the thoughtfulness with which he approached the shoot led me to believe he was much older. He was strikingly handsome in a way that was difficult to qualify, and he exuded a masculinity that I wouldn't expect from someone so young. In all honesty, the trio of brothers ran the gamut of male sex appeal, but Edward stood out.

Esme warned me that he would likely be extremely reserved, but I was pleasantly surprised how easy he was to work with. He trusted my judgment with very few exceptions. By the time most of his tuxedo was on the floor, the first set of the day, we were laughing and chatting like old friends. We shot one of his special request images next, which included his brothers and an odd prop, but he assured me this would be something particularly funny to his fiancé. I expected that he would have prepped his brothers regarding their participation, but Emmett, the big one, had no idea. Even so, he roared with laughter and took off his shirt before I had to ask. The other brother, the blonde one, seemed to have been given advance warning, but was much less enthusiastic to take off his shirt. I asked my staff to leave the set with the exception of one lighting assistant, at Edward's request. He and his brother exchanged a few very quiet words, and that was enough for Jasper to mellow out. When he peeled off his shirt, I had a hard time maintaining my composure. The man was covered in thousands of small crescent shaped scars over virtually every square inch of exposed skin. I'd seen some extreme body modifications in my time, but this man looked like he'd fallen into a vat of piranhas and barely escaped with his life. I had a hard time looking away. I shook it off when Edward cast me a pointed glance, and I felt like I'd invaded a very private moment between them. Just as quickly as the awkwardness surfaced, it disappeared. I continued the shoot with Edward and his brothers and the goofy prop, the three of them shirtless and arm in arm, laughing like men who'd experienced more of life than their youth would suggest.

As the day progressed, Edward and I developed a sort of sixth sense with each other. It was like he anticipated the shots I had in mind, without having to be told. When I eventually asked his brothers to leave us alone with just my lighting assistant, he nodded to them without hesitation. I told him if he was uncomfortable in any way we'd stop the shoot and call it a day. He smiled and agreed as he took off the remainder of his clothes. I took several abstract close ups of abs and pecs, and a few deeply shadowed full body profiles from different angles, all of which I was really pleased with. I took a huge risk with the final set and asked him to lie on the bed, hoping to get a few tactful semi-erect frames without making him feel like he was doing gay porn. Before I had to ask him to think about his fiancé, his body was responding. I was startled at first, but I began shooting frames immediately as he situated himself on the bed according to my directions. He seemed to sense my discomfort, and, with a shy smile, he apologized. When he reached to cover himself with the sheet, the look on his face held a combination of modesty and confidence that made me envy his fiancé. I looked forward to meeting her the following day.

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~*~*~*~*~

I took Jasper with me to look at the proofs later that week. He'd been impressed with the photographer's reaction to his scars, and he wanted to talk to her about a similar project for Alice. We arrived a little later than we planned, and were immediately whisked into a small office with contact sheets and dozens of proofs in a pile on a table in the center of the room. The receptionist encouraged us to begin browsing through the images, and told us the photographer was wrapping up with another client and would be with us shortly.

I was taken aback with the beauty of the pictures, the sensitivity of her eye for facial expressions, her use of light and shadow, and the sensuality and playfulness she'd captured. I had to look at some of the images quite a while to believe they were me. They weren't what you'd see when you looked in the mirror, but I felt sure she'd discovered the Edward that Bella saw. I greeted her with a huge smile when she finally joined us, and I could tell that pleased her. We looked over the images together, discussing the merits of the different scenes and ways we could organize them into a cohesive album. We settled on about three dozen individual shots and a basic outline for how the album would flow. She expressed frustration with one particular set of images and asked me if I'd be wiling to re-shoot them that day. She had a gap in her calendar and told me we could probably cover the shots in an hour or so. Jasper and I had no where to be, so I agreed. She left me and said she'd send an assistant back to get us as soon as she had the studio set up the way she wanted.

When the assistant escorted us back to the studio, I was floored to see Alice sitting near the door. I realized I'd seriously underestimated her ability to mask her thoughts from me. I should have heard her before we even came in the buuilding. She greeted me with a hug, a wink, and a nod toward the back window. I wheeled around and noticed Bella seated on the enormous bed, the look of shock on her face no doubt mirroring my own.

I looked at the photographer, who had her hands up in the air as if to ward off the negative reaction she was expecting. I laughed at that and said one word. "Esme."

She laughed out loud. "Yes."

Alice was practically vibrating she was so excited, and Jasper didn't bother trying to reel her in. I couldn't tell if he had been in on the plot or not, but it didn't really matter.

"Okay. So, what's the plan?' I said, knowing full well we'd been drawn into Esme's perfect little snare for a specific purpose.

"Well, I just want to make a few images of you together, and that's pretty much it."

I looked at Bella, and she was blushing crimson, her face in her hands. I walked over to her and sat beside her on the bed. The camera started ticking off frames immediately. "Fancy meeting you here." She laughed. She was wearing a short black satin robe, her hair in loose waves across her shoulders. I leaned in to kiss her and forgot we had an audience until I heard the photographer ask her assistant to clear the room. She came close and knelt in front of us.

"Bella's agreed earlier to do a few nude frames, Edward, and I'd like to include you if you're game." Bella's eyes told me she was ready, so I agreed.

"I think you both have a pretty good feel for how I work, and I expect you each to conduct yourselves with the same level of professionalism. I don't normally shoot intimate couples' portraits. This is not a porn set. Okay?"

She handed me a matching robe and I walked to a small screened off area to undress. When I returned, Bella hadn't moved an inch.

"Okay. Here's where I want to start. Let's set this up, and then you can drop robes once you see what I'm going for. Bella, you stand here, yes, face toward the window a bit more, yes. Edward, stand behind her, no, come out to the side slightly, turn a quarter, a little less, yes. Now, with closed hands, I want you, yes, closed like that, put your hands on his hips – no wait, just the one hand. Yes. Edward, reach around and cover her breast with your forearm, and cover her other breast with your hand. Closed hand. Yes. Bella, use your other hand to cover your – yes, with a flat, closed hand. Softer, not a karate chop hand. Good."

Bella giggled, and I knew exactly why. I dropped my head to her shoulder and smiled. "Sorry love, can't help it."

The photographer, camera clicking furiously, finally spoke up. "Edward, think of something to kill that so we can move on."

"Al Gore," I blurted. She laughed so hard she snorted.

"It's funny you mention him. I shot him and Tipper several years ago, in not an entirely dissimilar pose – "

"Stop right there, or I may never recover." Bella giggled again.

"Okay. Let's drop robes while Edward contemplates Al and Tipper shagging. We'll shoot this one, and then we can move on.

We shot a couple of interesting voyeuristic poses, and two more embraces with carefully placed limbs shielding each other. We moved to the bed for the last set and found ourselves being positioned very similarly to a Kama Sutra image Bella and I admired. "Okay guys, this one is a little bit on the fringe of tasteful, but I think the effect will be nice if you can keep yourselves together. This probably isn't all that unfamiliar of a position for a nearly married couple, so let's just get to it and move on. Edward – remember your friend Al. I'm not here for the peep show." I suppressed a laugh.

Bella sat on my crossed legs with her ankles locked behind me. She was breathing hard, and I wasn't faring much better. The camera was clicking constantly even as she continued giving us direction for hand placement and body angles. I stopped listening to her and the only thing I was aware of was Bella, warm and naked, in my arms. I kissed her, and she responded by pulling me nearer. I heard the photographer laugh, her shutter clicking rapidly as we kissed. "Bella, there isn't enough Al Gore in the world for this. I need you to scoot away, love, right now. Alright?" She leaned back on her hands and unlocked her ankles, with her legs still resting on my thighs. Not exactly a position that was doing me any favors. I moved to bring my feet under me and kissed her sternum as I leaned forward. Her head fell back as she arched into my mouth. I heard the photographer curse, and click off a dozen more frames. She cleared her throat, turned and left the room. I was rock hard, hovering half an inch from Bella's core. It felt like an hour, but it was in reality less than a minute. She kissed my neck, and reached out to grasp me with one very brave hand. I groaned into her ear and backed away from her. She giggled and picked up her robe. "I think you made her uncomfortable."

"I think I owe her an apology."

"I think you should get dressed before you bother, Mr. Peep Show. She probably thinks you're an uncontrollable sex maniac." She kissed me on the cheek and headed toward the dressing room, carrying the robe in her hand.

"Four weeks," I whispered to myself as she sauntered away.

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* * *

I know you'll all be wondering where you can obtain copies of these photos... i'd be a wealthy woman if it was real.

Al Gore is my ultimate buzzkill. Something about his voice…

The last photo shoot scene was inspired by the hottest little BxE one shot ever written – **_Art Model_ by dollegirl**. Go read it!

Leave me a review – they're nowhere near as good as photos of E's junk, but fun nonetheless!


	10. A boring afternoon

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

just a little fluff....

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*** EPOV ***

Emmett, Jasper and I took the Jeep to be repainted that Friday. He'd driven it around a couple of times, and actually enjoyed the honks and stares. His initial reaction had been priceless, but the prank certainly didn't have the desired effect: toning down his constant smut mouth. Rosalie's refresher course in manners had lasted a couple of days, but by Wednesday of that week he was back to full speed with his old tricks.

The only difference was that he was more cautious in Bella's presence, which I was grateful for. He was determined, however, to make sure I planned to 'treat her right.' He took the drive to P.A. as an opportunity to have yet another of his sensitive and heartfelt conversations with me about the wonders of marital relations. Most of these one-sided convesations included lengthy oratory on his bedroom skills, and jibes at my inexperience. As long as Bella didn't have to hear it, and he didn't pry into the status of our intimacy, he was actually pretty entertaining.

"I tapped a few when I was human, but oh man, the first time Rose and I had sex, I thought my dick was gonna explode. Seriously. Like a fucking grenade. It scared the shit out of me. I was no virgin, and I knew how to clean my rifle, but nothing could have prepared me. It was insane. It was horrible, but insane. I mean, I knew about her _history_, and I was a freaking newborn, and I totally fucked up my game, trying not to hurt her, and fumbling around, and she's just so fucking gorgeous. An angel. It was a complete and utter cluster. But I swear to god, there was nothing like it. In. Fucking. Credible. If I'd been able, I would have been crying like a little girl in her arms after that first time. We laughed about it afterwards, but that was it. I was hers, without question. Even after all these years, she still makes me feel like that. I hate to admit it, but she totally owns me. Sometimes I could nut just looking at her."

Even with his crudeness, I had to smile at the sentiment, and his honesty.

Jasper sat in the back seat without commenting, thinking of the emotions he and Alice felt when they found each other, and how long it had taken them to consummate their love.

I knew they had a very satisfying relationship, and was grateful that he didn't try to impress me with the details. This was the fundamental difference between Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice.

Individually, they were a daredevil, a siren, a samurai, and a sibyl. Matched as they were, they became like elemental pairs: Fire and water, earth and air. Emmett and Rosalie both had such a powerful physical presence; you couldn't help but notice them when they entered a room. They were a lightning storm, a freestyle wrestling match, an Argentinean tango. Alice and Jasper were entirely different. No less completely devoted and in love, but just _different_. They were inextricably conjoined, moons to the other's planet, bound by a cosmic gravitational pull. Harmoniously aligned. I wondered how they saw Bella and me.

"Seriously, you gotta realize this. The first time you spunk inside Bella, you're going to think you're dying all over again. I can't believe you've lasted this long anyway, but dude, I almost wish I could be there to see it, just so I could say I told you so. You shoulda hit Tanya the last time she offered, and gotten this virgin shit out of the way. I almost feel sorry for Bella. You won't last 3 strokes. That's gonna be a piss poor memory for her to have for the rest of her life, you blowing your load before she even gets going. Nice."

"Emmett, that's about enough. Give me some credit here. I'm not going to provide you with a rundown on our love life, but really, we'll be fine. It's not like I've been living in a cave. I've heard plenty, I know what I'm doing."

He roared with laughter, pounding his fist on the steering wheel. "Oh, that is classic Edward, right there. Classic motherfucking Edward. 'Mr. I'm The Shit.' Jasper, are you listening to this? He thinks he can sex Bella like a pro right off the bat 'cause he's heard all our dirty thoughts. Can you believe this?"

Jasper laughed quietly, thinking _he's right, Edward, up to a point_. "I hear it, Emmett, but you know that if anyone can pull it off, it'll be him. Kinda like betting against Alice, I've learned to never underestimate our brother."

"Thanks, Jasper. I appreciate the resounding vote of confidence. Not that I really give a crap what you idiots think. Just please don't let Bella know you'll be pestering Alice for the play-by-play while we're away."

"Dude. Would we do that?"

I tapped my temple with my index finger. "You need to work on keeping me out, Emmett."

"Just tell me one thing. Have you given her head yet?"

Jasper was chuckling, thinking he wished he had Emmett's balls. I was tempted to rip them off and hand them to him.

"Come on, have a little class."

"It's just so fun to watch you squirm! Don't be a douche, Edward. I'm just giving you shit."

I just laughed and shook my head. "I liked this family so much better when I was an only child."

"Piss off, bitch. You know you'd be bored to tears without me around. Now fix my fucking Jeep before I have to fuck up the Vanquish."

We pulled into the parking lot at the body shop, and found Joe hiding behind the cash register.

"Emmett, I swear to god they made me do it." Joe winced as he spoke.

"It's all good. I'll have E's ass for this, eventually. Put it back the way it was, and you and I'll be cool."

"Hey, thanks. I told these guys you'd flatten me, so I guess I should go buy a lottery ticket?"

"Yeah, maybe so. Oh, and, uh, leave the hood ornament, and the shift knob." Emmett tried to whisper the last part, but Jasper and I heard him anyway.

"So, hot springs?" Jasper asked, his thoughts wagering who would get there first.

We made our way to the outskirts of Port Angeles as quickly as we could without attracting any attention, and ran through the woods with Emmett hot on our heels.

_You know he means, well, right?_ Jasper thought as we ran.

"Yes, of course. I have to remind myself it's just how he is."

_I know you and Bella have been, um, working on things. _ I stared at him, as if to say 'not you too?' He smiled.

_Alice and I, we're really glad for you two. It's been nice to see the change in you, since we all came back here. Well, especially after the battle, really. Alice has said this was inevitable, but it's been nice to see it finally happen._

"Me too, Jasper. She makes me feel very lucky. Once I acknowledged that there was more there than bloodlust, it was like trying to avoid a sunrise. It was there, and whether I looked at it or not, it was going to happen, and there was nothing to prevent it. But I was still so focused on keeping her safe that I was never able to let my guard down, never allowed her space to breathe, never stood back and just let us 'be.' I still can't believe I ever left her."

His smile faded, remembering too vividly his actions at her birthday party, and their devastating consequence. I wished I hadn't brought it up. I hurried to continue before his mood darkened completely.

"So then, Italy. I thought the Volturi had gotten to me so quickly that I hadn't even felt it, and that I'd died and she was in my arms again. But we weren't dead, and we had a second chance. Every day that goes by I'm more and more astounded that she still chooses me, and our world. I'm still hopeful I can convince her to wait to be changed, but the wedding, and everything that goes with it, I never imagined this would work, that I could have this with her. She's this fragile, intelligent, head strong, fierce, sensitive human, and she makes me feel like a hopeful kid again, instead of a world weary, jaded old man. I'd do anything for her."

He smiled broadly. _That's love. It's scary as hell, and exhilarating, and perfect, and when you're apart it's like missing half of yourself. And the physical stuff – well – that's another thing altogether. You know, of all of us, I probably have the most experience in that arena, before Alice. Emmett's a crude ass, but he's completely right. There is nothing, no way to describe to you the power of that act with someone you love. It's an amazing new layer to add to your relationship. I'm glad to see you making the effort to do this right. It makes me really happy to see that you've figured it out – how to let your guard down, how to quit struggling over what you both want. I mean, I know it's dangerous, but really, we never doubted for a minute that if anyone could make this work it would be you. You just had to believe it for yourself. She's good for you._

Emmett roared past us, laughing as he ran. "You little girls about done with your warm and fuzzy chit chat?"

Just as we got to the springs, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Bella.

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*** BPOV ***

I woke up Friday morning alone. I hated waking up alone, especially as we got closer and closer to the wedding. Our practice sessions had erased any doubts he had about us having a successful physical relationship. Knowing that it was just a matter of time ate away at me constantly. I craved his touch, and we'd both had difficulty on a couple of occasions remembering why we'd drawn the 'wedding line.'

Edward was still spending nights with me, but we'd decided the arrangement was really pushing our luck with Charlie. We reserved any 'practice' sessions for when he was away, or for when we were at Edward's house. It seemed ridiculous, since we were getting married in just a few weeks, and after all we'd been through together, to still be worried about getting caught by my father.

But Edward was still Edward, and he felt terrible disrespecting Charlie's home. So we would lay together, talking and cuddling until I fell asleep, or kissing and desperately trying to behave ourselves until he was compelled to move to the rocking chair for the night. He'd been spending more nights in the rocker lately and sometimes, when things got particularly heated, he'd just go home and let me rest. Invariably, those were the nights I'd wake up frustrated. I seldom went back to sleep without some sort of release.

Edward was spending the day with Jasper and Emmett, going to P.A. with the Jeep, and then who knows what else afterwards. Charlie was at work, as usual. I stumbled out of bed and knocked Pink onto the floor when I stood up. I picked it up, tossed it onto the bed, and went downstairs to see if Charlie had left me any coffee.

I puttered around the house, cleaning the kitchen, straightening newspapers and clutter in the living room, sorting and folding laundry. By noon, I'd dusted and straightened and fluffed and bored myself stiff. I tried to read for a while, but found myself reading the same paragraph over and over again. I sat down at the computer and tried to write Renee an email, but found I had nothing on my mind to write about but Edward and sex. I deleted the email without hitting send. Pink had helped earlier, and I decided that since I had the house to myself, maybe I'd just go relax for a while and take a nap afterward, maybe call Edward.

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*** EPOV ***

B: where r u

E: springs w JxEm

B: miss u

E: be home later

B: u naked yet

E: LOL

Emmett laughed behind me and asked me what was so funny. I ignored him. He splashed me.

B: im naked

E: o really

B: missing u

E: sounds like

B: mmmm

E: what

B: felz soooo good

E: what

B: hand

E: are you serious

B: and Pink

Emmett and Jasper were staring at me, and I realized why. I turned away from them, but the damage was done. "Jazz! She's sexting him!" I had to laugh. _Sexting._

E: killing me

B: nice wy 2 go

E: how can you text and use pink

B: skillz

E: like 2 see them

B: want a pic

E: NO YES

B: send me 1 of u

_Holy hell. _I jumped out of the pool in spite of Emmett's continued laughter. "Rub out a good one, Ed, you need it."

E: brb

I ran up the hill to one of the smaller pools and prayed that Jasper wouldn't let Emmett follow me. I snapped a few pictures before I got a decent one and sent it to her before my better judgment could kick in.

B: mmmm nice hnfl

E: hnfl

B: HAND FULL

E: LOL glad you like all 4 you

B: want

E: wheres my pic

B: cuming

E: LOL seriously

B: LOL on its wy

It was obvious she was sprawled naked on her bed. Pink was lying on her belly, and one hand covered her mound. That was all that was visible. It wasn't horribly explicit, but it was enough, to quote Emmett, to make me 'nut.'

E: G zus

B: u like

E: mine

B: not yet

E: fuck

B: so vulgr

E: you love it

B: so much

E: me 2

B: cum 4 me

E: LOL 2 late

B: me 2

E: call me

B: k

I answered it just as it buzzed. She was breathing hard on the other end of the phone. I laughed. "Round two already, love?"

"Try four. I woke up twice last night to an empty bed."

"Oh, Bella."

"You've created a monster, and you haven't even bitten me yet."

"That's not funny."

"Sex monster, baby, sex monster."

"I know, but still."

"Mmmmmm."

She'd obviously paid careful attention to my lesson on self pleasure. "Bella, this is embarrassing."

"Touch yourself."

I laughed. "I never stopped." Now _there's_ a cute nickname: _Ever Ready Eddy_.

"Does phone sex count as an appetizer?"

"Stop. I'm going to hang up now and go soak a while longer."

"You mean you got up and left?"

"Do you really believe I'd wank in front of them?"

"Oh god Edward, I love this side of you. Did you really just say 'wank'?"

"Like I told you the other day, you're a bad influence."

"Please. See you tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll come by after dinner. Love you." Somehow, 'love' never seemed like the right word.

"Love you, too."

I shut my phone, laughing, and slowly made my way back down the hill, hearing Emmett still laughing about sexting, and Jasper pleading with him.

"You're pushing your luck, Emmett. You have to see that – there's a point where this isn't going to be funny anymore, and you're rapidly approaching it. Just, God, Emmett, do you always have to be such an ass? This isn't some punk kid you're toying with, this is your brother. Have a little respect for his feelings."

"Aw come on, give me a break. This is just who I am! You guys know that!"

"Yeah, and this is how _he_ is, too. He's getting _married_, Emmett, to a _human_. Don't you think he's got enough on his mind without having to listen to your crude shit about his future wife?"

"Yeah yeah, alright. But I swear to god, Jasper, after the wedding..."

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hee hee!

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I have been nominated for an Eddie! SIMPLE has been graciously put forward for a Mid-Length Fiction Eddie Award, and I am beyond flattered. Not all nominees will make it to the final ballot, but I am honored that readers enjoy my work enough to put my name in the mix.

Nominations for Eddies and Bellies are open until December 10th. Please support the authors you love by recommending them for the recognition they deserve.

Check out the Bellie Award categories, too… in case you see one that might inspire you to think about a character you love… *cough_Emmett_cough*

The links for Eddies and Bellies can be found here: **thecatt(dot)net/tw/default(dot)aspx**

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give me some loving, and I'll try to rub out the next chapter mid-week....

xoxox!


	11. Hard Day's Night

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

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*** BPOV ***  
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Charlie was downstairs watching a baseball game that didn't interest me, and I'd decided to call it a night. I must have been in the shower when Edward came. It was earlier than I expected him, but I was happy to see him regardless. I found him lying on my bed in just his boxers.

"Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise!" I tried not to stare, but wasn't having much luck. He was stretched out on his back, eyes closed, ankles crossed, hands behind his head.

"I told you I'd be here."

"Yes, but…"

"So, what was the rest of _your _afternoon like?" He turned to face me, smiling mischievously.

I had to laugh, because it dawned on me that laying there in his underwear was apparently part of my payback for texting him earlier. "Oh, it was pretty boring. Yours?"

He laughed, running his hands through his hair. "I had a hard day."

"I bet you did." I took the towel off my hair, hung it on the doorknob, and started to brush out the knots.

"Can I help you with that? Your hair?"

"Sure, if you really want."

"I really want." He sat up, crossed his legs, and patted the mattress in front of him. I sat down on the edge of the bed and handed him my brush. He put the brush on the top of my head and I ducked away from him.

"Yikes! "

"What?" Did I hurt you?"

"You've never brushed a someone's hair before, have you?"

"Well actually, Bella, I've dated so many women before, and greeted them straight out of the shower, that I consider myself an expert on brushing wet hair."

"I guess all of your conquests must have had very _short_ hair. Start at the bottom."

"Start at the bottom?"

"If you start at the top, you'll just get the brush stuck in a giant snarl. Start at the bottom, and work your way up."

"Show me."

"Like this." I pulled my hair around so I could see it, and held it together in my fist. I tugged the wide-toothed brush through the bottom few inches until it was tangle-free, and then moved a few inches higher and repeated the process. "When It's dry you can start at the top, but not when it's wet. It sticks together when it's wet." He pulled my hair towards him and reached for the brush again. He started at the bottom, just as I had, holding his hand between my neck and my hair, following the brush so that it didn't scratch me with each stroke.

"See, you're already on your way to expert status."

"I'm a fast learner." His voice was barely a whisper.

"I love to have my hair brushed. Alice is the only one who ever fiddles with it besides me."

"Then I'm glad you're teaching me how." He placed a small kiss on my shoulder as he continued, nudging the strap of my tank top with his nose. I let my head fall back as I leaned into his kiss. He dropped the brush and turned me to face him. "I love your lips." He brought his hands to my neck, tracing my jaw with his thumbs, our tongue tips sneaking out to taste each other. It made us both smile as we kissed.

"Charlie's coming," he said. My head snapped up. Simultaneously I heard my closet door click closed, and a knock on my bedroom door.

"Come on in, I'm decent." I stayed on the bed, and continued to brush my hair where Edward left off.

"You okay? Your face is beet red."

"Uh, hot shower." I looked down at my lap and pretended to pick a fuzz ball off my pajama pants, willing my blush to fade.

"Oh. Well, I just wanted to say good night."

"'Night, Dad." He hesitated a moment, and then turned and closed the door. A few seconds later I heard him close the bathroom door. Edward stepped out of my closet, but just leaned against the door jamb with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the floor.

"What…?"

He held up his index finger as he continued to stare at the floor, and then returned to the closet when we heard the bathroom door open. Charlie knocked on my door again.

"Yeah, Dad?" He opened the door, but only poked his head around the edge of the door.

"I just wanted to tell you I love you, I know I don't say it enough. With the wedding, and you moving away, I just wanted to make sure you knew."

"I love you too, Dad."

"You know I haven't always liked him, _Edward_, but I can see that he makes you happy. So, I'm okay with it. With you, and him."

"Thanks, Dad. That means a lot." I didn't want to get too mushy. I knew it would only make him more uncomfortable. It really meant a lot to me that he'd accepted Edward, and given up on someday having Jacob as a son-in-law.

"Okay, well, goodnight."

"Love you, Dad."

"Me too, Bells." He closed the door softly, walked down the hall, and closed his own bedroom door behind him.

The bed jiggled, and Edward was with me again, reaching for the brush. I handed it to him as he kissed my neck. He continued with my hair.

"He thinks about you constantly, and about whether he's done right by you as a father. He loves you very much."

"He's a good dad. I wish I could have had a 'whole' family, but all in all, I think we all did the best we could."

"He feels the same. He used to worry more about whether I'm good enough for you, and if we'll end up like him and Renee, and if I'll ever leave you again."

I turned to look at him, to see what was in his eyes at that moment. All I saw was love. "I wish he wouldn't. I wish he could see you the way I do. Well, maybe not _exactly_ the way I do." I rubbed the inside of his bare thigh with my hand. It was amazing to see the effect I could have on him with the simplest touch. He closed his eyes briefly and, after a moment, shook his head as if to clear away an errant thought.

"He doesn't worry about that any more. He meant what he said about being okay with us." He kissed my shoulder again, finishing my hair with long smooth strokes from root to end. He uncrossed his legs and wrapped them around my hips, crossing them in front of me. He placed the brush on my nightstand, and wrapped his arms around me, too, pulling me back against his chest.

"I wonder what changed his mind." I ran my hands up and down his legs, from his thighs to his feet, resting my hands on his ankles. Even his feet were beautiful.

"I did." He kissed my neck.

"What do you mean?"

"I went down to the station to see him last week, and had a long talk."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now. I wanted to give him time to tell you himself."

"What did you talk about?" I leaned my head back onto his shoulder.

"Well, some of it was normal father to son-in-law stuff. 'You ever hurt my daughter again and I'll hunt you down like a dog, I know places to hide bodies that would never be found'…"

"No! He didn't!" I sat there with my mouth hanging open.

"Well, yes, he did, but I expected it. I told him that I would never again do anything to hurt you, and that I know I'd made some mistakes in the past, but that was the past. I told him the only thing that was important to me was making you happy, and giving you the best life you could possibly have, that I would stay with you forever, and that nothing could change that but you, yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted him to know that if you ever stopped loving me, that I'd let you go. Just like he did with Renee. I wanted him to know that I would never try to make you stay with me if you didn't want to, that all I wanted was for you to be happy, even if that included a life without me."

"But I would never want that! Why would you tell him that?"

"I know that will never happen, love. But he knows what it was like to let Renee go, and I needed him to understand that I love you at least as much as he loved her, that I could do the same thing if it meant your happiness. I told him that's what happened when I left, that I'd made a mistake about what would make you happiest, and that I'd handled it wrong. I wanted him to know I'd never make the same mistake again. He seemed to understand that. He actually hugged me when I left."

"You're a good man, Edward Cullen." I twisted around to kiss his cheek.

"You're a good woman, _Mrs._ Edward Cullen." He met my lips with his own.

"Not yet, I'm not." I turned my body to face him fully, pressing him down to the bed.

"Oh, you're definitely very good." His lips never left mine as he whispered. His hand caressed the small of my back, pulling me closer still.

"But I'm not your missus yet." I opened my mouth to his, deepening our kiss.

"But for a few technicalities..." I shifted my body so that I was straddling his hips.

"Technicalities?" I slowly lowered my body down onto his, staring at his eyes as they began to glaze over, his lids heavy.

He moaned softly, he neck arching back against my pillow. He grinned mischievously and curled his hips up into mine, lifting me up several inches and pushing me forward. "Yes, technicalities. You know, big white dress, minister, some recitation of words or something, a fancy vacation… oh god, Bella, that feels good."

"Yeah." I was gently rocking forward and back over him, my hands on his chest, watching the play of emotions on his beautiful face.

"I can feel you, Bella – the shape of you, your warmth," he whispered.

I was desperate to feel him inside me, and closed my eyes to picture it as I moved against him. I heard him release a long sigh, and I realized the futility of the situation. I knew it wasn't going to happen, that I was just torturing myself. "Edward..."

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*** EPOV ***

"I know, love. Just think how wonderful our honeymoon will be when the wait is over." I lifted her off my lap and tucked her up against my side. "Try to sleep."

Her hands roamed over my chest and stomach, exploring every muscle and valley, running her fingers through my sparse chest hair. I held her close and enjoyed the sensation of her warm hand on my cool skin and the loving way she touched me. It felt like she was memorizing my body, cataloging every inch of skin, analyzing asymmetry where she found it, and openly admiring everything else. She turned her head and kissed my chest as she played with one of my nipples. She lifted up enough to look at me while her hand caressed my neck and face.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too. Sleep." I pulled the blanket out from under us and wrapped her in it. We both lamented the loss of contact. I held her in my arms and hummed until she fell asleep.

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*** BPOV ***

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We were in my bed, naked. I convinced him that the line was meaningless, that what mattered in that moment was being together, and finally expressing our love with our bodies, with no barriers between us, no limit to the ways we could touch each other. I was stroking him, licking him, sucking him, listening to him moan and sigh as his body tensed and shivered in response to my hands and mouth. I straddled his legs, and kissed my way up his chest and neck. With his hands on my hips, he guided me home. The sensation of finally joining our bodies together was overwhelming, foreign, and yet familiar in the most profound way. I was in control of the moment, my body setting our pace. He gave himself to me, holding nothing back. Our words were hushed, secret. The whole world was only our bodies; legs, mouths, hands, sounds, motion. There was a building tension within me, an ache, a need on the brink of being satisfied. His movements changed ever so slightly, and I heard myself moaning as if from a distance, felt my body tighten and curl inward, and then expand. I was floating, and falling, my muscles contracting and releasing in waves from my chest to my toes. My thoughts lingered on that moment and I relived it again, and again.

The sensations finally jolted me awake. I was alone in my bed, sweating. My bed sheets were twisted around my legs, my blanket and pillows pushed to the floor. I was panting, reeling from the dream, still feeling the spasms in my core. I had difficulty focusing my eyes "Edward?"

"I'm here, love." He was in the far corner of the room, seated in my rocker with his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands.

"Are you alright? What are you doing over there?" I ran a hand over my face to try and clear my head.

"I had to leave the bed, Bella. You're a very kinetic lover when you're dreaming."

"Oh, god, I had no idea. I'm so sorry – "

"Don't be, it was a thing of beauty, to see you like that."

"God, that was intense." My heart was still pounding in my ears.

"I had a hard time believing you were asleep. I've never seen you dream quite like that."

"I don't think I've ever had a dream that felt so _real_." I patted the bed next to me and held out my hand.

"I think I should go, love, for my own sanity as much as yours."

"Oh. Okay. I understand."

"Don't be sad." He crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed with his pants in his hand. I leaned my face on his back, his cool skin soothing my hot face. "Get some sleep and I'll see you in a few hours."

He finished dressing, kissed me sweetly and left me on my bed alone, my heart still pounding from the dream.

_Three weeks._

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Oooh! 3 weeks to go, and 2 weeks to the moratorium.... and then the wedding!

gimme some loving.... R 'n R's are better than "big O" dreams of E. Wait - no, that's a lie.


	12. Bella vs The Universe

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

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*** BPOV ***

The rain had mostly stopped, but it was still misty and the roads were wet. "I always forget what you have lived through – the things that have happened in the world." We'd been talking for over an hour about politics and current events. I loved listening to him talk about the things he'd lived through; he had a unique perspective on why the world is the way it is, having lived through over 4 generations worth of history, with perfect recall for all of it.

He sighed and relaxed into his seat, his hands light on the steering wheel, tapping the wipers occasionally. "Everything from the Titanic, to the great depression, Pearl Harbor and VE Day, Queen Elizabeth's coronation, Yuri Gagarin, the Tet offensive, Woodstock, Nixon in China, the Berlin Wall crumbling..." Edward spoke quietly, slowly, as if remembering each of the events he spoke of.

"I was a baby when that happened. The Berlin Wall. That was the year my folks split up."

"It was a very powerful time."

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"What's that look for?"

"Hunh? Oh – sorry. I was kind of daydreaming for a minute there, I guess." I rubbed my fists over my eyelids, trying to get rid of the distracting visual, before my blush betrayed me. _Too late._

"I know that look."

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Yes you do, and I know what you were thinking about."

"No, I don't, and you can't read my mind so you really have no idea what you're talking about."

"True, I can't read your mind, but I have certainly learned to read everything else. Your heartbeat, your blush, the way your hands tremble like that, the dilation of your pupils, the fact that you're suddenly sweating. You just licked your lips. And the scent…"

"Stop. You don't know anything." I fought the smile that threatened to reveal that he read me _perfectly._

He took one hand from the steering wheel and placed it on my knee, squeezing gently, and slowly moving higher up my thigh.

"What were you thinking about, Bella?" His voice was warm honey and black satin.

"Watch the road," I barked. He flashed that new smile, the mischievous one, the 'I know you want me' smile. Not the usual sarcastic, lopsided grin everyone knew, but the one he saved for me. "Stop it. If you think you know, then why do you need to ask?"

"Because I like to hear it. I like to hear what makes you lose your train of thought in the middle of an otherwise completely benign conversation and get lost in your own arousal. What were you thinking about?"

I took a long breath, knowing he'd worm it out of me sooner or later. "Well, we were talking about the Berlin Wall falling, that was in, what, 1989?"

"Yes." He was palming my thigh, high up between my legs. It was a struggle not to wiggle lower into the seat against his hand.

"Yeah. Well, I was just thinking about you living through the eighties, and then tried to picture you going through a grunge phase wearing flannel and dirty jeans in a mosh pit or something, and then I got stuck on trying to picture you _really_ dancing, and eventually you… were the star of my own private Chippendales review. There, are you happy?"

"You went from the Berlin Wall, to me in a g-string and bow tie, in a two minute daydream?" His laughter filled the car.

I cringed at how asinine that sounded. "Yeah, I guess so."

He continued chuckling to himself, shaking his head. "I'm flattered, but I think Emmett's physique is better suited to that particular profession. Not that I care to think of you fantasizing about lap dances from my brother." He laughed even louder when I shuddered at the thought.

He pulled off the main highway at the entrance to Deception Pass State Park. I could smell the surf as soon as he opened his door. There were only a handful of other cars in the parking lot, but no people to be seen. We left our picnic basket in the car and walked down to the pebbly beach. The tide was low, and the beach was littered with shells. We walked hand in hand, kicking rocks, climbing on weathered logs, picking up a few shells and bits of beach glass, until my stomach rumbled.

"Time for lunch!" I smiled and nodded as we turned around and headed back to the car.

Edward retrieved our basket and a couple of blankets and we walked a short way to a clearing on high point of land above the beach. There were a few picnic tables, with a gorgeous view of the pass bridge in one direction and the coastline stretching southwards in another, and we had the entire place to ourselves. There were low clouds, and it was still misting off an on, but the rain seemed to have stopped for the most part. Edward laid out one of the blankets over the picnic bench for me to sit on, and started setting out my little feast. Esme sent a couple of different cheeses, apple wedges, a sliced baguette, grapes and strawberries, summer sausage, and bottled sparkling water. It was a lovely gesture, and it felt very European, even though everything laid our before me was all quite common. It made me smile knowing that even in the simplest things, his mother made an enormous effort to make everything _just right_. I nibbled on the grapes and spread some of the brie on a baguette round.

"I love watching you eat. It's very erotic, watching you put food on your mouth, watching your tongue cradle a morsel as your lips close, the flutter of your eyelids when you taste something especially good."

I was blushing furiously at his description. I imagined other things I could do with my lips and tongue. "Can you see why I'd love to watch you hunt?"

"Maybe I'll let Jasper film me… It's an interesting thought; I've never seen _myself_ hunt." My pulse was instantly pounding in my ears at the thought of seeing him like that; hungry, powerful, acting on pure instinct, completely dominating the object of his desire. Erotic, indeed.

"Do you miss food?"

"Ice cream. I miss ice cream cones."

"When did you have ice cream?"

"The first time was when I was very small, couldn't have been more than 3 years old. We took a train trip to St. Louis for the world's fair. It was the latest thing – ice cream cones. I remember loving it, and my father laughing at the mess I made."

"I bet you were a fat faced, spoiled little trouble maker."

"Fat faced, maybe, but I was never a trouble maker. I'll have you know I was a model son."

"Easy to say, with no one to contradict you."

He smiled widely. "I guess you'll just have to take my word for it."

"I'll have to ask Carlisle what you were like as a teenager."

"Well, his view will be skewed a bit by that whole newborn vampire thing. He didn't know me before I fell ill, so he really doesn't know what I was like then. I guess I haven't really changed much, though. We generally don't, after we're turned. I imagine I've become more reserved. A bit of a stoic, I guess, until I met you." He kissed my forehead and smiled at me. "From stoic to Chippendales…"

"Oh, don't bring that up again. It was embarrassing enough the first time."

"I like your embarrassing daydreams. I think of them as fodder for future exploits." He looked at me suggestively, with a tiny waggle of his eyebrows, followed by a very impressive hip movement.

I stifled a giggle at him, shaking his boo-tay. "Exploits?" I asked. I liked this game, and decided to play along.

"Sure. A healthy fantasy life is a good thing for any relationship. I'd hate for you to get bored with me. We'll be married for a very, very, very long time."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I guess I might get bored if I don't have something to think about while I stare at the ceiling.

"I certainly hope you _never_ find yourself merely staring at the ceiling, love."

"Yes, I hope so too, but even though it might take a while, don't you think I'll get to the point some day where I've seen all your tricks?" I tried to sound blasé' but wasn't sure if I pulled it off.

"You've wounded my pride even suggesting it."

"I think your pride will survive." I popped a grape in my mouth and rolled it around on my tongue for a minute before chewing. He stared at my lips.

"Do you really think you'll get bored with me someday? All the things we've been practicing, all the things still ahead, that you'll get tired of it?" There was nothing on the planet farther from the truth.

"I don't really know." I picked up the largest strawberry and touched the tip of my tongue to the tip of the berry, and suggestively wrapped my lips around its width. I closed my eyes and slowly bit down, allowing the loose seal of my lips to let a trickle of the pink juice slip from the corner of my mouth. I intended to lick the juice off, but he reached out and wiped it up with his thumb. I opened my mouth quickly and enveloped his thumb, swirling my tongue around it and sucking longer than was necessary to remove the sticky juice. His eyes closed briefly, a faint moan rumbling low in his throat.

"I know what you're trying to do," he whispered before removing his thumb from my mouth and replacing it with his tongue. He kissed me passionately, relentlessly, barely allowing me to draw breath. I sucked on his tongue, massaging it with mine, lightly dragging my teeth along it, moaning as he withdrew. "I know what you're playing at."

"You think so?"

"I know so." His eyes burned into mine.

He held up another berry, and dragged the tip across my lower lip. When I opened my mouth to take a bite, he pulled it back, just out of my reach. I leaned closer, my mouth open, the tip of my tongue reaching for the berry. He lifted it higher so that I had to crane my neck to reach it. When he finally let me bite into it, he groaned, which made me smile.

"I know what you want." He trailed one cool hand down my arm to my wrist. He lifted my hand and brought it to his groin, placing it over his growing erection. He flattened his hand over the back of mine. "You want this," he said, slowly grinding upwards against our hands, "in here." He touched the half eaten berry to my lips, and allowed me another bite.

"You're right, but that's not the only place I want it."

He rested his forehead on mine, licking his lips, swallowing hard. "Bella…"

I smiled, loving how easy it was to push his buttons. "I will _never_ get bored with you." I rubbed my hand softly up and down his length.

"God, Bella, that feels so fucking good."

His coarse language always sent my pulse into overdrive. "Let me make if feel even better."

"I can't, Bella. I don't know - "

"Please? I want this. I want to do this." I continued to move my hand, still under his. I felt him twitch. His eyes closed and his head lolled to the side as he allowed his hips to rock ever so slightly.

"Do you know how strong I am, Bella?" He whispered into my ear, rubbing his check against mine in time with the faint movement of his hips. "I could throw you across this field with less effort than you would use to throw a ball." His voice dropped even quieter. "With one careless thrust into your beautiful mouth I could accidentally break your neck."

"I trust you," I said, kissing him tenderly. I increased the pressure of my touch, curling my fingers around the shape of him beneath his jeans. "We've had our hands all over each other and you've _never_ hurt me. Why is this any different?"

He closed his eyes again as he focused on my hand, that soft moan returning. "If I tell you to stop, you have to stop. If I tell you to move away, you have to move away. Alright?"

"Alright." I knew this was a huge concession for him; he'd been fighting this for two weeks. I didn't want to seem overexcited and give him the impression that I was taking this lightly. I knew he was genuinely concerned about getting carried away and hurting me in the heat of the moment, but I was confident that he was simply, yet again, underestimating his control. I kissed him while my hand drifted to the waistband of his jeans. I began fiddling with the top button when he pulled back, his hand harsh on my wrist.

"Son of a…" he hissed. "Park Ranger."

I laughed, knowing there was little else to do. "Score another one for the universe." I stood and began packing leftovers back into the picnic basket just in time to see the ranger cresting the hill behind us. Edward remained seated, facing the water, no doubt trying to compose himself.

"Good afternoon there!"

"Hi," Edward responded, standing to face the ranger. I smiled at him and said hello.

"Don't see too many picnickers on days like this. You folks must be natives." He glanced at Edward, but mainly looked only at me.

"We came up for the day from Forks, near Port Angeles."

"Ahh, that must be your Volvo down in the lot."

"Yes sir, is there a problem?"

"No, son, no problem. Just making the rounds and seeing who's out and about."

"I see." Edward's jaw muscles were flexing, as if he were trying not to clench.

"Did you have a nice picnic?"

"Yes." Edward's voice was flat; not angry, but certainly not happy.

"Okay. Well, I'll let you be on about your business. Enjoy your day and have a safe drive home."

"Thank you, sir. You, as well."

"Bye," I added, hoping we hadn't offended him.

Edward picked up the blankets, shook them out and began folding them as we watched the ranger walk away.

"What was that all about? You were a little less than cordial, don't you think?"

"His thoughts were a little less than cordial. I responded in kind."

"What are you talking about?"

"He doesn't have a very high opinion of Volvo drivers, and as soon as I said we'd come up from Forks, he realized it was mine. He had some particularly unattractive thoughts about you deserving a 'real man.'

"I told you we should have driven the Vanquish today."

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*** EPOV ***

We packed up the car as the rain started to fall again. By the time we got back onto the main road it was pouring. I knew she was unhappy about the park ranger's interruption, but I was actually a little grateful for it. I really didn't want to pursue a new level of intimacy in a public place, in broad daylight. I couldn't imagine a more degrading scenario than if the ranger had stumbled onto us five minutes later. The last thing either of us needed was a citation for lewd acts or public indecency. I imagine Charlie, Carlisle and Dartmouth might all have been a little disappointed in us.

We made it to the Port Townsend Ferry in no time at all. The crossing only took about 40 minutes. We had time to get out of the car and walk around on the deck for a few minutes, but that was about all. Once we drove off the ferry and were back on the road, she was asleep within minutes. I drove home barely able to take my eyes off her.

She woke up when I opened her door, but rather than let her walk, I carried her up to my room so she could continue her nap. I peeled off her cardigan and shoes and covered her with a blanket. She protested when I turned to leave.

"I'll be back in a minute love. I want to bring our things in from the car."

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*** BPOV ***

When Edward came back to his room, I was planning to finish what I'd started earlier. We'd been driving each other insane for weeks, and we never seemed to do much besides get each other worked up, only to be interrupted. We spent a lot of time together, but there were always others around. We rarely seemed to have the alone time to really enjoy exploring each other, without worrying about someone interfering or overhearing us. I imagined that was the purpose of a honeymoon, to enjoy each other without outside influences or restrictions, but part of the idea behind our 'wedding line' was to make sure that when it came down to it, we weren't spending half our vacation just trying to touch each other, let alone consummate our marriage. We wanted to push our boundaries _now_, so that there weren't many left by the time we got married.

We'd decided to save 'the main course' for our honeymoon, but anything else was fair game. Ever since the first time he'd let me touch him, since the first time I'd seen him naked, really, I'd wanted to do this. It was not something I'd ever remotely wanted to do before, and, in all honesty, had never seen the appeal when girls talked about it. Seeing him naked for the first time flipped a switch inside me that I never knew existed. I wanted to touch him, kiss him, adore him, worship him. I wanted to wrap myself around him and never let go, and I wanted him to do the same. Looking at him clothed got me going; looking at him naked made my mouth water.

I was so proud of him; he'd come so far since we'd first met. He'd somehow found a way to quell his blood thirst, but acknowledge the lust for me that was tied to it. I'd probably never truly understand the enormity of that feat until I was turned, but I was certain it set him even farther apart from all others of his kind.

I stripped down to my bra and panties while he was downstairs, and waited for him with the blankets tucked high up under my chin, just as he'd left me. I wondered if he'd realize the house was conspicuously empty for a Saturday afternoon, and hoped he wouldn't. Alice had helped me do a little online research for this particular project, and offered to choreograph an overnight trip to Seattle for everyone but Edward and myself. I was pretty sure he knew everyone was disappearing for our benefit, but I wasn't sure if he'd figured out my exact motive. By now, it hardly mattered.

When he finally slipped into the bed behind me, I was startled to discover he was nude, which he seldom did.

"What's this?" He ran one hand across my lace-clad hip.

"I should ask you the same." I wiggled back against his groin.

"I thought you were asleep when I brought you up here, but then I find, folded neatly on my sofa, the clothes you were wearing when I put you to bed."

"Funny how that happens." He snaked one arm under my neck, and the other was wrapped tight around my waist. I'd become somewhat accustomed to the sensation of sleeping next to such a cold body, but the feeling of his _naked_ cold body pressed against me sent shivers from one end of me to the other, and not just because of the temperature.

"Now, I believe we were having a very interesting conversation before that rude park ranger found us…"

"Were we? Hmmm… let me see if I can remember." I ran one hand along the length of his leg within my reach, and stopped when I reached his eminently biteable rear end.

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*** EPOV ***

She rolled to face me and pushed the covers away, exposing me completely.

"You should never wear clothes, did you know that?. You shouldn't be allowed to cover this. Anything this beautiful shouldn't be hidden."

"But it's only for you, Bella. No one else sees this but you.

She laid her head on my belly, cradling my groin in the crook of her elbow as she kissed my navel.

"Every time I see you it's like Christmas morning. I want to spend our entire honeymoon naked. I could look at you all day long."

I felt the exact same way about her.

She lifted her head from my belly, and propped herself on one elbow, gazing at me. She ran her hand down my leg, and then up the inside of my thigh to my groin. I automatically parted my legs as she moved her hand to cup me, exploring the texture of my skin with her thumb.

"Bella…" My head fell back onto my pillow, and my eyes rolled back into my head. Her hands were so warm, and her gesture so tender, I was moved beyond words.

She lowered her face, and caressed me with her cheek, slowly moving her face from root to tip, planting small soft kisses along my length as she traveled, nudging me with her nose when she reached the top, then burying her face in my hair, inhaling deeply. I took a breath I didn't need, and my senses were filled with the smell of _her_ arousal, like a heady perfume surrounding me. I desperately wanted to touch her. My mouth watered, and I swallowed back the venom that reminded me that caution was still prudent.

She caressed down my length with the back of her hand, petting me almost lazily. I raised myself up on my elbows, fascinated by the amazing creature before me, mesmerized by the way she was touching me. She saw the beads of moisture seeping from my tip and touched it with her lips, her tongue darting out to taste it. Even tough I saw it happen, the intense heat of her breath as she opened her mouth, and the wetness of her tongue, startled me. I groaned her name, and felt my hand ghost over the back of her head, my fingers in her hair. I left my hand there for just a moment, and then thought better of having it there.

She waited until I relaxed a bit more, and then wrapped her fingers around me. When she sensed that it was okay to continue, she moved her fist slightly along my length. I knew what she was about to do, but the reality of it went beyond anything I could have ever prepared for. She opened her mouth and swirled her tongue across my tip, and wrapped her lips around my head, drawing me in. It was the most mind-bogglingly intense sensation, on the most sensitive part of my body, save for my lips. The combination of heat and moisture, paired with the action of her tongue, would have been incredible enough, but knowing that it was Bella, my beloved, fragile Bella, performing this intimate act, left me speechless. She drew me farther into her mouth with the faintest suction, and then withdrew. My hips followed her, my member unwilling to be removed from the heaven of her hot mouth, unwilling to let the sensation end. I cried out her name again when she took me in a second time, taking more of me than on her first pass. My abdominal muscles flexed involuntarily, pushing me further still into her mouth. I gasped at that, and put my hands on her shoulders, a brief warning for her to stop until I was able to master my body again. She continued slowly stroking me while she waited for me to allow her to resume.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh god, Bella, I'm beyond okay. That is the most amazing thing I've ever felt."

"Then relax, lay back, and just enjoy it."

I was unable to resist. She returned her lips to me, lapping, nibbling, kissing, dragging her teeth lightly along my length, and then finally taking me in again. Her tongue flicked as she withdrew, and she began humming as she took me in. I moaned her name over and over again, and was aware I was making other sounds that were unintelligible even to me. She laughed when I twitched in her mouth, the result of her teeth grazing my tip. She used both hands to drive me over the edge, one encircling the base of my shaft in conjunction with the movements of her head, the other cradling me, gently massaging in ways I'd never imagined she knew to try. I fought my release as I felt it build, wanting to draw out the exquisite torture, and was then appalled at myself for forcing her to continue beyond what was probably comfortable. I placed one hand on her shoulder, hoping to let her know that she could stop whenever she wanted, but clearly we had different ideas about 'done.' My hand on her shoulder only encouraged her to increase the intensity of her focus, and I was nearing the limit of my restraint. I was afraid if she continued, I'd reach a point where the urge to thrust overwhelmed me.

"Bella, god, Bella… don't have to… so close…"

She hummed around me and it took every ounce of my remaining strength to resist pushing into her mouth as the shock waves of my climax rippled through my body. I heard myself moaning, deep animalistic growls pushing her name across my lips, followed by ecstatic purring I didn't know I was capable of. It made me laugh, and then I had to make her stop; my body had become painfully ticklish as she continued to softly suck and lick.

She kissed my hip, and rested her head back on my belly. I lay there, dazed, for I don't know how long. When I came to my senses, I rolled her over onto her back and kissed her, smelling and tasting myself on her lips. She smiled against my kiss, and all I could do was smile back. I would certainly never get bored with _her_; of that I was certain.

I lay in her arms, quietly enjoying the moment, when it dawned on me that this was not quite the experience I'd been expecting.

"Care to tell me where you learned how to do that?"

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* * *

heh... Bella acquired some skills, and poor neglected Eddie finally got a little relief. he told me to tell you all 'thank you,' for practically begging me to ease up on his chronic blue balls. :D

so - where exactly do you think Bella learned those skills? hmmm?

if there are any men out there reading this, I'd love to know if i got it even passably close. you know, for a vamp virgin guy getting his first ever BJ, from his human virgin GF. Cuz, you know, I'm sure there'a a lot of guys out there who could relate to that experience?

there's a shout out to my long suffering twilighted-widower hubs up there - of course no one would know... he's a fan of NPR's CAR TALK... they have said on numerous occasions that Volvo drivers, on the whole, generally NEED all that safety... so don't take the volvo wisecrack personal - it's just a little joke between me and hubs. i actually adore E's little volvo in the movies. and you gotta love a man who don't need to drive a small-dick compensator...

that little green box? it's my *happy button*

go ahead. you know you wanna. mmmm. yeah. just like that.


	13. A Laurel Wreath

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

Please read: there is some funky timeline stuff in this chapter that draws heavily on the last chapter. we switch from a few days earlier, to present day (immediately after the end of the last chapter), then a flashback to several days earlier, then back to present day, then 24 hours earlier, than ending with present day. there are also POV shifts. hope you don't get whiplash.

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**_Previously:_**

_"**Care to tell me where you learned how to do that?" **_

********

~*~ a few days earlier, Bella POV ~*~

"So how much do you want to know, Bella?" Rose stretched out on her bed with her hands clasped behind her head.

"I don't know, I mean, I have no clue what I'm doing, so I guess anything is good. Just don't tell me details about Emmett's _junk_ or anything, 'cause I don't think I can handle that." I tucked my hands into my lap and looked at the wall to my right.

"Oh, honey, you have no idea." I shuddered at the thought of all she might be implying.

"Rose, don't gross her out. This has got to be hard enough for her as it is." I looked at Alice and smiled in gratitude. I also hoped she could tell I wasn't ready to hear about _Jasper's_ junk, either.

"Well, the first thing you have to realize is that even though he's been fighting you on this, he's dying for it to happen." Rose sounded supremely confident with that statement.

"He's told me he _wants_ to let me, but I don't know…"

"He wants it, Bella. Trust me." Alice's voice was quiet, she looked up at me through her lashes, as if she knew something I didn't. That was dumb; of course she knew things I didn't.

"She's right, Bella. There isn't a sexually active man on this planet that doesn't enjoy good head."

"That's the problem, Rosalie; _good_. I have no clue, and I'm afraid that if I screw it up, he'll never let me do it again."

Alice looked at me with the saddest look on her face. "Oh, Bella! Don't think like that! You'd have to practically bite his balls off for him to never let you try again, and I'm pretty sure you won't do that. So let's not worry about him refusing a second try, okay?"

"Ugh! God, this is so embarrassing. I swear if either of you repeat any of this…"

"Hey, this is what older married sisters are for. Okay?" Alice patted my arm and leaned in for a brief hug.

"So, what have you two done so far?"

"Rose! I can't…"

"Bella, I have to know what we've got to work with here. I mean, has he done this to _you_ yet?"

"Oh god, no, I - he's – we almost - no."

"What on earth does that mean?" She was starting to laugh.

"We've talked about it. Wanting to. Talked about wanting to. And one time, we almost did. I mean, _he_ almost did. To me." I rolled my eyes at how juvenile that sounded.

"Bella, honey, calm down. Rose, let me, okay?" Alice knew how easily flustered I was by Rose's directness.

Rose grunted and crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine."

"Just talk about what you and Edward are both comfortable with. Neither of us wants to hear the gory details, but there's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Okay. So... _shit_. I don't know if I can do this after all. Maybe I'm better off on my own just winging it."

"If that's what you want, Bella, that's fine. It's totally up to you."

I took a deep breath and dove in. "Well, obviously he stays with me while I sleep. And you guys were there at the hot springs, so you know we've seen each other naked. And we've, um, had our hands on each other."

"And you've both been able to… climax…" Alice stated, gently. I blushed furiously before I even had a chance to respond. Of course she knew. She and Jasper were in the house when some of that took place.

"So you've actually been able to get each other off? That's outstanding!" Rose was thrilled.

"I just – I don't want to look like an idiot, and I don't want to look like some porn star, either."

"PORN! That's a great idea!" Rose sat up and was actually bouncing on the bed.

I stared at Rose with my mouth hanging open, while Alice slowly smiled and looked back and forth between us. "Actually, Rose, that's a pretty good idea. Have you and Edward ever watched porn together?"

"NO!" My head whipped to Alice, astonished that she would suggest anything so – so – just – NO. I could _never_ imagine Edward watching porn.

"That's not what I meant, Alice, but it's not a bad idea. If you pick the right movie, it can really get things rolling… but what I meant was, maybe Bella should watch some with _us_, you know, to get some ideas."

"I don't know…"

"Come on, Bella, let me load a dvd and we'll just go from there. Okay? I have just the thing…"

I sat with my face in my hands, stunned that I was about to watch _Emmett's_ porn, in _Emmett's_ bed, with his wife and sister. Alice came closer to me, and put her arm around my shoulder. "Trust us. This will help."

"Okay, so this one has lots of oral in it, but let me skip this first part, it's pretty stupid. There. Here we go."

"Gah! Holy – she's kinda - Oh my god, Rose, I don't know – that guy – oh my GOD!"

"Yeah, just ignore that for now. He's not exactly, uh, average. Well, for that matter, neither is – anyway, just pay attention to what the girl is doing, and forget him."

Rosalie's bedroom was filled with fake moaning and slurping sounds, to the point of distraction. "Can you mute it, please? That's – um – gross." Alice giggled at me and looked away while Rose muted the audio.

"See how she uses her hands, and looks up at him?"

"That's not a very flattering angle, with her mouth full."

"Yeah, I agree, but guys apparently dig that shit."

"Yeah, okay. So use my hands, and look at him, and HOLY SHIT – SHE'S…"

"Yeah, she's good. That takes practice. If you've got a sensitive gag reflex, I wouldn't try that for a while, since Edwa…"

Alice interrupted her. "Bella, don't get caught up in the details here. The idea is to enjoy what you're doing, don't be afraid to do something 'wrong,' and just go for it. Is he, uh, vocal at all?"

"I've been trying to get him to talk dirty, but…" This time Alice interrupted _me_.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean, he's not silent or anything – he makes, um, sounds?"

"Yeah – I can tell when he likes what I'm doing, if that's what you mean."

"Good, that's exactly what I mean. That's good. Just listen to him, and do more of what he likes, and if he gets too quiet, move on to something different."

"Here, Bella, this part's really good. Now, watch what she does with his balls - "

"Good god how many people are… oh my GOD that looks like it _hurts!_"

"Don't worry about what the three in front are doing, just watch the girl right _there_ – this one – watch her." She walked over to the screen and pointed out the girl in question.

Alice agreed. "Yeah, she knows what she's doing. Jasper…"

"NO, Alice. What do you mean 'she knows what she's doing'… I mean, it all kinda looks the same… except _that_ – that's just..."

"Don't judge. Besides, you're getting lost in what everyone else is doing. Just watch _her_."

We sat there, watching the dvd for I don't know how long. Eventually I relaxed enough to actually talk about what we were watching, and not be grossed out by all the fluids, fake nails and loose orifices. Rosalie pointed out some things she thought I should try, and Alice made a point of emphasizing that good sex was about making each other feel good, and using all our senses to enjoy each other, and not being afraid or embarrassed. Towards the end of it we were all laughing, making fun of the fake moaning and exaggerated facial expressions. And facials. I'll never be able to hear that word again without gagging.

"I'll tell you what's better than all these bikini-waxed grunting pros, is the amateur stuff. You can find a lot of that online." Alice surprised me with that one.

I stared at her.

"Variety is the spice of life, little sister. Just keep an open mind. That's all I'm saying." She leaned closer and whispered "I'll email you some links." I nodded, and she winked at me.

"So Bella, what are you going to do about your period this month, with all your practicing? Aren't you about to start?" Ever the subtle one, Rosalie. I coughed so hard that Alice had to pat me on the back to make sure I could still breathe..

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~*~ present day, Bella POV ~*~

_"**Care to tell me where you learned how to do that?" **_

Alice warned me he might ask that question. "Do you really want to know?"

"Well, kind of."

"A little online research, and an interesting afternoon watching dvds with your sisters."

"What kind of dvds?"

"Do you really want the answer?"

"Yeah, not really."

"I mean, if you wanted to see, I'm sure Emmett would loan them to us…"

"_EMMETT's_ videos?"

I smiled and stared at him.

Several minutes passed in silence while Edward obviously contemplated the contents of Emmett's personal movie collection. I couldn't help but wonder how much of it he was familiar with.

After a while, we both shifted our positions closer to the head of the bed, rather than the awkward tangle of limbs we'd found ourselves in.

"So, whadya wanna do?"

"I thought I'd head back over to Charlie's and catch up on my laundry…" I sat up and moved as if I was planning to dress and go home.

"Like hell you are, woman. Get back here!" He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. My body crashed against his, and I found myself straddling his chest, looking down at his face through my cleavage. He was beaming, obviously proud of his sudden caveman urge and where it landed me.

"Like the view?" He was staring at my chest, his eyes wide.

"Alice been shopping for you again?" His hands were beginning to roam over my hips and around my waist.

"Nope. This one was all my idea." I ran my fingers through his hair.

"I like."

"Good to know."

"I like what's under it even more…"

….And, cue my stomach growling.

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~*~ twenty-four hours earlier, Emmett POV ~*~

(at home, after the boys' trip to the hot spring)

"So, Bella's been sexting you, _Eddy?_"

Jasper punched me as soon as the words left my mouth, the buzz-killing motherfucker. "I thought we JUST talked about this, not two hours ago, Emmett. I thought you agreed to lay off." Sometimes I hated the bastard; usually when he was right.

"I appreciate the thought Jasper, but _Emmy_ wouldn't be _Emmy_ unless he was being an insufferable prick." Edward plopped down on the couch next to me and flipped me the bird.

"Insufferable prick? How about you're an insufferable prude?" Just to prove it, I hit the 'play' button on the universal remote. I gave it three minutes, max, until he ran away like a little girl. That is, three minutes after the opening credits. Ahh, the sweet sounds of bow chicka bow bow…

"Good god, Emmett, are you serious?" Edward looked at me as if I'd just drained a littler of puppies. Cute, speckled ones.

Jasper laughed and propped his feet up on the coffee table. All he needed was a bowl of popcorn.

"Prude."

I was waiting for a witty retort on par with 'I know you are but what am I?' All Edward was good for today was "You're disgusting."

To my everlasting shock, PrudeWard did not stomp off in a huff, but stayed put, glued to the sixty inch plasma, currently featuring a naked girl who looked an _awful lot_ like Bella, being eaten out by a guy who looked, well, _hungry_. Bow chicka bow bow.

Emmett = 1. Edward = 0.

Like in slow motion, Edward turned to face me, slack jawed, and then back to the screen. Faux-Bella was moaning like a pro, while Not-Edward went down like a fat man at an all you can eat buffet. On Sunday. Without silverware.

Priceless.

And even more priceless? Edward. Continuing to watch. Intently.

And then Not-Edward Number Two entered the equation.

"What the hell…?" Clearly, Eddy doesn't watch much porn.

So we watched Not-Edward Numbers One and Two plug both ends of Faux-Bella. Fortunately, she couldn't moan as much with her mouth full. I hate that fake moaning shit. Most of the time Rose and I run these movies on mute. When we bother to watch them at all, that is.

"Freaky look-alike, huh?"

I barely heard him answer, but he did. "Yeah."

Jasper, being smarter than me, kept his yap shut. I, however, let mine flap.

"So, does Bella keep hers shaved, too?"

Humorless fucker hauled off and bitch-slapped me a good one before running up the stairs, pitching an epic tent. I hadn't laughed so hard in ages, even if the back of my head stung like a motherfucker.

Jasper just sat there and shook his head. "Emmett, you are so fucked. You realize that once he changes her, she'll be stronger than you, right?"

"Shit, Jasper, she'll _thank me_ if he uses any of hungry porn guy's skills on her."

He smirked at me, as if to say 'gee, Emmett, you may have a point there.'

Damn skippy.

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~*~ present day, Edward POV ~*~

I was just about to rid her of that beautiful blue lace bra when her stomach growled.

"Ooh! What did you do with the picnic basket?"

"It's downstairs. I put most of it in the fridge. Want me to go get it?"

"Do you mind a picnic in bed?"

"Get crumbs in my sheets and you'll be in trouble."

"And is punishment supposed to be a _dis_incentive?" She raised her eyebrows, then winked.

I gathered the items from the picnic and brought them to my room on a tray. I hadn't bothered to dress since we were alone in the house.

"Will I get quality room service like this on our honeymoon?"

"Only from me, love."

"Where on earth do you keep your tips?" I nearly dropped the tray on the floor when she flicked her fingertip against the head of my penis, making it bounce. I laughed harder than I probably should have.

"I should have put on my g-string. I'll be better prepared next time, ma'am." I placed the tray on the bedside table and lay back down beside her.

"Yes, make sure you are. I'd hate to have to complain about the service I receive." She was grinning at me, enjoying the game.

"I certainly don't want you to be dissatisfied. Allow me to make it up to you?" I picked up a small cluster of grapes and offered her one.

"Hmm. I'll allow you to try, I suppose. But I do have very high expectations." She took the grape from my fingers, wrapping her lips around it suggestively before eating it.

"I certainly hope I live up to them." I dropped the grapes back onto the tray and kissed her, forgetting about her growling stomach.

"I think you will."

I ran my hands all over her body as we kissed, astounded at her perfection, amazed that she was mine. Every sound she made fueled my fire, every shudder and twitch, every touch reinforced my desire. I trailed kisses down her jaw to her throat, where I lingered, sucking at the pulse point that once tortured me. Her hands raked through my hair and across my shoulders, scratching, pulling, kneading. We were both starved.

I continued my descent, stopping briefly at her breasts, then her navel, and her hips. Her breathing was ragged and short. I stopped before proceeding, taking several long slow breaths, waiting for her respiration to match mine. I moved to lay between her legs, my shoulders even with her hips. She propped herself up on her elbows to look at me, her eyes heavy, her lips parted and wet.

"Edward…"

"Tell me to stop, Bella, and I will."

"I don't want you to stop." I smiled, and kissed her hipbone again.

I scooted lower on the bed and kissed my way across the patch of hair that hid her from my sight. I nuzzled it, drinking in the scent of her arousal, noting how different it was to experience it at the source, not filtered through layers of clothing. Her hips lifted slightly when I lay my cheek against her, and she whispered my name, low and sweet.

My name never sounded better.

I pressed a kiss onto the pulse point just inside her thigh, and swept my nose across the very top of her sex, just above her folds. She jerked her hips upward again, and I had to hold back my laughter. She was just as eager for this as I was. I realized the awkward position I put myself in, and scooted us to the edge of the bed so I could kneel on the floor between her legs. Perfect. She sat up again, propped on her elbows, and watched as I hooked her knees over my shoulders.

"You're so beautiful, Bella." I kissed the inside of her thigh again, and wrapped my arms around her hips to try to isolate her involuntary movements. I was positively giddy that I was here, doing this, with Bella.

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~*~ Bella POV ~*~

It was like being out of my body, like this wasn't really happening to me. I kept waiting for someone to storm into Edward's room, or a phone to ring, or a natural disaster to occur – I was waiting for it. But it never came. He maneuvered me to the edge of the bed, wrapped my legs over his shoulders and his arms around my hips, and kissed me. One sweet, tender, closed-mouth kiss, that just about sent me off the bed like a rocket launch. He laughed a bit, and then I felt his hands gently parting me, opening me to him, exposing me. I felt a wave of embarrassment, wondering if he was just being kind, wondering if he really wanted to do this or was only doing it out of obligation; returning my earlier favor. But the way he kissed me next erased all that.

He was slow, deliberate, and thorough. Nothing in the world felt like this. He used every wicked skill he had with his lips, tongue and fingers to work me into a writhing frenzy. There was nothing timid or hesitant about what he did, he poured everything he had into giving this to me, into making me feel this way. It was the strangest sensation, to be so totally focused on one small locus of flesh, one small area of skin, to the extent that the world literally falls away. I was aware of my own labored breathing, aware of repetitive sounds I was making between breaths, but somehow _not_ aware. Just as I became conscious of something around me; a cramp in my tightly fisted hands, the setting sun streaming through the window, a twitch in my calf muscle, my grasp on my own breasts, Edward would change what he was doing. Either his angle, speed, intensity, location, or direction would shift and I would be yanked back to him and only him. Every time he did this I felt a mini-gasm, like riding a roller coaster. Up and down, sideways and back, climbing and falling, and never sure when the big climb and descent would come. I knew it was coming, I knew it was inevitable, and I knew Edward knew. He was working me, playing me, drawing it out. It was torture and ecstasy. I never wanted it to end, but I knew the end would come, and it would be glorious.

And it was.

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~*~ Edward POV ~*~

She fell deeply asleep shortly after, and I gently lifted her back to the center of the bed. She was beginning to chill, so I covered her, and left her to rest. I showered, not wanting to join her in bed covered as I was in her scent. I wasn't sure if she'd find that appealing, and I didn't want to assume. I hated to wash it away. I wanted to keep this on my hands, and my face, and in my mouth. There was nothing sweeter, except perhaps her kisses. It was like a laurel wreath to me, a fleeting token of my victory, a reward for our hard work, trust and communication. I looked forward to more such rewards. An eternity of rewards.

I finished showering quickly, dried, and returned to her side.

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reviews are like laurel wreaths, and boyfriends who never tire. ~sigh~

btw, no - vamps do not get TMJ. And if they do, they don't complain about it. :D

visit my blog! subtle-pen(dot)blogspot(dot)com also linked from my profile.


	14. Taboo

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

_.  
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so - short chapter, but this was all the further i was willing to go. read the chapter title. this is what you think it is.

~nervous~

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**~*~ previously ~*~**

_"So Bella, what are you going to do about your period this month, with all your practicing? Aren't you about to start?" _

_Ever the subtle one, that Rosalie. I coughed so hard that Alice had to pat me on the back to make sure I could still breathe._

_._

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_**** BPOV ****  
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"What do you mean, Rose? What am I going to 'do?' Do about _what?_" I rubbed my hands over my eyes, hoping to god she wasn't talking about what I thought she was talking about.

"I mean, you and Edward are a lot closer these last few weeks, I'm just wondering if you've thought about trying anything else… new." My eyes bugged, even though we'd spent the last 2 hours watching pornography together.

"Stop it, Rose. You're freaking her out."

"You're turning into as big a prude as Edward used to be, Alice. You and I both know full well…"

"Stop, Rose. _THAT_ is _none_ of our business. If Edward wants to talk to her about it, he will. Now, _Shut it_."

Alice turned to face me, taking me by the arm and pulling me off the bed. "I need to talk to you again about decorations for the reception. I have a few new ideas to run by you while we still have time to make changes." She gave Rosalie a dark look as we left the room.

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**** EPOV ****

The days began to fly by as we got closer and closer to the wedding. Soon it would be our final week, our moratorium week, which I knew would drag by at a glacial pace. I stuck to our usual routine, spending most nights with her at Charlie's, leaving before he arose each morning, and then spending the majority of our days together either preparing for the wedding, or finding ways to escape preparing for the wedding.

Bella and I continued to grow closer as a direct result of our practice sessions. Our relationship was never more solid, and our prior lack of intimacy was the catalyst. We had a strong foundation before, but forcing ourselves to deal with our fears and desires brought us closer with every passing day.

We had about 10 days left to go before the moratorium, and I couldn't think of any fear we hadn't explored, any topic still off limits. After the day of our picnic at Deception Pass, I thought that evening would stand as a watershed right up until we finally consummated our marriage. I could imagine sharing very few things more intimate than the way we loved each other that day. Bella, however, continued to surprise me at every turn.

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**** BPOV ****

I was almost dreading Edward coming over, especially after Rose's odd statements about my period the week before. I'd been having periods like clockwork as long as I'd known him, and while I made sure to pay extra careful attention to hygiene during that time, I did it regardless of my proximity to vampires. I'd never really thought too much about the question of vampires and menstruation, and Edward had never brought it up. I assumed it was a non-issue; especially since he no longer felt the urge to bite me. Logically, to me at least, it wasn't something we'd ever need to discuss. Still, Rose piqued my curiosity, and Alice's reaction made me wonder exactly what Rose was getting at. I had a pretty good idea it would probably make me ill.

Edward came to my room a few days later as always, slipping through my window and waiting for me on my bed while I showered and dressed. I climbed in beside him and we kissed for a while, enjoying being together after our all-day separation. He'd gone hunting with his brothers, and came to me as quickly as he could afterward.

It was still fairly early, so I propped myself up with pillows, stretched out my legs and settled in with a book. Edward lay his head in my lap while I read, humming a quiet tune. He stopped after a couple of chapters, and if I hadn't known better I'd have thought he was asleep and dreaming. His brow was furrowed in a way I'd not seen before, his eyes were closed and his nostrils were twitching.

I went back to my book, and after a few moments, I heard him take a long ragged breath, hold it, and then exhale even slower. He was trying to relax himself. I put my book away and began to run my fingers through his hair. He calmed noticeably.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Is it difficult to be here when I'm having my period?"

He looked up at me, but didn't answer. I continued to brush his hair with my fingertips, wondering if I should have just let sleeping dogs lie. After several minutes, he finally spoke.

"I spent a lot of time worrying about losing control with you Bella, worrying about hurting you. Your scent nearly drove me insane with thirst when we met. That's not a concern anymore."

"So is that a 'no'?"

"Not really."

"So…"

"Yes, it's difficult, but not in the way you think. The thirst that drives me to _feed_, the need for nourishment, isn't bothered. But the _sexual_ thirst? This blood… intensifies it."

"Oh." I thought about that for a minute, and remembered an analogy he once used. "So, I guess the wine bottle is wide open, right under your nose… right?" It was _literally_ inches from his nose.

He caressed my cheek, then smiled and looked away. His voice was considerably quieter the next time he spoke.

"Did you like what we did the other night, Bella?"

A slow smile crept across my face, followed by a telltale blush. "Yes."

"So did I. Very much."

"What's that got… oh."

He smiled _my_ smile. _Oh, holy hell. _"I would _never_ ask you to do anything that made you uncomfortable, Bella."

"I – I – don't know – I mean - " Suddenly I panicked, trying not to picture what I feared would be an enormous, stomach-turning mess.

He pulled me down into his arms and kissed me. "Shhh... I can still enjoy the bouquet, without having to taste the wine, remember? You asked me yourself, once, who decides how we can touch each other. The answer is still 'we do,' you and I. It's _your_ body Bella, and I respect that. It's yours to choose how you share it with me. I'm touched that you thought to ask about this, and I wanted to answer you truthfully. That's all."

"I just never – it seems kind of…"

"It's a cultural taboo, nothing more. Blood is just another part of your body. Like eyelashes, or skin, or toenails for that matter. Not bad or dirty or wrong. Just another part of your body that renews itself. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. The way I was raised was so repressed; everything was 'unmentionable.' The way I look at it now, is this: what you and I do when we're alone together is no one's business but our own. Whatever it is, it's just between us. If there's ever anything you're curious about, I'd hope you feel safe enough with me to talk about it. That's finally how I feel, with you."

"I know, and I feel that way, too. This just… wow."

"Shhh, love. Don't worry about it. I'm fine. I'm here, and I love you regardless. Okay?"

"Okay." He kissed me and rocked me to sleep in his arms, humming my lullaby.

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**** EPOV ****

I would never have spoken to her about it on my own. It surprised me when she brought it up, and made me wonder if one of my sisters had anything to do with it. After all the time we'd been together, she'd never once mentioned her periods. I was completely aware of them, as we all were, but would never in a million years have broached the subject without dire need. In a strange way, it made me proud of her for bringing it up, proud of us, for having developed the trust and comfort that made this kind of conversation possible.

Still, the look of panic on her face cut me deeply. I knew she was picturing the worst case scenario. Knowing her aversion to the sight and smell, she was probably imagining all manner of blood-soaked nightmares. Of course that was how she would picture it. She'd never seen me hunt, had no idea what that looked like, had no reason to believe it was anything other than a frenzied gnashing of teeth and gaping wounds. I actually prided myself on my habits, frequently leaving scant evidence as to my prey's cause of death, aside from the obvious lack of blood. Perhaps I might have time tomorrow to convince Jasper to go for another brief hunt, camera in hand. I might be able to kill two birds: allowing her to see me hunt, and assuaging any fears she might have about my 'table manners,' for lack of a better description. I hoped she'd be curious enough to ask about it again. If not, I was more than content with things the way they stood.

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**** BPOV ****

The video of Edward hunting was probably one of the most erotic things I'd ever seen. While Jasper's videography skills left something to be desired (finally! Something they aren't perfect at!), it was still an amazing thing to behold. His feline grace and power, and the way he _embraced_ the animal, four times his size, left me speechless. When it was over, the elk looked as if it had simply lain down for a nap. Edward's clothes were hardly rumpled and, much to my relief, his face showed no visible evidence of his meal.

He turned off the video and lay back on the bed while I sat there, staring at him. He had the nerve to smirk. I laughed at that, and hesitantly nodded my head.

He pulled me into his arms and told me how much he loved me, kissing me, caressing me, all the while cautiously watching my reactions as his hands and mouth traveled my body. I closed my eyes and let the pleasure consume me.

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~whew~

okay - so, yeah.

i *had*to go there, but couldn't bear to make Bella watch Edward wipe his chin. so to speak. so, i leave it up to your pervy imagination. however, i do picture E with very tidy table manners...

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this is not my kind of fetish, but i was COMPELLED to go there with E. i mean, he's a vamp. and he's mesmerized by the smell of her blood. and he wants her. _sexually_. but *that* blood never gets mentioned?

yeah.

Whatev.

tell me what you think, bbs.

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i know, i know - you all hate th BD-style fade to black. take heart: an M.O.M. smuttake/outtake is up next. make sure you have me on alert. won't be posted here. it *dives* into this chapter a little deeper. *ahem*

deeper than i was willing to go within the confines of the fic, but i went ahead and wrote it up as an outtake. don't feel compelled if it's not your cup of tea. it's just more pervy smut for those that want to read more about this particular taboo.


	15. Not in front of Emmett

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

this chapter picks up immediately after the last, with Edward in Bella's embrace. The opening text is quoted from the Out-Take for chapters 13-14, **Cullenlingus**, which can be found on my profile**. If you choose not to read the outtake, Edward has just pleasured Bella during her period, and sought his own release afterwards, soiling the sheets of his bed.  
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_Previously: _

_I lay down beside her, spent and as close to sleep as was vampirically possible. She tenderly caressed my face, and I hesitated to lean in to kiss her the way I wanted to. She whispered that she loved me, and placed a feather-light kiss on my lips. I repeated the sentiment and accepted her warm embrace._

~*~*~*~*~ EPOV

I quickly changed the bedding when she rose a while later to use the bathroom. I'd not counted on pleasuring myself, too, but never imagined just how aroused I'd be. Unfortunately, I hadn't the presence of mind at the time to aim it somewhere easier to clean, like her belly, or, dear God, her breasts. Just imagining it aroused me all over again. I felt an animalistic satisfaction at the thought of claiming her body like that, covering her in my essence, marking her in the basest fashion, but the possibility that she might allow it was what aroused me. She wanted to be mine, wanted me to claim her, and part of me wanted every nose within a thousand mile radius to know she was mine alone. _Mine._

She finished up her bedtime routine, pulled on the t-shirt I'd worn earlier, and crawled back into bed. She was asleep, whispering my name, within moments. I took my own quick shower and returned to her side, calculating in my head the minutes and seconds remaining until she was my wife.

She woke up the next morning smiling, stretching like a cat. I laughed at her and asked her if she'd slept well. She blushed and shifted onto her stomach, burying her face in her pillow.

"Yes, very well."

I'd not bothered to dress, but I probably should have put on underwear or something. The occasional brush of her skin against mine throughout the night just felt too good to impede with clothing. I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and kissed her temple. She rolled to face me and hitched her leg up over my hip, pulling us together. She laughed out loud when the state of my body presented itself, and I had to be honest with myself; I actually enjoyed it. After all the years I refused to yield to the desires swirling around, and within, me, it was wonderful to finally embrace my own sexuality. It was exhilirating to allow myself to experience this part of 'life,' to admit that this is part of what our bodies were created to do, to respond to each other like this. There was nothing wrong with it, or with me. I was in a healthy, committed relationship with someone that loved me and desired me, and took pleasure from my touch. What on earth could be more perfect and right, and human, than to explore that?

She placed a line of hot kisses across my chest as her fingers wove through my hair. I could see her smiling, and knew that she continued to be amused by her obvious effect on me. I growled softly against her ear, sending a shiver down her back. I unwound one of her hands from my hair and brought it between us, dragging her fingers along my chest and abs.

"Something funny this morning, love?" I brought our hands to my erection and wrapped her fingers around it. "You find this amusing, do you?" She twisted her wrist as she stroked me, slow and firm, and I was moaning her name before I realized it. She nodded yes as she attached herself to my right nipple, sucking hard.

"Oh fucking hell, Bella," I shouted when she softly bit down.

She released my nipple with a lick, and kissed her way to the other. "What was that, Edward? I didn't quite hear you." She continued to stroke me maddeningly slowly, flicking her wrist at the top and dragging her thumb across the end.

"You're going to be the death of me."

"You're already dead. You have Carlisle to thank."

"_Please_ don't mention Carlisle while you're doing that, okay? Just – oh God, Bella, _please_ speed up. Fuck!" She bit my other nipple, flicking her tongue over the tip. I wasn't going to last long, and she knew it.

"Show me."

She loved to watch me do this, and loved it more when we did it together, both our hands on me at once. I wrapped my hand around her wrist, pacing her movement but allowing her to continue doing everything else the way she already was.

Her eyes were fixed on mine, watching the play of emotions across my face, no doubt. I looked down to our hands, back up to her eyes and then slowly down again, silently inviting her to watch with me. She rested her forehead on my shoulder, watching our hands manipulate my flesh, watching the beauty and simplicity of the touch we were sharing, fascinated. I felt my release build, and I let her know by whispering her name. She nodded against my collarbone, acknowledging my imminent release. I closed my eyes, and my head fell back, suddenly too heavy to hold up. She continued to stroke, encouraging me, caring for me, helping me succumb to it, watching me fall apart and holding me together all at the same time.

When it was over, she kissed over my quiet heart. She removed the shirt she'd slept in, gently cleaned us up, and dropped the shirt on the floor behind her.

She wrapped her arms around me and held me, running her fingers through my hair, letting me enjoy the quietude that followed my release. When my wits returned, I took a deep breath and let it out, then kissed her sweetly.

"Good morning," she whispered.

Good morning, indeed.

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~*~*~*~*~

"That one looks like an elephant, eating a Buick." She floated lazily on the surface, letting the slight current push her towards the rocky overflow. The beads of sweat on her upper lip looked delicious. I forced myself to focus on the cloud.

"No, no, no. It's a clown, with a pointy hat, getting _out_ of a Buick!"

"Okay, fine. That one – what's that one?" She pointed broadly at the sky, as if there were a limited number of options for 'that one.'

"Which one, in relation to the Buick?"

"To the left of the Buick. See?"

"Ahhh, I see." I pondered the cloud. I pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "That one's tricky."

"Yeah, yeah. What is it?"

"It's a person – no, wait – it's you."

"Me? How can that be me? It's a big blob… are you comparing me to a big white blob?" She splashed me in the face.

"No, love. Look – see there?" I pointed at the sky, too, hoping she'd play along. I loved teasing her like this. "That's you, laying on an enormous bed, waiting for me on our wedding night."

"You got all that, from a cloud?"

"Okay, see that bit to the left, kind of bent? Those are your legs. You're sort of laying half on your side. And the puffy, wall-looking cloud behind? That's the headboard." I ran my hands up and down her legs under the surface of the water. I could see the gears turning behind her eyes, trying to think of a way to pry our honeymoon destination out of me.

"Where's the bed?"

"In a room."

"Where's the room?"

"In a building."

"What kind of building?"

"A nice one."

"Is it cold outside, or warm?"

"Well, considering those clouds are probably at least about seven thousand feet up, I'd say it's definitely cold." The look on her face was priceless. I think she actually thought I'd tell her. She smacked my chest wetly with the palm of her hand, knowing she couldn't do any damage. Her tiny tirades always amused me. The big ones you had to watch out for, but this was just, well, _cute._

"You are such a bastard, Cullen. I can't believe you are being so childish."

"I'm not a bastard, I know precisely who my father is, and, as a matter of fact, I've had two, thank you very much. Carlisle would be very hurt by that remark. And you're the one being childish here, with your little tantrum over a secret no one will tell you."

"Whatever. You started it."

I smiled to myself, knowing she was no where near finished.

"And besides, if you don't tell me about it, how do you know I'll like it? We might get there and I could be so depressed I refuse to put out. It might ruin the whole trip."

"I'd be careful before you go making threats like that. Maybe I'll refuse to 'put out,' because you're such a harpy."

"I've seen your goods already. I can live without it."

_Bingo!_ I pulled her into my lap, forcing her to straddle me. I knew I'd win this battle, every time. Every. Time. "Oh come on, Bella…" I used the sultriest tone I could, grazing my lips along her collarbone, slowly, but firmly pulling her against my groin. If we hadn't been wearing bathing suits, this would be very dangerous. "You know you want me, baby, don't deny it. Think of all you'd be missing…" I curled my hips upwards against her in the most ridiculously suggestive maneuver I'd ever made. It surprised me how good it felt. Another one for my as-yet-unused arsenal. I was pressed right up against her already overheated core, her blush just as likely the result of what I was doing to her as from the temperature of the hot spring. She hesitated a second too long before responding, and I knew I had her.

"I told you before, I'd be just fine – me, Pink and a supply of coppertops… so I'd watch it, if I were you."

Her voice was suddenly lower and softer. I licked her neck, kissing and nibbling my way up to her ear, then back down again along the center of her throat. Her breathing was shallower and more ragged.

"Oh, I'll watch it, baby. I'll watch it, hard and thick and shiny with your wetness, sliding in and out of you till you scream my name. I plan to make you scream my name till you're hoarse. You want that, don't you, love?" I curled my hips upward again.

"Edward…" Not quite what I was going for, but considering our current situation I'd settle for my name as a breathy moan.

She latched onto my mouth with all she had, and I gave back as good as I got. When she was finally gasping for breath, I pulled away, smiling as she pressed her forehead to mine.

"You don't fight fair, Cullen," she said, dotting my face with open kisses.

I laughed. "I think I missed that rule." I mirrored her kisses, a smile never leaving my lips.

"So, you know what today is, don't you?"

"Sunday?"_  
_

"Two points for Captain Obvious."

"It's exactly one week until the moratorium starts, and two weeks until our wedding."

"Yes. So, I've wanted to ask you about that, since it was your idea and all."

"You agreed to it, too – don't pin all your anticipated sexual frustration on me."

"I know, I know. It's just that we haven't really discussed it much, and aside from holding hands and closed-mouth kisses, I'd like to know how you envision us spending the week."

"Well, I wanted to talk with you about that, too. I was wondering how you'd feel if I didn't stay with you at night, if you were to sleep alone for that week?"

"WHAT? That wasn't part of the line!" She was furious.

"I know love. Shh. Don't be upset. Let me explain, please?" I tried to soothe her but she pushed my hands aside and moved away from me.

"Explain."

"It's becoming very difficult to spend the night with you. I think it would be more in keeping with the spirit of the 'line' if I were to let you rest, rather than driving each other insane all week. I won't enjoy it, but I think it's a good idea. One less temptation."

"But, we'll still see each other, and spend time together – just not at night, right?"

"I'll call you every night and hum you to sleep, okay?"

"Are we limiting how we, um, touch _ourselves?_"

"Well, that's a great question."

"Sometimes, I – I just… can't sleep without… a little."

It was adorable when she had these shy moments, after all we'd done with each other. I sincerely hoped that didn't change after our honeymoon. "I don't have a problem with that, love, although now I'm going to have that image in my head every time I call to hum you to sleep."

"Well, serves you right, for coming up with this cruel idea in the first place."

"Cruel? Come on, now. I think it's a great idea! After all the practicing we've done, to have a little break and heighten our anticipation of our wedding night – don't think of it as cruel, love. Think of it as a solid week of foreplay."

"Which takes me right back to _cruel_."

"Okay, well, just think of the strong and lasting bond you'll form with Pink. By the way – is that the only toy you have?"

"Lasting bond… so now you're encouraging me to marry my vibrator? A few minutes ago you were pissed at that thought. And yes, Pink is my one and only. Why?"

"Oh, I was just wondering… I mean, it is rather, um, unwieldy. I thought you might like to have something a little more discreet."

"You want to buy me a new vibe. Is that it?"

"Well, the thought had crossed my mind."

"I guess I'd let you do that. I mean, something a little smaller than a power tool might be nice. Something palm sized maybe. We could go shopping, together…?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Just then my phone buzzed. I scrambled out of the spring and over to the boulder where we'd left our clothes. I listened to Alice speak, acknowledged her words and hung up. "Hikers, about half an hour off, and the clouds are breaking up."

She smirked at the sky, and reluctantly stood up. I helped her out, then handed her a towel. We dried and dressed quickly, hoping to get back to the trailhead before the hikers.

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~*~*~*~*~

"So, that one's kinda interesting, love. What do you think?"

"I don't know, it looks like a medical probe. What about this one?"

"It must have a lifetime guarantee. Look at the price."

"Ooh! That one's cute! Look at the little butterfly on it! Click on the purple one!"

"You're starting to sound like my sister. Are you really using 'cute' as a consideration in shopping for vibrators?" I added the little purple Papillon to the shopping cart, along with the expensive one, and bought them both.

"Whatever. Hey – that reminds me, how did she manage to choose one so similar to your, um…?"

"No – stop right there. She's my sister, and has never had more than a passing accidental glance, and _never_ standing at attention."

"Well, that's good to know. It just freaked me out at first, I couldn't for the life of me imagine anyone actually built… and then I saw you for the first time, and it just made me wonder… how she… knew."

"I wondered about that too, when I saw it sitting on your bedroom floor that first time. I assume she must have had a rather vivid vision."

"Do you think she's had other, uh, visions about us?"

"I'm sure she has but, to her credit, she doesn't advertise the fact. She's probably seen just as much as I've heard over the years, which might be worse. I mean, it's one thing to hear people's dirty thoughts, it's another thing to see them being acted out."

"What's the worst you've ever heard?"

I winced. There was no way in hell I was sharing a thousandth of what I'd heard. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't. I've heard horrible things, and used them to identify… targets… when I left the family for a time. I've heard things I'll never repeat. I'm sorry."

"No, I understand. I'm sorry I asked."

I kissed her cheek. "It's alright."

She toggled to another browser window to look at a somewhat kinkier online store than the one I'd just purchased from. "So, tell me some of the more, um, _intriguing_ things you've heard."

"You mean, besides every sexual fetish you could ever imagine, and then some? Or maybe some of the things I've heard men think when they look at you, or my sisters? Or some of the things our classmates, male _and_ female, have thought about me and my brothers? I was actually shocked recently to discover someone we know fantasizing in great detail about watching Emmett, Jasper and me fu…"

"NO! Stop – I don't need to know the rest."

She visibly shuddered, a sour look on her face. "Well, so much for trying to get you to talk about sexual fantasies."

"Well, if that's what you wanted, all you had to do was say so."

"Well?"

I pushed the computer away and pulled her into my lap.

"Like being so horny that I take you up against a wall, before we even have a chance to get all our clothes off?" I kissed her neck, and flicked her earlobe with my tongue.

"Or you spread eagle across the hood of the Volvo?" I pulled back to see the look on her face and discovered she'd closed her eyes.

"Or writhing on my lap at my piano?"

Her eyes shot open at that, and she smiled. "Those are good, for starters. Are all your fantasies so, uh, tame?"

"Tame? Okay, well, how about the one where you tie me to a bed and make me beg for it, and you're hovering over me on all fours, just out of my reach?" Her smile grew impossibly wider.

"Or the one where I fuck you like an animal in front of Emmett just so he shuts the hell up once and for all?" That one earned me a major frown.

"Or maybe the one where we make home movies?" She laughed out loud.

"Or the one where I'm your doctor and you come to me for emergency 'treatment'?" She raised her eyebrows, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

"Or – oh wait, this is a good one – the one where I tie YOU up, and blindfold you, and make YOU beg? I like that one a lot."

"Wow." She said. She was beet red, and her eyes looked distant. She was picturing it, too. "I, uh, wow. I could get into some of that. Well, except the Emmett thing – I don't know about that one."

"Yeah, I know. I could never go through with it. He'd want to participate. But some of the others… you could get into?"

"I think we should save this conversation for the week after next."

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so - I don't usually open a chapter with a lemon, but it's refreshing, yes? I feel fresh and moist, and naughty at the same time. Good thing? Bad thing? heh... ya bunch of pervs. You know naughty and moist go *ahem* hand in hand.

We're getting down to the wire... 4 more chapters left. ::sad::

Don't forget to look for the smut-take out-take for Chapter 13/14: Taboo... it's titled Cullenlingus, but it might not be everyone's cup of tea. *warning* ...Heh... ohh, me so naughty.

Check my profile for "Adrift," my entry into 'A Picture is Worth 1000 Words' contest, and my Twilight 25: Round 2 submissions. Twi25 is a LiveJournal contest where we participating authors are all given the same list of 25 one-word prompts from which to write either a 100-word drabble, or a 1000 word one-shot for each prompt, all before March 10th. It's wicked fun to do, and fascinating to see each writer's take on the same words. ElleCC started a C2 for all the entries, or you can find it on LJ. I'd be honored if you read mine, and searched out the other entries.

thanks for reading!


	16. Forty two

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

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I stepped into the shower when the steam began to fog the mirror. I ducked my head under the spray, wetting my face and hair, then turned to let the spray hit the back of my neck. I let my head fall forward, feeling the pull along my spine as the weight of my head stretched the muscles. I grabbed the shampoo bottle, squeezed out a dollop, and scrubbed it through my hair. I tilted my head back under the spray again, allowing the water to begin rinsing the lather away, feeling globs of it slide thickly down my back, across my rear and down my legs. I ran my hands through my hair, making sure it was well rinsed before moving on. For some reason, it dawned on me in that moment that there were a limited number of times I'd be doing this as a single person. In eleven days, I'd be married, and my world would be forever changed. Would I feel different? Was it just the thrill of anticipation, making me think like this? A shower was a shower, what difference would it make if I was married or not? But it was merely a way to count the days, a milestone to mark the passage of time until the wedding. How many more showers until the wedding? How many more nights, how many more meals, how many more kisses? How many I love yous, until the one that mattered most?

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*** EPOV ***

This was one of the highlights of my existence: watching Bella sleep. Even with a solid eight hours spent observing her every night, she was still the most fascinating creature I'd ever encountered. As pathetic as it sounded, I treasured every moment we shared, waking or otherwise. In sleep, her insecurities faded away. She was relaxed, vulnerable, and unfiltered. I thrilled to watch the physical manifestations of her night time adventures. I longed to share them with her, to see the disjointed journeys her subconscious mind experienced.

It was like watching a dog sleep, seeing their faces and feet twitch, imagining them chasing rabbits or cats across lawns or through traffic, or being chased by bigger dogs. Who knew what went on in the minds of sleepers? I'd long since forgotten what it felt like to dream, but I had a vivid imagination, even if she seldom shared details of her nightly exploits. I looked forward to each night with her, just for the simple pleasure of trying to decipher where her mind would take her next.

Her sex dreams, however, drove me insane. It was exquisite torture, watching her. I simultaneously loathed them, and craved them. I loathed the frustration I felt, desperate to either take myself in hand and join her in ecstasy, or wake her and make her dreams a reality. Watching her in the throes of unconscious passion fueled me like blood never could. The sounds she made, occasionally moaning my name, stayed with me for hours afterwards. As a dream developed, she would sometimes touch herself, getting so aroused that a film of sweat covered her body, intensifying the scent of her arousal. I allowed myself to fill in the blanks, and I imagined her dreaming of all the things I wanted to experience with her. I pictured scenarios, positions, outrageous locales... She'd made me confess several of my own fantasies, but I had yet to hear her own.

Tonight, her dream appeared unpleasant. She struggled against the sheets, whimpering with heartbreak and unshed tears. And then I heard it.

"…Jacob…"

_Aw, fuck. She's dreaming about the boy._

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*** BPOV ***

I woke with a start, blinking in the darkness. My eyes were wet, and I was shaking. Edward was there, as always, but his arms around me were stiff, not the loving, tender embrace I usually enjoyed. I took a deep breath, remembering the tail end of the dream that jolted me awake.

_I was sitting on the beach, First Beach, alone. It was daytime, but the sky was an odd greenish grey. Edward ran along the water's edge, smiling, and sat beside me, pulling me into his arms. I remember feeling his love radiating around me, warming me from within, but something wasn't right. I pulled away and noticed that part of my body was missing. It shifted, from a leg, to an arm, to a hand or foot, sometimes half of my body, like a shifting blind spot, hiding part of myself from me, or like chasing a floater in your eye. I sat on the log, staring at my body, looking at the Swiss cheese holes that appeared and disappeared, watching the oily shimmer that replaced the missing pieces. Edward stood, and waited patiently for me to take his hand. Suddenly, Alice was there, holding my wedding dress. I was hysterical, ranting that the dress wouldn't fit me anymore because of the missing pieces of my body, like an amputee with a folded-up pants leg. I couldn't move. Alice and Edward looked at one another and waited, looking out at the sea, at the waves crashing on the beach under the strange, grey, sunless sky. Sunless. The sun was missing. My sun. My Jacob._

The tightness in my chest was crushing. One minute I was on the beach, feeling the cold wet log underneath me, and the next I was back in my bed, with Edward's arms around me.

"I said his name, didn't I?" I felt a trail of wetness on my cheek, and hastily wiped it away.

"Yes, you did." His voice was quiet, sad.

I hesitated, but had to say it out loud, and acknowledge what he already knew. "I miss him…."

"I know, love. I know."

"I love _you_, Edward, only you. I just miss my friend."

"I know. I love you too."

He relaxed and rocked me quietly in his arms until I fell back into a restless sleep. I heard his voice whispering in the darkness as I drifted off.

"Sleep, for now. It will be alright. He'll come around."

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*** BPOV ***

"So… spread eagle on the top of your Volvo?"

"No, actually, I was kidding about that one."

"Hunh. Too bad." I scooted farther up until my back was resting on the windshield, my knees bent and bare feet planted on the hood. I dragged my fingers up my legs, hiking up the hem of my sundress, exposing more skin than I usually did. He was standing directly in front of the car, looking out at Neah Bay.

I cleared my throat and laced my fingers behind my head, staring up at the hazy sky. I knew he'd turn to face me eventually, and I wasn't disappointed with his reaction: a throaty growl and his eyes glazing over.

I laughed and casually straightened out my legs, crossing my ankles to obstruct his view of his favorite blue underwear.

"Who _are_ you?"

"The devil incarnate."

"Clearly," he purred, grabbing one ankle and pulling me towards him across the hood of the Volvo.

I laughed as he dragged me closer. "And you, sir, are a liar." I leaned towards him and ran my hand up and down the front of his pants and the rigid evidence of his lie about the Volvo fantasy.

"It wasn't so much a lie, as it was a stall tactic."

"Yes, and you've been stalling since the day I met you. I'll have you know your days of stalling are nearly over."

"Yeah, I have… what? Eleven days left before I have to…" He stopped abruptly.

I pulled back, wondering what on earth he was getting at. I could tell he was debating whether to speak, or let it drop. Finally, after scrubbing his hands through his hair repeatedly, he spoke.

"Bella, aren't you scared, in the least?"

I took a deep breath, not sure where this was going, but knowing it was something he obviously needed to talk through. "Well, sure, I guess so, on some level. I mean, I'm pretty young, really, and getting married right out of high school. Half the town looks at me like I'm carrying your illicit love child, and the other half hopes you got me to sign a prenup. My oldest friend is a werewolf that has sworn me off because my fiancé and in-laws are all vampires. I have no idea what it really means to be a good wife – I didn't exactly have very good role models for that growing up. We're going away to college in a few weeks in a part of the country I've never even seen, much less where I know anyone. My entire world is changing. And to top it off, up until a few weeks ago you were terrified to French kiss me, much less consummate our marriage on our wedding night. Of course I'm a little scared. But I have you, and I know that after all we've been through, we can get through this, too."

He nodded in acknowledgment of my words, but didn't respond. I kissed his cheek and pulled him close. "What are you afraid of, babe?"

"I'm afraid that once this is all said and done, it won't be what you bargained for. That I won't be everything you hoped for, or deserve. That I won't be any good at this husband business."

"Do you still have a blanket in the back? I don't want to sit on your car and talk about this."

"Sure. It's in the back. Roll up the windows and I'll get it."

He tossed me the keys, retrieved the blanket and held out his hand as we walked toward a little lookout area.

"So, what's _really_ going on in that handsome head?" We found a relatively flat spot and spread the blanket, sitting down opposite each other.

"I don't know. I guess it must just be pre-wedding jitters. I never expected this. It's kind of thrown me off kilter a bit."

I thought as much, but the way he said it felt like ice dripping down my back. "Are you having second thoughts?" He didn't answer at me right away, but continued looking over his shoulder at the strait. I couldn't suppress the gasp; it left my body before I could beat it back, my hand too late to cover my mouth. His head whipped around to me at the sound, torture in his eyes.

"NO! No – love, no, never. God – no, that's not – aw, shit." He had his arms around me, his lips in my hair. "God, no. I love you so much, this is everything in my world – to take vows with you that will join us forever. Never doubt that." He placed kisses everywhere his hands touched me – my hair, my face, neck and ears, finally landing on my lips. "I love you so much, Bella, so much. Please, don't ever doubt that. Please?"

"I just – don't understand."

"I'm afraid of the same things, you are. I mean, some, but not all... What I mean is, I'm still afraid of our wedding night."

I was stunned. My mouth opened and closed, and my eyes squinted up, but I couldn't make any words. I didn't have any words for that.

He pressed the butt of his hands into his eyes before he spoke. "I feel wonderful about everything we've done to get ready. Everything. But there's this part of me, this insecure, self-loathing part that refuses to die, that keeps telling me that my mouth has been making promises my body can't keep. I feel like I've been leading you on, and that you're expecting this amazing lover to suddenly sweep you off your feet and make mad passionate earth shaking love to you and I'm just not sure I can live up to all that. I mean, I know I've pleased you so far, or at least that's what I keep telling myself, and I think I have a pretty good idea how to put what I know to good use, but… every now and then I still feel like this nervous little boy being asked to do a man's job and I'm afraid of letting you down. You joked once about getting bored with me…"

I would have laughed out loud, had he not had such a pathetic look on his face.

"Edward, what is the one thing that saved us? The one thing that is so simple, we forgot to learn it until it was almost too late?"

"Trust."

"…and?"

"Open communication."

"I am afraid of exactly the same things you are. Exactly the same. And how do we get through that, every time? We talk about it. That's not going to stop."

He looked up at me and searched my face for something, then smiled and turned away.

"You're almost older than me, you know that?"

"All too well, and thanks for the reminder."

"You have a knack for saying exactly what I need to hear, with a wisdom way beyond your years."

I smiled at that. Renee had always called me an 'old soul.' "We'll figure it out, okay? Step by step, touch by touch. Just me and you. That's what I keep telling myself when I freak out about all this. I'm not expecting some silver screen heartthrob on my wedding night, with epic hours of endless sexing and forty-two orgasms apiece. I'm expecting you." I kissed him softly. "Just you." I kissed him again, a little harder. "Your hands, your lips, your body. And whatever our wedding night turns into, it will be ours. And that's all that matters."

"Okay, love."

"Besides, even _bad_ sex is still sex, right? How bad could it be?"

"Well, besides being so stressed out I can't function, or so excited I have no stamina, or so embarrassed by one or the other that I can't try again, or…"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud, and then felt guilty. He looked like I'd just laughed at his equipment.

"Oh, Edward, love, no. I'm not laughing at you, it's just… I can't imagine any of that happening, and if it did, you know damn well we'd both laugh it off and start kissing and you know I'm powerless to resist your lips. Of all the things to be afraid of, I think that is the _least _of my concerns. You just need to stop over-thinking this."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too. Now drop the emo and make out with me. The moratorium clock's ticking."

He laughed and tackled me, rolling us until I was on top. "Endless hours, huh?"

I was breathless from his kisses. He relented long enough for me to answer. "Total exaggeration. I'd be like hamburger on the inside."

"You know, Carlisle and I have had some interesting conversations about venom recently. You realize that in tiny amounts, it has the potential to heal superficial wounds without grave side effects." He ran his thumb across the silver crescent scar at my wrist, then kissed it.

"How tiny an amount, and how big a wound?" He slowly kissed his way up my arm.

"Oh, minor abrasions. And perhaps the amount in my mouth at any given time, or maybe, the amount in… my… other fluids." He raised one eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching up into my grin.

"Oh, really…?" Hip lips founded the pulse point at my throat and lingered there.

"Yep," he said, accentuating the 'p.'

"Maybe I'll have to rethink that forty-two orgasm thing. I seem to recall you don't need much in the way of recovery time."

He laughed out loud. "Forty-two is a pretty big number."

"Something to shoot for." I kissed behind his ear, and licked his earlobe. He shuddered, and his words faltered.

"…are we talking about per person, or combined?"

"Per person." He looked at me wide-eyed, then smiled at the smirk on my face.

"Hmmm. And in what time frame, love?"

"Oh, daily, I think." I tried to put on a very serious face, and failed.

He laughed again at that. "Right. No pressure. So, let me see… that's roughly an orgasm for each of us, on average, every… 34 minutes in 24 hours? If I let you off for several hours of sleep – eight? That increases the pace to… once every 23 minutes. Now, if we take off a couple more hours for your meals and bathing and the like, let's see… things get dicey. That brings us down to – what? Every twenty minutes?"

"Sounds about right." I nodded, impressed with his estimation.

"Yeah. No pressure." He kissed his way up the other side of my neck, and trailed one hand between my legs.

I pulled back to look him in the eyes. "Yeah, but you know what I think the best part will be?"

"Nerve damage?" His nimble fingers found my core and I had to blink hard to keep my train of thought.

"Glad to know you have the best interest of my girl parts in mind..." I closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me.

"Always," he whispered.

"…the best part…" God, I loved his hands.

"Yes?"

"God, Edward, don't stop."

"Never. That's it, baby, so beautiful…" He redoubled his efforts, and the only thing in the world that mattered was his hands on my body as I fell apart. He held me in his arms quietly until I recovered, then began kissing me softly.

"You were saying something about the best part?"

I smiled. "The best part will be trying to make each other lose count."

He smiled broadly. "One..."

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*** EPOV ***

We spent the rest of the day laughing, touching and talking about the last vestiges of our fear, most of them pertaining to the intimacy we'd not yet shared. After all our practicing, we were still the same people with the same basic insecurities and personality quirks that made us who we are. We just happened to be adding a new layer to our bond. As I learned more and more frequently, the best thing to do where Bella was concerned was to talk about it. It never failed to solve a problem, and bring us closer in the process. While I was certain that we would probably never eradicate our insecurities, we were learning how to help each other disregard them.

I had Alice send the boy a wedding invitation, but was unsure if he'd accept. She no longer referred to him as her 'best' friend, which pleased me. She'd bestowed that title on me, and it swelled my pride. Aside from husband, it was the one role in her life that meant the most to me. It was petty to be jealous of their friendship, after he'd been there for her when I wasn't. I owed him a debt of gratitude for that, and was willing to be the bigger man for her sake. Hearing her speak his name in her sleep hurt, but it helped me grasp the depth of her affection for him, and the pain it caused her when he'd left. I couldn't begrudge her a relationship with her oldest friend, and hoped he'd consider the wedding invitation my way of extending an olive branch.

I watched her again in slumber, peaceful and sweet, her eyes fluttering beneath her lids, wishing I could see what she saw, hoping that tonight it pertained to our wedding night and the number forty-two… when I heard the one thing that always made me want to kiss her awake.

"Edward, god, yes…"

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*sigh*

Who's POV was the very first bit - the shower scene? and next up, the moratorium week... there's a huge literary reference in this chap - can you find it? as always, I love reading your thoughts!

~*~

I have always sworn to respond to every review, but find that in recent weeks i am unable to do so. My 93yo father is in the final days of his life and my mother, siblings and I are preparing ourselves that the end is imminent. I appreciate your patience and support as I work through this difficult time.


	17. Moratorium

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

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~*~ BPOV ~*~

"So, we have all the big stuff nailed down. The minister, the license, our dresses… we still have some decorating issues to take care of, and I'm still getting RSVP's. I'm not too worried about that, though, because there will be plenty of food anyway. Booze for the humans is ordered and confirmed, flowers are coming in from Seattle that morning, cake is taken care of, the boys' clothes are taken care of, music, extra chairs, a crew to set up the canopy and dance floor on the terrace, photography… oh hey! When do you guys expect the albums to arrive from your saucy photo shoots?"

"The photographer is going to bring them when she comes down that morning. Can you make sure they make their way into my suitcase?"

She nodded yes, with a devil gleam in her eye.

"They are supposed to be sealed up. Make sure they stay that way. I want him and me to be the first to see them. I'll show you when we get home, if it's okay with Edward."

She nodded again, grumbling under her breath. I smiled, knowing she'd figure out a way to get a sneak peek. Her eyes glassed over and, after a minute or so, she giggled.

"You just saw them, didn't you?"

"I'll never tell."

She was flipping through an enormous three-ring binder complete with color-coded tab dividers. I was getting a headache just looking at it. It was stuffed with magazine clippings, fabric samples, contracts and receipts, business cards and brochures, and it was bursting at the seams. I don't know why something so simple had to be so complicated. All we needed were a minister, a license, some clean clothes, and a few witnesses. The rest was fluff. I had to admit, though, everything she'd put together was going to be stunning. She'd chosen carefully, honoring my tastes and dislike for glitz. It still seemed like a lot.

Esme sat me down a few weeks ago and said something that helped put it all into perspective:

"_A wedding is something you do for others. Your marriage belongs to you, and your spouse, but the wedding? That's for everyone else. You've done a very generous thing, letting Alice do all this for you – it's her gift to you both, and to Edward especially. She was so thrilled that he found you, and so crushed when he asked us to leave. Now that you're finally together, and starting your journey as husband and wife, she's beyond elated. She's hoped for this for him for years, decades, watching him always odd man out, never feeling the companionship of a partner, or the touch of a lover as the rest of us do. Now that you have each other, she's overjoyed. That you let her do this – it means everything to her. It sounds trite, but it's true; she's not just celebrating your wedding, she's expressing her love for both of you, and her happiness at your union. She loves you both very much."_

I'd known all along that Edward had never been in a relationship before, but I never really spent much time thinking about what that meant for his family dynamic. He was certainly odd man out in a house full of very amorous couples, and I knew he took his leave when the sexual atmosphere became particularly difficult to endure. Seeing it from Alice and Esme's perspective made my heart ache. He'd spent every year of his vampire existence, from 1918 to now, watching his family expand to include new siblings and their mates, all the while watching, but never experiencing, the kind of love they'd all found. It must have hurt them, to see the brother they loved so much, unable to experience a love of his own.

It made the enormity of what we have that much clearer to me. He'd waited almost a century, living a half-life, and all that was finally, almost, over.

Alice knocked me from my reverie by throwing a bikini at me.

"C'mon. The sun's out."

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**** BPOV ****

"Want some more tea?"

I shielded my eyes and looked sideways. "I'm fine, Esme, thanks."

"Roll over, your front's getting pink." I clutched at the loose halter strings on my bikini top and rolled over, then untied the string around my ribcage, too.

"Why do you guys even do this, anyway? It's not like you're going to tan."

"The heat feels good. Like a lizard on a rock, in the sun."

I turned to look at Rose. "Oh. Well, that makes sense."

"And this isn't just for us. You need a little color for the wedding, and I'd never let you fake bake. That shit _never_ looks right." Alice shook her head.

"And since we can't very well be seen in public on sunny days, what else are we supposed to do?"

Esme agreed with Rose. "Days like this are too rare here not to take advantage of them"

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed before a thought occurred to me. "Too bad the guys aren't here to be our cabana boys."

"Yeah, they could bring us tall glasses of blood, with little umbrellas thrown in."

"That's just gross, Rose."

"Aww, come on Bella. You could pretend we were having Bloody Marys, and you could have something fruity and pretty – what are they called? A Pina Colada!"

"Yuck – beverages should not smell or taste like suntan oil. Besides, cabana boys are supposed to be decorative, for the most part. They stand around and look good, and bring you towels and help oil you up…"

"And what, pray tell, in your vast worldly experience, leads you to think that?"

"I don't know, Rose. It just – in my world, the cabana boys are decorative. And they all worship me."

Alice and Rose giggled. "And they should all look like Ed-waaard?"

"Well, of course. If it's my fantasy, they should all be perfect fantasy men. And we all know, that's Edward." I closed my eyes and smiled, imagining a tanned Edward in a tiny black bathing suit, barely covering his junk, with a drink tray balanced on one hand, and a towel thrown over the other, looking at me like I'm an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Alice smirked. "Oh really, little sister?"

"Of course. He's beautiful, and sensitive, and his hands…"

"Hands? Please. Jasper is sooo much finer," Alice insisted. "I mean, E is _pretty_ and all, but come on! You know Jasper is way hotter. He's just so… UNGH! God, his _ass_… I could bite it." She was practically writhing at the thought of it, clenching her fists and rubbing her knees against each other.

"Get over yourself, Al. No one remotely compares to Em, regardless how you _measure_. My man is a _god_. I don't blame any of those high school twats for leering at him. I'd be insulted if they didn't." Rose had a smug grin on her face that kinda creeped me out.

Esme spoke quietly. "You have no idea, girls. I've got you all beat."

Alice and Rose just laughed, but I was appalled. "Esme!"

"What? I'm a woman, married to a _damn_ fine man! You expect me to lay here and let you brag on yours without a word from me? You have _no idea_ what that man can do to me." She smiled smugly while I sat there with my mouth hanging open, trying _not_ to picture Carlisle… like _that_.

I squinted my eyes closed and shuddered. "That's just – no. No one wants to think about their parents… _doing_ it. Just. No."

Esme laughed. "Don't be silly, Bella. We're all adults."

"It's bad enough hearing about my future brothers-in-law from these two without you adding to it with Carlisle. I mean, he's handsome, but… no. I don't need to know."

"OHH!! Bella! You think Daddy C is handsome? What would Edward say? You, crushing on Carlisle…"

Esme just smiled.

"NO! Alice! Jeez, you are _bad_. Don't _even_."

Apparently, Esme was enjoying this. "It's okay, Bella. I don't blame you, but I wouldn't let Edward find out. He might not be so forgiving. But I understand. Carlisle's charms _are_ irresistible. All he has to do is flash that panty-dropping smile, and I'm ready to..."

"OH MY _GOD!!_ NO!" I launched myself out of the chaise lounge, barely catching my bikini top.

Esme continued, despite my obvious revulsion. "He's very… passionate. And self-sacrificing."

Alice whispered, "…and loud."

Esme reached out a hand and smacked her on the arm. "Pot, kettle?"

"I'm... I'm done. I'm going in now. Just – ugh." I grabbed my towel and ran in the house as fast as I could, with the three of them giggling in the back yard, pleading with me to come back.

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**** EPOV ****

I waited for her in her bed, listening to her shower. I imagined her shampooing her hair, then her slippery hands sliding across her breasts and belly, and perhaps a razor held delicately as she worked up and down her legs. It was our last night together before the wedding, and the next time I listened to her shower I hoped to be standing beside her, rather than a room away fantasizing about it.

She strolled into the room and, for the millionth time, I wondered what she was thinking. She was wearing a short satin robe, similar to the ones the photographer used during our portrait session. She held the robe together in front with her hand, the belt dangling loosely from its loops. I could tell she wore nothing underneath. She turned her back to me at her dresser, and began drying her hair. With the blow dryer on a low setting, her scent wafted through the room. She combed through it with her fingers, allowing the robe to hang open. It fell from her shoulders as she worked, held up only by her elbows. She stood this way, her back to me, with her body barely draped in midnight blue satin, until her hair was nearly dry. I'm not sure what I was expecting her to do next, but she still managed to surprise me. She turned out the light, stood in the moonlit darkness and allowed the robe to fall at her feet.

I watched her slip on the negligee she wore the night of her bridal shower. It was a pivotal night for us; it was the first time I'd been able to offer her release by my own hand, and the first time I'd allowed her to see my body.

She joined me on the bed, fitting her body against mine, her hands exploring my chest.

"You know that's my favorite gown, don't you?"

She combed her fingers through my hair, lightly scratching my scalp with her nails. "Yes."

I nudged her to look at me, and put my hands on her cheeks. She relaxed against me as I kissed her, as slowly and softly as I could. "The next time I lay with you like this, and the next time you wake up beside me, we'll be married."

She smiled. "I know. I've been doing that for the last few days, creating a countdown."

I kissed her again. "Me too. How many kisses until we're married…"

"How many showers, how many nights in this bed…"

We lay there, twined together, talking and touching softly, enjoying each other in the moment, not concerned with anything but being together. Neither of us needed it to go anywhere, neither of us were seeking release. There was undeniable sexual tension; there always was, but somehow we both knew it was more important to take stock of all we'd been through, all we felt for one another, and all there was ahead of us.

She fell asleep with her fists tucked up under her chin, and her forehead against my chest, the warmth from her quiet breathing seeping into me.

_Our last night together, but still apart._

_._

_._

_.  
_

**** BPOV ****

"Tell me what you're doing."

"I'm folding laundry."

"So domestic, and sexy. What are you wearing?"

"High-waisted polyester granny panties, mismatched tube socks and a sweatshirt with embroidered chickadees."

"Bella…"

"Okay, Forks General scrub pants and a beater."

"Hmmm. Should I believe you, or pretend you're wearing a naughty maid outfit while you fold laundry?"

I snorted into the phone. He'd turned into such a perv in the last few weeks. "What are _you_ wearing?"

"Oddly enough, scrubs and a beater."

"Should I believe you, or pretend you're wearing a short white lab coat and nothing else, ready to give me a thorough exam?"

He groaned at that. _Serves you right. _"See – not so fun to be on the receiving end, is it? And what if I told you I wasn't actually folding laundry or wearing scrubs, but lying naked in my bed, with the window wide open and the breeze tickling my skin. Oh, and changing the battery in Pink?"

"I could be there in less than five minutes, Bella."

"And I'd lock the window. You'd have to break something to get in. This was your idea, Edward. Take your medicine."

"I've got some medicine _you_ can take." He muttered it so low I barely heard him.

"What was that love?"

"Nothing."

"Good, because I thought I heard you beating off in the background."

"God, you're crass."

"You love it."

"Indeed, I do."

"So, I'm turning off the light, and tucking pink away for another night, because unlike someone I know, I need to get some rest. Your sisters and I have a big day ahead."

"Ahh, yes. They've been giggling about this for a week now. Care to share a hint?"

"The girls have arranged a private show for me at a Seattle club… with male dancers."

"Like hell, Bella! That's not funny." He muttered something about _Chippendales_, and sounded pissed.

"No, but your reaction is. It's just a 'girl day,' Edward. Nothing to get your panties in a wad over."

"Will I see you at all tomorrow?"

"Um, no. I won't have time until Thursday."

"Thursday? Bella, today was Monday!"

"I know, and I have a lot to get done. I might see you for a few minutes in the morning before the girls and I leave for… before we leave. Is that better? And I can probably spare a few minutes after dinner on Wednesday, but we'll have to play that by ear."

"I feel so neglected."

"Don't be a baby."

"I miss you."

"I just saw you two hours ago."

"I know, and I should be lying in bed beside you right now, instead of here, alone, staring at the wall."

"I know. I miss you too."

"Okay, well, I'll see you in the morning, right?"

"For a bit, yes."

"That will have to do, then. I love you, so much."

"I love you too. Good night."

"Good night, love."

~*~

I hated lying to him, but needed to make sure I stayed away from him until the smell dissipated, or my secret would be blown. Alice found the place weeks ago, and it was all the way out in Bellevue. I'd spoken to them several times since we made the appointment, and I had been practically vibrating, waiting for the day to finally roll around. I only hoped that 48 hours was enough time…

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**** EPOV ****

We saw each other for a few minutes on Tuesday morning, and I could tell she was excited to spend the day with Alice and Rose. They'd managed to keep whatever it was a secret, which annoyed me to no end. Even though we always tried to give each other as much privacy as possible over the years, suddenly I didn't welcome it. In all honesty, I was jealous of the time they were spending with Bella. Even though it was our 'moratorium' week, and we were supposed to be maintaining some semblance of abstinence, I hated being apart from her.

Alice dropped her off at Charlie's late that afternoon, and all I was able to figure out was that they'd spent the day somewhere outside Seattle. We spoke once by phone when they were on the ferry, but other than that, my sisters were able to shut me out. As long as she made it home in one piece, I decided I had little to complain about.

I called her after dinner, when I knew she'd be in her room reading or puttering around with last minute packing.

"Did you have a good day?"

"We did. Did they tell you where we went?"

"No. Would you like to? Being kept in the dark is a little unnerving."

"Huh. Imagine that. Where are we going for our honeymoon, again? I can't seem to recall."

"Ah ah ah, Bella. That won't work. I'm more patient than you. I can wait to find out what you did today. I'm sure it will come out eventually."

"Well, aren't you Mr. Smug Pants."

"Snug pants, maybe…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing. So what's going on tomorrow that keeps you away from me all day?"

"I um, have some projects to do around the house for Charlie."

"Anything I can help with?"

"Um, no."

"Hmm. It seems stupid to ask if there's something you're not telling me because, obviously, there is."

"It's nothing Edward, I just want an extra day all to myself, that's all. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay, love. I just miss you. I keep telling myself you're only a few minutes away, and I could be there, in your bed waiting for you, in the time it would take you to go downstairs, kiss Charlie goodnight, and come back up again."

"You miss me?"

"Of course I miss you. I miss you when you're more than five feet away from me. I miss you when I'm not holding your hand, when my lips aren't on yours, when I can't feel your breath on my neck."

"I miss you, too. I wish you were here right now, but that's not going to happen."

"What would you do with me if I were there?"

"Edward…"

"What are you wearing, Bella?"

"Just a sec - "

I heard a muffled thump, two clicks, a swishing sound, a louder thump, cursing, and then she picked up the phone again. "Bella? What was that? Are you okay?"

"I turned off the light, locked my door and stubbed my toe on the foot of my bed."

"Oh Bella…"

"I'm fine. It's a toe. Now, what did you just ask me?"

"Hang on…" I put the phone down and stripped my clothes off. "I said, what are you wearing?"

I heard her sigh, and she quietly responded. "Nothing, now. How about you?"

"Same here. When I close my eyes, I can see you on your bed in the dark, with moonlight on your body. I wish I were the moonlight."

"I close my eyes and you're here, sitting in my rocker, naked and asleep."

"Asleep?"

"That's why they call it a _fantasy_, Edward."

"And how would you wake me up?"

"I come over to you, while you sleep in the rocker. I'm on my knees in front of you. I rub my hands on your legs, up and down your muscles. Your body is… relaxed. Soft. I lean in to kiss you, there, and rub my cheek on your smooth, soft skin. I can smell you."

"Bella…"

"I touch you. I take you in my hands, and feel you just barely begin to be aroused, but you're still asleep, still soft. I kiss you, tasting you, and take you into my mouth. You begin to harden, my tongue encouraging you to awaken, and I can feel you growing."

"Oh, god…"

"I keep going, until you are hard as stone, seeping... Soon, you're awake, and I feel your hand in my hair, at the back of my neck. You're not pushing me, but guiding me, showing me what you like, what feels good, what you need. You tell me how good I make you feel, and you're making all your wonderful sounds, and before long, too soon, you're nearing the end. I'm not ready yet, so I back off. I'm just touching you, stroking you softly, letting you cool down a bit, and then I begin again. I'm teasing you, tasting and biting gently, sucking and licking and making you squirm in the chair. You're begging me, thrusting your hips without realizing it, pleading with me to let you come. And when you do, I drink you down, every drop, as you moan my name."

My orgasm rolled through me; lonely and empty, but brought on by her words alone. I could feel her mouth in my mind, and it was enough. She heard me whisper her name as I came.

"…Edward?"

I couldn't answer her yet.

"Babe? Are you okay?" She sounded worried.

My voice was a mess. "God, Bella, I need you…"

"Tell me what you need, Edward. Tell me what you dream about."

"Our meadow, we're in our meadow."

"Okay. I'm there, with you. The trees, the wild flowers…"

"We're on a blanket, right in the middle, and the sun is shining. We're both naked, facing each other, touching, kissing…"

"I like this. I want to be there, with you, too."

"I roll you onto your back, and I'm propped on my elbows, our bodies touching everywhere. I move my hips to enter you… I can't do this, Bella. It's too much."

"Shhh. Hey – it's me. You can say anything to me, no matter what. Tell me what you see. Tell me what you fantasize about."

I took a deep breath, unnecessary physically, but emotionally calming, and continued with the fantasy. "I move to enter you and you cry out my name, moaning and cursing and begging for more. I spear you with my body, over and over again, and you're writhing beneath me, your head thrashing, your arms clutching at my shoulders. You're gasping for breath as I continue, with firm, strong movements. I see sweat beading on your skin, and your legs are a vice around my hips, pulling me in, deeper and harder. Your eyes are fixed on mine, pleading me, begging me, and I can see it building in your eyes as they lose focus. I am elated, in ecstasy knowing that my body can do this for you, that we fit together so perfectly, that this is everything we both wanted it to be. I can feel you quivering around me, at least, I imagine that I can. You whimper and cry out my name one last time, and as your orgasm begins to fade, and your eyes focus on mine again, I explode. It's over too soon, and I want you again, and again."

I realize as my words trail off, that she is breathing heavily, and I hear a drawn out groan, then a gasp. She's come to my words, as I did with hers.

"Bella? I love you."

"God, Edward." Her voice was even more ragged than mine. I heard a swooshing sound, and her breathing changed.

"Are you still there?

"I get cold afterwards, so I pulled up the comforter."

"Oh. Right. I should let you sleep, love."

"How much longer, Edward?"

"Three more nights until the wedding."

"If I asked you to come over tonight, right now, would you?"

"Yes, I would. Is that what you want?"

"I really need to feel your arms around me, and I need a good night kiss."

"Say the word, love. I need that, too."

"My window is unlocked."

"I'm on my way."

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**** BPOV ****

I quickly pulled an oversized tee shirt over my head, and lay back on the bed to wait for him. Hearing him describe making love with me was incredible, and I loved that just hearing his voice over the phone could get me so close to orgasm. I barely had to touch myself, and I was right there, coming with him, as he described it.

My window slid open, and he was with me. He looked at me from the foot of my bed and held out his arms. I stood and walked to him. He put his hands on my face and looked me in the eye, smiling, as he leaned in to kiss me. It was slow and passionate and tender and full of everything we felt during that phone call. All the desire and lust, the longing and anxiety of being apart, the afterglow of the orgasms we'd fantasized and given each other, the desperate need to be close. All of it was in that kiss. He held me in his arms, strong and solid, until I yawned. He kissed me again, soft and sweet, and whispered 'good night.' I nodded and allowed him to tuck me in.

"Thank you for coming over."

"Thank you for asking. Sweet dreams, love."

I saw him wrinkle his nose as he leaned out the window, and I knew he was trying to identify the scent. Alice assured me he'd never figure it out, but the glint in his eye told me otherwise. I'd just have to wait and see.

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**** BPOV ****

"I can't believe you are all going to do this, just for my family. You really don't have to. It is completely above and beyond the call of duty."

"Bella, darling, please. We _do_ have to, and your mother and Phil, and Charlie, too, are expecting it. Besides, we make it into a competition of sorts whenever we do this. Carlisle is always the best, but Edward likes to compete with his brothers to see who can fake it just as well."

"I just can't believe there isn't some other way. It's just… gross."

"Don't think about it dear, and just enjoy yourself. We're all grownups, and making sacrifices for the people you love comes with the territory. We love you. A little physical discomfort is nothing, compared to that. Now here, take these plates to the dining room and give them to Rose. She should be just about ready to set the table." She kissed me on the cheek and returned to the kitchen.

Renee and Phil got there first, with Charlie a few minutes behind. The men all went out to the back patio to bond over beers that only two of them enjoyed. I helped Esme with the last minute details of our dinner while Alice and Rose entertained my mother with fabricated stories of Edward's youth.

We sat down at Esme's beautiful dining table, and Carlisle surprised me by calling us to say grace by bowing his head.

"Heavenly Father, we thank you for the extended family gathered at this table, and for bringing us together in good health to celebrate Bella and Edward's new life together. We thank you for the hands that prepared this meal, and for the nourishment it provides. We ask that you continue to bless us with the joy we receive in each others presence, for many years to come. In your name, Amen."

We weren't religious, by any means, but I should have known Carlisle would feel a need to honor his birth family at times like this. He was, after all, the son of an Anglican minister.

Dinner went smoothly, with pleasant conversation, good food, wine, and the delicate clinking of silver on china. I'm not sure why, but the fact that they all had impeccable table manners seemed odd. In my head I'd always pictured them 'feeding,' thanks to Edward's warnings, like frenzied sharks. To see each of them not only using napkins and multiple forks, but eating _solid food_ so convincingly was beyond surreal. Carlisle was easily the best performer at the table, but Edward and Emmett ran a close second. Apparently Emmett's need to excel at everything even extended to fake eating. I was surprised to see that Rose struggled the most, and I caught her discreetly squirreling bites of salad into her napkin. My family noticed nothing out of the ordinary, for which I was grateful.

Pastor Weber arrived shortly after dinner and we had a dry run of the wedding ceremony. Afterward, he stayed to have dessert with us, then pulled Edward and I aside.

"Do the two of you have any questions before tomorrow?" he asked.

Edward and I shrugged with smiles as we looked at each other

"As I told you both when we last met a few weeks ago, you are both very blessed to have found your life mates so young. You have many years ahead of you to grow together or apart. The commitment you'll be making tomorrow demands that no matter what obstacles life presents, you'll face them with honesty and faith in one another. The task you've invited me to perform is one I take very seriously, and I consider it my duty not only to oversee the ceremony, but to do everything in my power to support you in giving it your best shot. I know no one likes to think about the possibility of divorce, but it is a sad statistic. I personally believe many marriages collapse under the weight of poor communication. Please come to me if you ever feel you need an extra ear or shoulder, and I'll do my absolute best to help you find one another again."

Edward kissed my cheek as I brushed a tear from my eye. He shook Pastor Weber's hand.

"Thank you, sir. Bella and I are very fortunate to have found each other, and even more so to have the support of so many wonderful people. We'll never forget your kindness, or your offer."

He smiled at Edward and patted his shoulder, then called his goodbyes to everyone as he left.

The evening wound down soon after. Charlie went home first, anxious to take off his suit coat and tie. Renee would probably have stayed all night, but Phil said he was tired from all his recent traveling with the team. At some point Alice and Jasper had snuck out, presumably to rid themselves of their unwanted gorge. I knew the others would all have to do the same at some point, and I tried not to think about how unpleasant it must be.

I cuddled up on the couch with Edward, my feet tucked up under me and his arm around my shoulders. He turned my face towards his, and I wanted to pinch myself.

He kissed me, hesitant and sweet. "I'm going to marry you tomorrow."

I stared into his beautiful warm eyes, and ran my fingers through his hair. Somehow it felt like my eyes could betray me, like the image of him in front of me might not be real, but having my hands in his hair, feeling his cool forehead pressed to mine, reminded me that he was.

"I love you," I whispered, and he nodded in agreement.

He smiled after a moment, and I knew he was hearing someone's thoughts.

"Emmett wants to know why you aren't a nervous bridezilla."

I heard Alice's laughter from the kitchen. She shouted at Emmett "because she has me, you nitwit. If she were nervous, that would mean I hadn't done my job properly. She has nothing left to be nervous about…"

Her voice grew nearer as she spoke, until her voice was a purr in my ear.

"…unless it's about her wedding night."

Edward rolled his eyes, no doubt hearing a colorful internal commentary from Emmett.

I turned and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm more worried about making it down the stairs in one piece than I am about my wedding night, Alice."

She smiled at me as Jasper took her hand and led her away. "Goodnight, Bella," he said, tugging her up the stairs.

Carlisle and Esme followed Emmett and Rose out the back door after we told them good night.

Edward was quiet in the car driving me back to Charlie's for the last time. He walked me to the front door and stopped there with his hands on my hips.

"Have I ever kissed you on your father's doorstep before?"

"I don't think so."

He put one hand on my cheek and softly touched his lips to mine. The kiss quickly became heated and hungry. We were oblivious to the front door opening until we heard Charlie clear his throat. The kiss ended, but he didn't release me from his arms.

"Alice just called me and told me to tell you to send her brother home, and that you need to go to bed or you'll be 'puffy' in the morning."

Edward laughed, which in turn made Charlie laugh, at which I rolled my eyes.

"Good night, love. Sleep well." He kissed me one more time, a sweet peck suitable for my father's eyes, then shook Charlie's hand.

"Good night, son."

Charlie pulled me under his arm and we watched Edward drive away. I had no doubt he'd soon be in my room to give me one final kiss, but standing there with Charlie was a moment I wouldn't have traded for the world.

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* * *

things are winding down here at mind over matter... next up, the wedding...

check my profile for my entry to the LJ "Twilight 25' contest - a series of drabbles (100-words-only) based on single-word prompts - lots of fun! each one is a stand-alone, and most so far have tended towards AU and dark/angsty.


	18. The Longest Day

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

* * *

_Previously:_

"_Good night, love. Sleep well." He kissed me one more time, a sweet peck suitable for my father's eyes, then shook Charlie's hand._

"_Good night, son."_

_Charlie pulled me under his arm and we watched Edward drive away. I had no doubt he'd soon be in my room to give me one final kiss, but standing there with Charlie was a moment I wouldn't have traded for the world._

_._

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_*** BPOV ***  
_

We stood there on the porch, after Edward drove away, for several minutes. Charlie had his arm around me, and we just stood there, looking out at the yard and the night sky. I heard him cough, or clear his throat, I wasn't sure which. He wrapped his other arm around me, too, and pulled me close. I felt his breath in my ear, through my hair. "You'll always be my little girl, right?"

I wasn't sure what to make of that. I pulled back to look at him, and was surprised by what I saw.

"I mean, you're marrying into a damn nice family, with money and all, and going away to school and Carlisle's a good man…"

"You'll always be my Dad, okay?"

He sniffed his nose and smiled, nodding. "Good. Now get yourself to bed." He kissed my temple and softly pushed me inside. "I don't want the tiny terror to blame me for anything being 'puffy' tomorrow."

I squeezed his hand before I started up the stairs, and smiled at him. "Good night, Dad."

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_...later..._

"...I don't want to stay long, but I wanted to tell you good night, properly."

"Properly?"

He pulled me into his arms, at the foot of my bed, memories of our past swirling around me like motes. I was dizzied by the flurry of nights in this room; nights I dreamt of him before he ever came to me, nights spent in his arms but still distant, nights I spent devoid of life after he left, and the more recent nights we spent building up to this one.

He traced the contours of my cheeks with his fingers, his face inches from mine.

"I don't know if there is a proper way to say good night tonight, actually; our last night apart, the last night before we're joined forever. I want to lay with you and hold you all night, tell you all the wonderful things I'm feeling, kiss you for hours on end, and show you that for the rest of eternity nothing will fill me like the sound of your voice saying my name."

"Oh, Edward…" I closed my eyes and listed to his words,

"I told you earlier that I am, but I'm not really marrying you tomorrow, Bella. I think I married you the first time we kissed."

I felt his lips on mine, tender and hesitant like the first time, so long ago.

"In spite of everything that has happened, all that I am and the pain I've caused, all the fear and loss and longing, you still love me. I am astounded by your immense capacity for acceptance and forgiveness, and humbled that you still want me. Of all the people in the world, your heart chose me. I look forward to spending the next thousand lifetimes making sure you never regret that."

He smiled, and brushed his thumbs lightly under my eyes to wipe away the tears threatening to fall.

"Sleep well, love. I'll see you in a few hours. That's all that's left – just a few short hours."

I nodded, and pecked another kiss on his lips. I was unable to speak.

His cool hands trailed down my face and neck, to my shoulders and on to my fingertips. I stretched out my arms to touch him as long as I could as he stepped away, and then he was gone, through my bedroom window for the last time.

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**** **Alice** POV ****

"Where did you get it done?"

"Oh, Alice found a place in Bellevue that specializes…"

"Well, they did a damn nice job. It will be a nice little surprise for him, won't it? Now, grab the iron above your head, there, yes. No – put your knee back where it was so I can just see the side of your behind. There."

I heard the shutter clicking more slowly than it had the last time she took Bella's pictures. The photographer was being more deliberate, and kept looking around the room for new ways to pose Bella.

"Alice, can you move that pillow a bit? The one on her right – yes – it's too much there, just pull it out. Let your shoulder fall back, yes."

I pulled the pillow out of the way, and moved to straighten Bella's hair a bit. I hated that they wouldn't let me curl it, or even brush it out. She said she wanted the pictures to have that 'morning after' messy look, and her natural bed-head seemed to fit the bill. We added some smoky liner to her eyes, and a bit of lip color to balance it out, but otherwise left her face bare. She was arranged on Edward's bed grasping the iron vine of his headboard, with her knees bent to one side. I had to admit, it was going to be lovely. She had to convince me about the henna – I thought it was a ridiculous idea at first, but when she reminded me of the Kama Sutra I'd bought her, it made perfect sense. It wasn't a traditional design, but the delicately curling floral vine mapping her curves looked amazing.

"Okay, Alice, let's see what we can do with that shirt."

I handed Bella a tuxedo shirt and black tie, identical to the one Edward would be wearing in a few hours. We fiddled with it for a few minutes until the photographer got it just the way she wanted. We left the cuffs open, and the front unbuttoned, with the tie loose under the collar. We positioned her in front of Edward's open window, billowing sheer curtains moving in the morning breeze, and the indirect morning light casting soft shadows around her.

"Okay, pull the collar up to your nose and close your eyes – yes, as if you could smell him on the shirt… Relax your other hand a bit, yes. Okay, now face the window and spread your arms out to the edges of the frame – no, that looks like you're awaiting execution. Put your hands on the glass at shoulder height – a little farther apart, no - a little higher, maybe ear height? Yes. Alice, I need you to do something with her shirt – here, try this."

She handed me a heavy black binder clip.

"See if you can fasten that in the front so that it pulls the shirt up – I want to see just the bottom of her rump, but the shirt is too long. Play with it and I'll see what it looks like from here."

We couldn't get it to work without it looking like a potato sack or a knotted t-shirt.

"What about this?" Bella dropped her right hand from the glass and balled the front of the shirt in her hands, pulling it tight on her hips and showing a little of her back side.

The photographer smiled. "Alice, come here."

I stood next to her and giggled at what the photographer saw. "Straighten your right elbow, no, hunch that shoulder a bit - and spread your feet just a little."

The photographer smiled again and nodded appreciatively at my posing direction, then added to it. "Tilt your head to the left a little, Bella, lay it on your raised arm. Not quite so much – yeah, and tilt your head back a little too. Perfect. Hold there. Alice," she said, pointing at Bella's shoulder. "Go fix that piece of hair that's bunched up on her collar."

Bella, standing there in Edward's shirt gazing out his window, looked like she was touching herself, but nothing was showing. It was a gorgeous pose.

The camera was clicking furiously, from a variety of angles, until there was a knock at the door and Bella jumped.

"I'd bet money that's my mother."

"It is," I said, before even opening the door. The photographer shot me an odd look. I cursed myself for the slip. I shrugged my shoulders and said "No one else knocks like that." She nodded and began fiddling with her camera.

I let Renee in the room after Bella pulled on Edward's robe.

"I'm going to go find the men, so let me know when you're ready to start dressing and we'll shoot some of that, too." She smiled at Renee as she scooted past her at the door.

"Oh, Bella! I'm so excited for you! It's my baby's wedding day!" Renee gushed as she pulled Bella into a bone crushing hug.

"Thanks, Mom."

"I need to start getting Bella ready, Renee. Would you like to help me put a little brunch together for her? All she's had is coffee since I picked her up at Charlie's a while ago. She can use Edward's shower while we're downstairs."

"Thanks, Alice," she whispered back at me.

She'd become very good at whispering so quietly only we could hear her. I nodded and escorted her mother out of the room.

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**** **Charlie** POV ****

I puttered around the house all morning feeling like a lost dog. Killing time until I needed to be at the Cullen's, I stood in front of the fireplace staring at her baby pictures. I thought about all the time I'd missed with her over the years. Now, today, here she was full grown and getting married. It made me smile to think they had their whole lives ahead of them, but then had to grit my teeth at the thought of what would be going on in a honeymoon suite somewhere in just a few hours. I shook my head, as if _that_ visual could be jarred loose. She was still my baby girl, no matter how old she was, or any of that. I'd changed her diapers. The thought of anyone else… Yeah, stop that thought _right there_.

He'd better be good to her or I'd find a way to hide his body in small pieces.

When he'd come back here from wherever the fuck he'd gone, it pleased me to see him terrified to be in my presence. I made sure he understood my position, and he worked damn hard to prove to me he deserved a second chance. All things considered, I had little choice in the matter, seeing how Bella had already forgiven him. It never was within my power to keep them apart. Some things just can't be fought.

I knew he was a good kid; a little quirky in some of his mannerisms, but on his way to becoming a fine man. He'd certainly loosened up in the last few weeks, which was a good thing. If I had to be totally honest, I'd have to admit he was a hell of a lot more mature than I'd been at his age. As much as I hated thinking it, they probably had a better shot at making their marriage work than Renee and I ever did. They both had good heads on their shoulders, well beyond their age. There was no denying what they felt for each other – you could see it in their eyes every time they were in the same room together. Frankly, it made me a little jealous. It had been a long time since I'd felt that for anyone, _Renee_, and it pissed me off that it still bothered me after all these years. Renee was happy, Phil was a decent guy, and I… needed to get a life.

I picked up the phone and made a last minute call, hoping she'd forgive me for the short notice, and hoping that somewhere, on a fishing boat in heaven, Harry would understand.

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**** EPOV ****

Bella stood at the top of the stairs, radiant, next to her father. I heard Mrs. Weber playing Bach faintly in the background, and knew that we were surrounded by thirty or more of our friends and family, but the entire world at that moment was only her and I. I watched her take the first tentative step, and caught a glimpse of Angela behind her, fiddling with the hem of Bella's gown. With each step she took, each stair tread, each measured foot closer to me, the pull between us grew ever stronger. I memorized the near-mischievous glint in her eye, the healthy glow of her skin, each carefully arranged loose curl, the angle of her fingers around her bouquet, the way her gown clung to her curves, and her small feet taking each cautious step closer to me, closer to being my wife, closer to forever.

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**** BPOV ****

I stood in Edward's bedroom and hoped I wouldn't die of a heart attack before I made it to the stairs. My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, my knees were knocking, and I suddenly regretted agreeing to make my entrance via the staircase. Charlie patted my hand as he wrapped it around his arm, and I was vaguely aware that Angela was a couple of steps behind me. She handed me my bouquet, a tight bundle of moonstone roses wrapped together with blush pink satin ribbon, and kissed me on the cheek.

"You're beautiful, Bella. Take a deep breath; everything's going to be fine."

Charlie nodded his head in agreement and we walked to the head of the stairs. I braced myself and saw our families and friends looking up at me expectantly, and then I found him, flanked at the altar by his brothers and sisters. As soon as my eyes locked on his, I knew I'd be fine. He was waiting for me, and had been for longer than I could fathom. The Christmas-morning look on his face made me smile. I wanted to run and throw myself into his arms and press myself against him so tightly that no one could tell where I stopped and he began. He beamed, and I wondered if he'd finally been able to hear inside my head. I felt my face heat at the thought, and took the first step toward my future.

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We exchanged our vows, promising to love, honor and cherish in the same way countless thousands had done before us. Pastor Weber spoke of patience, kindness and hope, of rain and shelter, and of oak and cypress. We barely heard a word. We seldom took our eyes from one another but to place our rings on the third finger of each others left hands, and when we allowed them to close as we kissed.

It wasn't a kiss of searing passion, or erupting desire, or chaste façade. It was a kiss of gratitude and humility, of awe and anticipation.

But it lingered a heartbeat too long, and the spell was broken by Alice's bubbling laughter, which spread throughout the rest of our guests. We broke apart with a smile, and greeted our families.

"…_Edward and Isabella Cullen, Husband and Wife."_

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It was over an hour later before we had ten seconds alone. He pulled me into a quiet corner while everyone was eating. He'd kissed me like that before, but never as my husband. I was breathless and desperate to drag him upstairs to his bed when he finally stepped back.

"I have a surprise for you."

"What?" I wasn't sure my heart could take much more abuse, but it was pounding again anyway.

"Look." He gently turned me to face the open door onto the back terrace. Just barely within the edge of light at the tree line, I saw him.

_Jacob._

I choked back a sob and covered my mouth with my hand. I looked back to Edward, stunned that he would do this, knowing the way things had been after the battle.

"It's okay, love. I'll be right here. I'm okay. Go ahead."

I walked to Jacob with a heavy heart, not knowing what to expect, but hopeful he'd been able to find some peace.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hey, Jake. Wow – you look great."

"Thanks. Borrowed the suit, but it seems to fit okay."

"You didn't have to do that. I'm just glad to see you. It's been too long."

"I know, Bells, and I'm sorry. I just needed some time, and to be alone for a while. It's still not… easy… to be here, with him."

"I know. I'm just so happy to see you, none of that matters to me right now."

"You look amazing, you know?"

"Thanks. It's been quite a day, I'm exhausted. Glad to know the makeup's holding up."

"You never needed makeup, Bells. You've always been beautiful."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting his complement, but didn't want to encourage him either. After a few moments silence, he spoke again.

"Are you happy? Truly happy?"

"I am, Jake."

"Good. I needed to hear that."

"You will be, too. I know you will."

"I don't know, Bella. It's really hard."

"There's someone out there Jake. Let her find you, and don't try to make her into me."

"Okay, Bells. Hey, can I give you a hug? You know, bff's and congratulations on your wedding day and all that?"

"Sure, Jake. I'd like that."

He gently put one arm around my shoulder and curled me up against his chest. I felt him tremble as he let out a long breath, and then a small kiss on the top of my head. I knew Edward was still in the doorway, watching. He held me for just a moment longer, then let go. I touched his cheek as I stepped back. It was damp.

"Will I see you again?"

"Yeah, I don't know, Bells. We'll see."

"Oh. Okay."

"I mean, I'm not going anywhere, so I guess we might run into each other. Charlie and my dad still fish damn near every weekend, so yeah, I'm sure we'll see each other."

"I'd like that Jake, as long as it's okay with you. You know, if it's not too hard."

"We'll see."

Seth stepped out of the shadows and patted him on the shoulder. They shared some silent message with their eyes, and Jacob nodded.

"I better go now, Bells. Leah's getting nervous and wants to leave. You really do look beautiful. And I'm glad he makes you happy."

I smiled. "Thanks Jake. I'll see you soon, right?"

"Sure. See ya."

With that, he and Seth turned and walked off into the woods.

It struck me in that moment, as I watched the hulking young man I'd known since childhood lope off through the woods, just how lucky I was. I'd had the measureless love of not one amazing man, but two.

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The rest of the evening passed in a fog. Edward seldom left my side, and his touch and kisses grew more and more heated as the night wore on. By the time Alice dragged me upstairs to help me change into traveling clothes, I was ready to say screw the honeymoon and ask Edward to let us spend the night at the Best Western in P.A.

"You've got a long night ahead, but hopefully you'll get some sleep on the plane. I tried to get him to spend your first night in Seattle, but he refused. So – you've got about eighteen hours ahead of you. He's going to kill me for telling you, but you deserve to know.

"_Eighteen hours_? Where is he taking me, Africa?"

"Emmett would kill him if he took you on safari without him. No, not Africa, but that's all. Don't ask me anything else. You'll figure it out when you get to your layover."

She helped me out of my dress, brushed out my hair, and left me to change into the outfit we'd chosen a few weeks ago. Knowing I was going to be trapped in an airplane for most of the next day, I scrubbed my face clean as soon as she left the room. I heard her chuckling as she walked down the hall.

I made it back down the stairs in time to see Carlisle and Emmett carrying our luggage out to the car.

Edward stood at the bottom of the steps waiting for me, one hand held out.

"If you'd taken any longer, I'd have come up to get you." He placed a wet kiss on my neck behind my ear.

"We can go back up if you like."

"Only if you don't mind all our family and friends hearing you scream my name while I make you come."

I laughed. "Who says I'll be the only one screaming?" He closed his eyes and growled when I bit his earlobe.

We said our goodbyes, some of them tearful, and endured a shower of rice. He squealed the tires on our way down the driveway, leaving our family and friends waving behind us.

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**** **Carlisle** POV ****

It had been a beautiful day, everything went off without a hitch. Bella and Edward were probably just arriving in Seattle, and would soon begin the trip to Rio. I closed the front door after the last of our guests, Phil and Renee, departed. They'd helped us with a good portion of the cleanup, even after I told them it was no trouble for us to manage on our own. Little did they know that we would have finished the job faster had we not needed to do everything at human speed. It made Renee feel like she'd contributed, so we didn't refuse her offer to help.

"Are you coming, husband?"

I knew that tone of voice, and it thrilled me when she used it. My devilish wife, sweet and demure, and ravenous all the same. She was already on the stairs, heading to our room.

"Esme, darling, I'll be up in a moment."

"Yes, you will," she replied, enjoying our double entendre.

My other children had gone off to the hot springs, and I was glad for the rare hours alone with my wife. We seldom had an opportunity like this; there was always someone hanging about. Now that we all had mates, I hoped that our next relocation might include separate cottages on a single parcel, affording us each some small measure of privacy when we wanted it, while maintaining the nearness we all craved.

I turned out the lights and locked the doors out of habit, before joining Esme upstairs. I heard the shower running, and decided to join her. I stripped quickly and stepped in behind her. She knew I was there, of course, and allowed me to stand and admire her uninterrupted, as I frequently liked to do. She had a lovely, womanly body. She was youthful, of course, having been turned at only twenty-six, but childbirth had softened her figure before she was changed. I was glad she hadn't succumbed to the fashion of the day and bobbed her hair. I loved the sight of it trailing between her shoulder blades. She was a vision before me; curvy and wet, awaiting my embrace. I was ready for her, and aching.

"They made a handsome couple, didn't they?"

"Yes, but not half so much as we did on our wedding day." I slid my hands across her generous hips, around her waist, then up to her slippery breasts, enjoying their weight. She arched back, pressing her body to mine, feeling my readiness.

"I need you, Cal," she whispered, placing her hands on the tiled wall in front of her.

"Oh, Mae… yes." I slid into her with long-practiced ease, and soon found a rhythm that satisfied both our needs. I watched my body sinking into and withdrawing from hers, listened to the sounds she made, felt her constrict around me...

Even after eighty years, we never tired of one another, never failed to find bliss in our union, never let more than a day or two go by without connecting. I could make love to her for hours on end, never tiring, never sated, even after all this time.

Her voice matched mine as I cried out her name with our release, grateful for the empty house. I hated that my children often heard me, but hated more to restrain myself. They weren't children, after all, and never were while under my roof. My primary regret was always for Edward, never knowing the arms of a lover until now, yet having to hear the nightly murmurs of passionate coupling surrounding him on all sides.

My beloved Mae helped to bathe and dry me after we loved, and then curled up in my arms. Even though we didn't sleep, we often lay together in the evenings, when the outside world was still. Perhaps it was a remnant from our human lives, the desire to lay quietly in another's arms, the need to turn out the lights and be at peace for a few hours. I felt at ease knowing that all my children, Edward included, finally had a lover to share such moments with.

We lay there for quite some time, touching and talking, sharing our recollections of the day, our pride for our son, and our hopes for their honeymoon. We loved again, patient and tender, remembering our first time. In a few hours half a world away Bella and Edward would be having theirs, and it made me smile.

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**** EPOV ****

Of course she guessed our destination once we reached Houston. It was obvious from the flight we were waiting for; it was plastered all over the gate. They announce it before you board, they announce it once they close the hatch, they announce it once you reach cruising altitude, they announce it when you cross the equator, they announce it before you land... I had so looked forward to seeing her face once we landed in Rio, but never once considered that my carefully guarded secret would be foiled by a flight attendant on a PA system in Texas.

My consolation was that she still had no idea about the island. We'd leave the Rio airport, hopefully near dusk, and take a taxi to the marina. The boat would definitely be a shock to her. She'd look at me as if to say 'what were you thinking,' but she'd never say it out loud. Once we are under way, I'd let her stew a bit, and before long the island will come into view. That's the moment – that will be the _real_ surprise.

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**** BPOV ****

I was exhausted, and pissed. As soon as we left Forks, I wanted to just leap into his arms and proceed with the sexing and forget everything else, but there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen. The flight to Houston was torture. I was still on an adrenalin high, and was barely able to keep my hands to myself. When I realized we were flying to Rio, I was dumbstruck. I couldn't imagine anywhere that made less sense for him to take me than _Brazil_. I hoped he spoke Portuguese, or this was going to be a very difficult honeymoon.

We had a three hour layover in Houston, and then a ridiculously long flight to Rio. There are few things in this world that make me crankier than waking up in a car except, perhaps, waking up on an airplane. I was stiff, I felt disgusting from breathing recirculated air for hours on end, I wanted a scalding hot shower and a bed with clean sheets, and I wanted to sleep laying flat rather than folded up like a Japanese fan. Thank god we were flying first class, or I might have been ready to commit murder. He kept assuring me it was all worth the wait, but after three airports in eighteen hours, neither of us was getting lucky before I had a shower, a decent meal, and a long freaking nap. Halfway there, I was so _done_ that I didn't care if we _ever_ had sex. I just wanted to _sleep_.

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**** EPOV ****

I knew I'd planned poorly by the time we finally landed in Rio. Bella was set on high simmer, and not the good kind. We made it out of the airport exchanging less than a dozen words. The cab ride to the marina was silent. I don't think she cared anymore where we went, as long as it was over soon. I wished I'd taken Alice's advice and stayed last night in Seattle, or the cottage they'd prepared for Bella's birthday next month.

We got to the marina and I had to wake Bella up, yet again, and drag her out of the cab. The driver was kind enough to help me carry the luggage while I carried Bella to the slip where we kept the boat. When she saw the boat, her look of defeat made me want to kick myself.

"A speedboat, Edward? Are you fucking kidding me? There had better be a shower on there somewhere, and a damn big bed, or you are headed to divorce court."

I was pretty sure the cabbie didn't speak English, but he gave me a sympathetic look anyway. I'm sure the tone of her voice spoke volumes.

"This is the last leg, Bella, I swear. Thirty or forty minutes, and we'll be done. I'm so sorry love, I just wanted to do this a certain way, and…" She kissed me quiet.

"It's okay. I understand, and I know I'm being a bitch. I'm just really freaking tired."

"Have a seat over here, love, and we'll be under way in just a minute."

"What's that?" She pointed to an envelope taped to the ignition. It was marked with my name, in Carlisle's elegant script.

I opened it and pulled out a thick vellum note with the Cullen crest engraved on the front. "It's from Carlisle."

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~*~

_My Dearest Son, _

_I want you to know how much Esme and I love you, and how proud we are that you've chosen the difficult path laid before you and Bella. I sincerely wish your parents could have stood at my side to see the fine man you've become, and to congratulate you and your beautiful bride as you begin this journey._

_Few things truly worth doing come easily, and sharing your life with someone is the most rewarding commitment anyone can make. Though the road may be hard, I have faith that, as in all things, you will travel it with grace and careful attention. _

_Rejoice in each other in this all too brief time you have apart from the world, and know that your family loves you and wishes for you to have all the happiness you both deserve. _

_With love,_

_Carlisle_

_~*~_

_._

_.  
_

I read it silently to myself, twice, before reading it aloud to Bella.

She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. "So, Captain, where are we bound?"

I felt the burn of arousal, hearing her sleepily suggestive tone.

"That's the best part – sit back and relax, you'll begin to see in just a few minutes."

I took the helm and negotiated our way out of the marina towards open water. As soon as it was safe, I opened up the throttle, hearing Bella's laughter over the roar of the wind and engines. The sun was setting at our backs, turning the beach a glowing pink. I could see the island long before she could. When she finally caught sight of it, she was as speechless as I expected. The lights in the house were on, reflecting off the surf as we docked the boat in a small lagoon. Once the boat was secure, I turned to her.

"Isle Esme," I whispered, and she launched herself into my arms.

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* * *

so this is almost it, my lovelies... one more chapter.

what did you think of the wedding day photo shoot? We had a lot of POVs in this chapter, too...

Bec (BloodRedLust), the brief Cal and Mae shower schmexing was just for you, cuz Esme is indeed a MILF..... xox, bb


	19. At Last

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, nor any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._

**and so.... the final chapter.**

We have dueling POV's.... enjoy!

* * *

_Previously: _

_The sun was setting at our backs, turning the beach a glowing deep pink. I could see the island long before she could. When she finally caught sight of it, she was as speechless as I expected. The lights in the house were on, reflecting off the powdery sand as we docked the boat in a small lagoon. Once the boat was secure, I turned to her._

"_Isle Esme," I whispered, and she launched herself into my arms._

_._

_._

_.  
_

_******Bella******_

"An entire _island_?"

He smiled at me and swept me into his arms. "So, am I forgiven for the last eighteen hours of travel hell?"

"Not quite, but you're on your way."

He carried me up the path to the house, then across the threshold, beaming.

"Home away from home," he whispered as he put me down.

The entry was beautiful, with a direct line of sight to a great room facing the beach, and an open central courtyard.

"Come on, I'll give you the nickel tour."

The house was shaped like a wide 'C", with four individual suites radiating from it; one for each of the couples in the family, connected to the central courtyard and the shared great room. He showed me through the rooms, each of them reflecting their owners' taste but still conveying an island vibe. Rose and Emmett's suite was done in darker tones than the rest of the house, with heavier, more masculine furniture. Jasper and Alice had their rooms decorated in pale woods and soft blues and greens, blurring the line between indoors and out. Carlisle and Esme's suite was my favorite. It was furnished in a retro theme, with vintage rattan furniture and bright, tropical barkcloth fabrics. I could just picture Esme reclining on one of the matching chaises, wearing a strapless wrap dress with a huge red hibiscus behind her ear, like a 1940's pinup.

Edward apologized to me before opening his door – _our _door. "It's not as elaborate as the other rooms. I refused to turn Alice loose."

For a moment I was afraid that might mean milk crate tables and a mattress on the floor, but realized this was _Edward_, after all.

"I decorated it myself," he whispered, swinging the door wide.

It took me a minute to start breathing again after the door opened. The first thing I noticed was the expansive view of the main beach, visible through three enormous floor-to-ceiling sliding glass doors. Gossamer white curtains framed the view, and my eye drifted to the rest of the room. The floors were covered in pale tan Japanese mats edged in black, accenting the ebony furniture. There was a pair of small sofas and a low table near the patio doors, and bedside tables flanking the enormous pencil-post canopy bed. The bed was dressed with ice-green linens, drawing color from a grouping of prints over each nightstand; beautiful fern leaves on white mats, framed in black. The entire room was perfectly Edward; cool and understated, quiet and elegant.

"It's… beautiful." I felt him smile as he kissed my temple.

"I'm glad you like it."

Through the open doors I could hear the surf lapping, only yards away. It was dark already, the beach illuminated by what light spilled from the house. Aside from my own breathing, the only sounds were of water meeting sand. I was instantly rejuvenated, surprised by the jolt of adrenalin and arousal I felt. For the first time since arriving I realized we were alone, and this was it. We were married, and this was our honeymoon. I took a sharp breath at the realization. Edward squeezed my hand, apparently having been struck by the same observation.

"I'm going to bring our things in. You can look around if you like, and then I'll make you something to eat?"

"Yeah, okay." He kissed my cheek and left me to explore. The closet was large, but the bathroom was positively _opulent_. I poked around briefly, then made my way back to the great room. The kitchen was all bright stainless and Carrera marble, and the great room was like something out of a travel magazine. I was startled from my reverie by the sound of Edward opening the refrigerator.

"I had some things prepared for you in advance, but the kitchen is fully stocked if there's something specific you'd like."

"No, whatever you have on hand… Who…?"

"Caretakers. We probably just missed them when we arrived. They made sure everything was ready for us."

I picked at what he laid out for me, but I was distracted. I couldn't get out of my head why we were here, and it just kept playing over and over again in my head on repeat: _Honeymoon. Sex. Married. Wife. Husband. Sex. Married. Honeymoon. _

_Shit!_

I realized my eyes must have glazed over. Edward was babbling nervously about something, and then his tone of voice took a nosedive.

"I mean, it was just a thought. If you want. Or we don't have to. We could… I don't know. …Bella?"

"What? I'm sorry, got a little lost there."

"I was just asking if you wanted to go for a swim. Or if you're tired, we don't have to. Or we could just sit and…"

"I'm sorry," I whispered, placing my fingers lightly over his lips. "It's okay." I kissed him softly, hoping to pull him back from the edge of panic. "I'm nervous too. Everything is going to be perfect, because it's _us_."

He nodded, pressing his forehead to mine.

"Yes, let's go for a swim. How about if I take a shower and wash off some of the last three thousand miles, and you straighten up in here?"

"Okay, love."

I left him standing in the kitchen, and walked back to our room. The shower was huge, with a bench seat and a dozen shower heads pointing at every inch of my body. I wondered how long it would take to drain the hot water heater.

_Perhaps we'll have to figure that out…_

I scrubbed off three airports' worth of grime and exhaustion, letting the pounding water wash it all away.

_I'm a wife._

The thought made me stand a little taller, and made me feel surprisingly _womanly_ for once, which made me smile.

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_******Edward******_

She kissed me, all too briefly, before walking back to our bedroom. I had the remnants of her meal disposed of before I heard the bathroom door close. I waited until I heard the shower start, and then went in. I dimmed the bedside lamps, pulled back the bed covers, fluffed the pillows, changed how the sheets were arranged at the foot of the bed, and fluffed the pillows again.

_Oh god. This is it._

I realized I was basically fidgeting, and had to laugh at myself.

_Stop over-thinking. It's going to be perfect, just like she said. It's just us._

I tried once again to shake off the nerves. Moving to the closet, I began to unpack. I hung up some shirts, admiring how they looked hanging next to the few things she'd unpacked. I reached for my swim trunks, and then thought better of it. I had a feeling most of the clothing we'd brought would end up unused. I stripped down to nothing, tossed my clothes into a basket in the back of the closet, threw a towel over my shoulder and walked down to the beach.

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_******Bella******_

I stepped out of the shower and began to dry off, but realized that was pretty stupid because I was just going to get wet again anyway. I walked into the bedroom and saw that he'd readied the bed for us.

_This bed. _

_Tonight. _

_Hours. Minutes? _

_Soon._

I wrapped my towel around me, tucking one corner in above my left breast, my heart pounding. I walked through the open patio doors and saw that he'd taken two chairs down to the beach. He'd draped a towel over one, but he was nowhere to be seen. I hoped he wasn't playing some sort of game with me, hiding from me, when I finally saw him surface a few yards out, just barely visible in the lights from the house.

_God, he's beautiful in the moonlight._

I felt a familiar tight surge of warmth radiating throughout my body at the sight of him. I took a deep breath and laid my towel next to his. I hadn't planned any particular grand reveal for the tattoo, but figured this was as good as any. I took a few slow steps toward the water line, and was swept into his arms.

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_******Edward******_

The water was warm, maybe eighty-five degrees or more, enough to take the chill off my skin if I stayed in long enough. I swam out, wanting to take a few minutes to calm myself, and then realized she wouldn't see me if I ventured too far. I turned and headed back in, finally standing when the water was about waist deep. She was there already, standing by the chairs, loosening her towel. I stopped walking for a moment, just watching her, backlit by the few lights I'd left on in the house.

I nearly stumbled when I realized she had some sort of… tattoo?... curling sensuously from breast to hip on her right side, resembling a sort of abstract treble clef, vined with delicate flowers.

_She marked her body? For me? _

My cock, already eager for what was to come, responded almost painfully. She took a few steps toward me, and I met her on the shore. My mouth and hands were hungry on her body, and I had to pull back when I heard her gasp. I was afraid I'd already forgotten my strength and managed to hurt her, but her look of bewilderment reassured me that I had not. She attacked me, her hands and mouth matching the assault mine had dealt her only seconds before. I lifted her into my arms and took her out to deeper water, stopping when the sea carried most of her weight.

She wrapped her legs around my hips, with my cock sandwiched between us, nestled amongst her curls, dangerously close. I stood wide legged, bracing against the chest-deep rolling surf. We stood that way, grinding on one another, kissing and groping and panting for I don't know how long. I reached down between us and rubbed against her, feeling every contour, ripple and fold of her sex.

I guess I hadn't thought this through very well. I was achingly hard, poised to plunge inside her should she invite me to, but I knew the saltwater wouldn't do us any favors. I moved myself against her, nearly out of my mind with need. She was so close; ready and just _right there._ I heard the words in my head that I'd told her so long ago, the first time I admitted to her how desperately I wanted her.

…_I want to fill you, to feel you surrounding me, …to hear what sounds you'll make, to hear my name on your lips when I enter you, …to know what that feels like, to be where I belong, to give myself over to it, to be a man, inside the woman that was made for me…_

Those words were never more true, and the sentiment never more urgent than at that moment.

"I need you, Bella… god, I need you."

She responded with a deep moan as I caressed her sex.

"Yes… inside… now."

Rather than stand there and debate semantics, I took that to mean 'take me indoors, please,' instead of 'penetrate me immediately.'

I carried her back to the beach, stopping only to retrieve our towels. We rinsed off in the outdoor shower, getting rid of as much salt and sand as we could. We dried each other briefly before giving up, our hands impatient for the next step. I laid her on my bed, _our_ bed, and stood for a moment, looking at her in the soft light. She was brown and pink, warm against the cool sheets, all curves and sweetness and need. She reached for me with both hands, knees elevated and parted, inviting me in.

I knelt between her legs, our hands roaming everywhere they could reach. I wanted to taste the gift she was about to give me. I wasn't sure how long I would last the first time, and needed to make sure I'd made every effort to care for her first. I kissed her at the juncture of her thighs, eliciting a drawn out sigh. I took my time, tasting her until there was no remnant of seawater on her flesh, and only _Bella_ remained. It didn't take long before she was grunting and quivering through her release. I laid my head on her thigh, watching her body's reactions to what I'd done. I wiped my face on her hip and smiled at the wet smear there – another laurel wreath, another token of victory, another reward.

.

.

.

_******Bella******_

I needed to kiss him, needed his mouth on mine. As soon as I could breathe again, I pulled him up to me, stopping him before he could wipe off his face entirely. I wanted to taste that, to taste myself on his lips, on his tongue. It suddenly seemed like the most erotic thing in the world, to see his wet face and know it was _me_ that dampened his skin.

He held himself above me as he kissed me, and I was overcome by the need to feel him everywhere, for his skin to be my own, for his body to be my own. I felt that my chest would open up and swallow him entirely; that he might be able to crawl inside the void and become part of me. I felt the thick heaviness of his cock pressing against me, the tip barely angled inside. He leaned back from me a bit, putting enough distance between us that it angered me for a moment. I was astounded at his restraint.

His voice was soft and quiet. "This is it, love. Are you ready?"

His eyes were so beautiful in that moment, dark and eager, but still full of the tenderness and care than underpinned everything.

"Yes. Please…"

He resumed his position, hovering above me, perched on one elbow as the other hand slowly rubbed his slippery cock against me. My eyes rolled back in my head and I was unable to answer with more than a moan.

"You have to tell me if this hurts more than you expect, if I do something wrong."

I nodded vehemently, hoping he was unaware that, short of utter agony, there was no way in hell I'd make him stop. "I will. Please, Edward…"

"Love, look at me."

I hadn't realized I'd closed my eyes, so vivid were the images playing behind my lids. I looked at him and placed my hand on his cheek, nodding, softly saying _yes_ as he pressed himself into me. His eyes grew wide and he clenched his dangerous teeth tight together.

There was no jolt of agonizing pain, no moment of tearing flesh that you hear about. I figured that was due to Pink, our weeks of practice, and Edward's patience with my body. I definitely felt myself stretching, yielding more and more, filling with him in a way that was incredibly _right_. I was hungry for him, my body taking him in, welcoming him. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face.

_Home._

He stopped, and I was afraid it was because of my tears. I whispered his name, my hand still on his cheek.

His voice was strangled, weak, his brow furrowed as if he were in extreme pain. "Are you alright? I think you're bleeding a little."

My eyes grew wide.

"I'm okay," he whispered, calming my fears.

"Please, don't stop."

He nodded and firmly sheathed the rest of himself within me in one definitive thrust. I cried out his name, and he shouted words I couldn't understand. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, trembling.

"Shhh, baby, shhh." I ran my hands lightly up and down his back. "God, you feel so good, Edward."

"Oh, Bella… god, I never imagined..."

He grunted when I squeezed my hips up towards his, and again when I relaxed; effectively moving myself on his shaft.

"God, NO! Bella, _please_ hold still."

"I need you to move, _please_..."

"I can't – god, the heat - I'm barely hanging on…"

"Just let go." Somehow in the course of our relationship I felt as though I'd become the teacher, that it was my place to support and encourage him as he figured all this out, even though it was really a matter of the blind leading the blind. I think I knew all along it would be like this, and that it would always be harder for him, no matter how much preparing we did. He spent too many years denying his needs for this to come easily, to let his sexual instincts take over. "Move for me, baby. Just try to move."

He pulled his hips back hesitantly, and moved back in, loudly growling at the sensation.

I could barely breathe. "God, again..."

He did it again, and again, never developing a smooth rhythm, each stroke choppy and coarse.

I wrapped my legs around his hips and crossed my ankles behind his ass. With his next withdrawal, I pulled him back to me sharply, making us both grunt at the new depth he hit.

"_Bella!_ Can you – is that okay?"

"More…" was the only word I could get out through my rapid breaths.

He began to move more deliberately, still erratic, but with more purpose. The raw power bubbling behind every stroke left me yearning for a time when he could give me all of what I knew he had within him. After fewer than a dozen strokes, he groaned my name, low and throaty, and kissed my neck and my ear. "I can't hold on..."

I felt him shudder, and then twitch as his body emptied itself within me, his body straining as he shouted my name to god, then whispered his love for me over and over.

.

.

.

_******Edward******_

There was nothing that could have prepared me for that moment, that entire experience. There were no words adequate to contain it, or express it. I wanted to give her something, something more than words to equal what she'd given me, equal to my restored sense of humanity, equal to my renewed manhood, equal to my gratitude. There was nothing, and never could be. She took me, a lifeless monster, hideous to myself, and turned me back into a man, into a lover and partner and husband, and gave me back everything I'd lost, and everything I never wanted to admit I desired.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I whispered as I kissed her, hoping she knew the words would never be enough.

.

.

.

_******Bella******_

He was ready to go again almost immediately, and I was also. He once cursed his near constant erection, finding it an embarrassment, but I think for once he saw it as a blessing. He smiled as he entered me the second time, no doubt thrilled that he finally knew what to expect. I was slightly tender, already feeling an ache in new places, but the combination of his cool flesh filling me and the look of complete joy on his face made me forget all of that. He kissed me the entire time, stopping only to whisper in my ear how good it felt to finally touch me like this.

It was still over too soon, but his movements were considerably more confident, more fluid.

_Fast learner. _

As incredibly intense as the first time was, the second was almost better, even without my own climax. I didn't feel like I had to hold his hand, but could relax into the experience and appreciate it for what it was instead of some monumental _event_.

Edward and I were _making love._

My incredibly beautiful _husband_ finally made love to me.

I'm not sure how much later it was before I fell asleep. I remember him continuing to kiss me, his hands softly exploring my body, but I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I remember us giggling at the sticky mess our bodies had become, but neither of us wanting to do anything about it. Part of me liked feeling the evidence of what we'd done, but another part hated the thought of trying to sleep that way. Eventually he left the bed and returned with a fresh towel and a warm, wet cloth to help clean me up. It was embarrassing at first, but the tenderness of the gesture made me feel cherished and cared for.

The quiet sound of the surf, the sigh of crashing water tumbling in on itself and rolling against the waiting shore, lulled me into a perfect calm. I had my lover's arms, my _husband's_ arms, around me in my marriage bed, and it was perfect.

.

.

.

_******Edward******_

I struggled throughout the night to keep my hands to myself, knowing she desperately needed to rest after the last two days, and especially the last few hours. I kissed and caressed her as she fluttered around the edges of wakefulness during the night. She occasionally tossed and turned, but settled only when our bodies touched: a leg thrown across my hip, an arm around my neck, or her rear pressed against my side. The contact seemed to sooth her back to slumber.

The greatest torture came just before sunrise. She flipped over to face me, resting her head on my chest, with her hand at my groin, fingers curling possessively over my penis. I had to smile at the implied possessiveness. I felt her begin to stir before long, her feet and legs straightening rigidly; then her back arched as the stretch worked its way through her body.

Her fingers slowly tightened around me.

"Ahh, OH! Easy with that hand there, gorgeous. That kinda tickles."

"Mmmmm. Good morning," she purred.

"Good morning, yourself.

She realized she had a grip on my hardening shaft and giggled, stretching again. "I think I strained muscles I didn't even know I had."

I smiled. _Wouldn't Emmett be proud._

"Are you alright? I mean, you mentioned blood…"

"It wasn't much, but it was enough to make me have to regroup for a second to keep from mindlessly plowing into you."

"I saw you clench your teeth."

"It was a tense moment, but it passed as soon as you moaned my name." I smiled and kissed her ear, then whispered "are _you_ alright?"

"Let me see." She reached between her legs and palmed herself. "I don't feel too bad… here... mmm, yessss."

I propped myself on my elbows, watching her touch herself.

With a devilish look on her face, she straddled my groin in one quick move. "Yeah… I think I'm fine."

"You are waaay beyond 'fine', Isabella Cullen, but that's not what I meant."

She leaned forward to kiss me, wiggling her hips suggestively over my straining erection. "Show me what you got, coppertop."

I hesitated for a minute, then laughed my ass off, remembering her words. _Pink and a supply of coppertops... I think I like that nickname…_

"Lifetime supply, right here…" I pressed myself into her fully, never breaking our eye contact.

This is what I'd wanted to see, that look on her face. She moaned as I slowly traveled within her, every muscle in her core, every ripple of her flesh wrapped around me without gaps; tension, friction, need, all in balance. I moved as smoothly as I could, withdrawing almost completely and filling her again, raising and lowering my hips as she held herself above me. I was stunned that this was real, that I was so easily in complete command of myself; the song of her blood but a fading echo in comparison to the sounds she made when we were making love.

Without breaking contact, she leaned back, her hips remaining elevated on my thighs. I placed one of her hands flat against her belly just above where we were joined. I carefully withdrew, and slowly stroked into her again, watching the awareness spread across her face as she felt me moving within her, under her hand. I could almost see the distortion of her abdomen as she accommodated me…

"That's me, inside you," I whispered. She moaned and pressed her hand tight against her belly, doubling the sensation.

.

.

.

_******Bella******_

All I could do was nod. I could feel every inch of him, burrowing deep in my body, beneath my flattened palm. My orgasm was slow and rolling, intensified by our position. His pace increased slightly and he closed his eyes, moaning and gritting his teeth as his sex twitched inside me, spilling out of me. It was over, again, too soon. I felt like an addict, desperate for that orgasmic high over and over again, as soon as it was over.

I collapsed at his side, panting for breath. He turned to me and smiled, brushing a lock of sweat-matted hair behind my ear.

"I love you a little more every time I touch you."

Each time he said something like that my heart did little flip-flops in my chest. I nodded and smiled, placing a small kiss on his lips.

"Were you planning to tell me about this?" He trailed one finger over the lines of my tattoo.

"Do you remember the morning after the first time you took me to the hot spring? When I watched you play?"

"Yes…"

"I love watching the way you move when you play, and I kept thinking that soon you'd touch me that way."

"So, the treble clef. But a _tattoo_, Bella?"

I had to laugh, amazed that I'd actually been able to keep the secret. "Edward, it's henna. It's temporary. It's actually already faded quite a bit."

"Henn… ahh! The Kama Sutra, that same day!" He pulled me into his arms, softy laughing.

I smiled. "It was a good day."

"It was, and this is beautiful." His fingers trailed along the vine beneath my breast, making me shiver.

"So, what's the plan for today?" I asked, imagining that he had all sorts of things up his sleeves to keep me busy.

"You mean, aside from more of _this_?"

"Careful, big guy. You don't want to _wear me out_ before you _break me in_."

He groaned at hearing me repeat Emmett's words, still from that same day. "No, I don't want to wear you out. I have no plans, other than me and you, that beach and this bed."

"Sounds like heaven."

.

.

.

_******Edward******_

I went to the kitchen to make her some breakfast, but got no farther than pouring her coffee before I heard the shower running. Of all the things we'd done, and not done, aside from sex itself, this was one thing I particularly looked forward to sharing with her.

I carried her cup down the hall and into the bathroom. The wall of steam that hit me was heavy with scent; hers, mine, and sex. I had to brace myself against the countertop while I inhaled deeply, twice, three times. I could just see the blurry outline of her body through the rippled glass door. She was standing under the main shower head with her face tilted up to the spray, letting the pounding water scour her face and scalp.

"Bella?" I didn't want to startle her.

She leaned back from the spray and turned towards me, wiping her hand through the condensation on the shower door. I held up the coffee cup for her to see.

"Mmm, you read my mind." She slid the door open far enough to grab the cup and take a sip or two. She handed the cup back and kissed me.

"Want some company?"

"Why? Are we expecting visitors?" I loved her sarcasm.

"Just one, but I'd like to help you get clean before he _comes._" I stepped in with her and slid the door closed. She laughed at me and turned me so I was under the shower head. I couldn't help moaning when I felt her soapy hands on my chest.

"Why haven't we done this before?"

"I was wondering the same thing," I whispered.

"Doesn't matter now, anyway." She turned me around and began to wash my back and arms, then my hips, legs and feet, and finally my… everything else. I'd become somewhat accustomed to having her hands on my balls and cock, but no one since my mother, wiping my infant ass, had ever touched me _there_. It startled me, but her touch wasn't indicative of any intent other than to be thorough.

When she finished with me, I returned the favor. I began with her beautiful hair, lathering her scalp and then working the resulting suds through the rest of her hair. I took my time, enjoying the feeling of her warm, slick skin under my fingertips, and the contour of her curves and muscles. I noticed a faint bruise blooming on each hip and stepped back in horror. _My hands?_

She must have been expecting the reaction because her hands were on my face before I could begin to apologize.

"It's okay. You didn't hurt me. I don't even know when it happened, but I guess it was this morning."

"Bella… I…"

She kissed me, and when I calmed she spoke again. "I love your hands on me. I love to feel your strength, to feel you hanging onto me. I'll tell you if it's ever too much."

I pressed my forehead to hers and nodded, pulling her tight to me and returning her kiss. After a moment, I resumed my task, rubbing her shower gel up and down her legs, then finally between them. She pulled back abruptly.

"No soap, not there. Things are a little sensitive, so water only."

Between the bruises and this, I was beginning to hate myself. I'd hoped the amount of venom my body produced during sex would help heal any abrasions, but apparently Carlisle and I were mistaken in that assumption.

"It's okay, we just need to take it easy for a little while. It will be fine. I expected this."

I nodded and rinsed the gel off, then cupped my hand over her sex to funnel warm water across her irritated skin. I could tell she was a little swollen, inflamed. I finished rinsing her off and we stood under the hot spray for several minutes, enjoying the warmth and the closeness. Eventually she turned off the water. I guess she knew I never would. I loved the water. I must have been born part fish.

"I'm hungry," she muttered, tossing a towel at me.

"Well, we can't have that."

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.

.

_******Bella**** **_

I pulled my wet hair up with a clip, threw on a short cotton sundress and carried my coffee cup to the kitchen for a refill. Edward was already whisking eggs for an omelet, and had a bowl of cut fruit to go with it. I watched him work, shirtless and wearing only a pair of low-slung, soft linen pants.

"When I'm turned, will I be as graceful as you?"

He turned from the cook top to look at me, confused.

Everything you do, from driving you car, to whisking eggs, to just standing there – you're just so beautiful."

He plated my breakfast and walked around the island to where I was seated.

"I can't even begin to imagine you more beautiful than you are at this very moment."

I nodded against his chest, my heart full with his words. He kissed the top of my head.

"Your eggs are getting cold."

He carried them on a tray out to the patio and watched me eat.

"Hey – there are two black books on top of my suitcase. Why don't you go get them?"

"Are they what I think they are?"

"That depends."

"Albums from out photo shoots?"

I just smiled. He was up and back before I finished chewing the last of my eggs.

"Do you want to look at your own first, or mine?"

He pulled his chair up close to mine. "I want you to see my pictures first, and save yours for last."

I pulled the book marked with my name and the date out from it's protective sleeve, running my fingers lightly over the black leather. I opened the cover and smiled. What would have been a title page bore a single image and a dedication.

The image was of Edward, seated in a wing chair in front of a window, wearing his tuxedo. He was leaning forward, elbows on knees, hands loose between them. He wasn't facing the camera, but sort of down and to the side, a soft smile on his face. After a moment, I realized the angle of his face made it look as if he were looking at the words beneath his picture.

_Isabella, my Beloved Bride,_

_I give you myself, body and soul, for eternity._

_Ever Yours, _

_Edward_

I lightly ran the back of my fingers over the image and his words.

"Go on," he said. "Look."

I took a deep breath and watched his hand reach out to turn the page for me. I couldn't suppress the giggles that erupted when I realized what the first pair of pages held. You could almost hear their voices and the banter back and forth. It was a collage of Emmett and Jasper 'helping' him get into his tux.

"These weren't posed," he said. "I wasn't really even aware she had begun shooting."

"She's good like that. She did the same to me."

The first I noticed had Jasper and Emmett standing aside, smiling, their hands on their hips as Edward tucked in his shirt. In the next picture you could see Edward swatting at Jasper's hand, fiddling with his tie. In another, Edward stood tall while Emmett smoothed the jacket across his shoulders. The single image on the opposing page was of Edward, looking pensive, holding an open ring box in his hand.

"God, she's _really_ good." I wiped a tear from my cheek. It amazed me the series of emotions she evoked, all within a single two-page spread.

"They came out even better than I thought."

I nodded and turned the page, holding back a snort with my hand clamped over my mouth. I slowly turned to look at him, and discovered a mile wide grin. "You didn't."

"I did," he laughed. "Don't ask me how, but I did."

The two-page spread was almost like a stop-action filmstrip of Edward, doing a striptease with the tux.

_Bow chicka bow-bow._

"You know what this is, don't you?"

"What?" he asked.

"It's wife porn, made just for me."

"Just wait," he whispered, nuzzling my ear. I felt my face heating instantly. "It gets worse. Or better…"

The next page made me laugh even louder than the last.

Edward, Emmett and Jasper were shirtless, wearing only beat up jeans, each of them a stunning specimen of deliciousness in their own way. They had their arms draped loosely across each other's shoulders, obviously teasing each other fiercely, wearing, of all things, _fake vampire teeth_.

"Oh my god, Edward!" My side hurt from laughing.

He laughed right along with me, obviously pleased with himself. "I liked it so much I had it enlarged and framed for Esme."

"What on earth did the photographer say?"

"She laughed and just sort of went with it. I told her you'd think it was funny, and she didn't ask for any more explanation than that. She was thinking some interesting things about biting, though."

"That? Right there?" I said, pointing at the teeth. "That is _priceless_. Brilliant."

When I stopped wheezing, I was able to focus on the right hand page, and was again astounded at the erotic sweetness the photographer had captured. Edward was leaning against a wall, half facing a tall window. He was still shirtless, the top of his ratty jeans popped open, hanging low on his hips. He had one knee bent, his bare foot propped on the wall, and his arms hanging softly at his sides as he looked out the window. The raking light from the window casting beautiful shadows across his face and torso.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Can't you tell?"

"Well, you do look a little _happy_, in places."

"I was thinking about you, of course, and I had a hard time with _that_ the entire day. You should have heard Emmett. Plus, she kept asking me leading questions about our relationship, and her thoughts were always very erotic."

I continued to go through the book, filled with page after page of beautiful images. One entire spread was dedicated solely to close-ups of his hands; draped languidly across his body, twined in his hair, dipped below the waistband of his jeans, clasped softly behind his head, covering his eyes as he laughed, spread across the keys of a piano, and covering my breasts. Another spread was dedicated to his face, deep in shadow and full of emotion, and another to his body; stretched taut, twisted, flexed. One spread towards the end really surprised me, and I gasped when the page turned to reveal it.

"Is this okay? I wasn't planning on going this far, but it all just flowed from one thing to the next, and this is where we ended up. I actually think they came out well."

He was completely nude in several of the shots, more or less facing the camera, and partially erect in one of them. My eye was drawn to that first, and I found myself a little angry, and jealous. I took a deep breath before I said anything, and allowed my eye to take in the rest of the images on the page. He wasn't looking at the camera in the nude shots, but slyly to the side, a half grin on his lips. In the image that concerned me the most, where he was clearly aroused, his face looked almost embarrassed, shy. It made me smile a bit, and took the sting off my jealousy.

"She was thinking about asking me about our sex life, trying to bring out different expressions in my face, and trying to figure out a way to get a bit of a physical reaction with just her words. It startled her that she hadn't even said anything, and yet there it was… I was reaching for the sheet to cover myself, and apologizing, when she took this."

Once I got past my juvenile concerns of another _woman_ seeing him like this, I had to admit it was truly a beautiful photograph, and spoke volumes about the distance we'd come to build up this level of intimacy between us, that he allowed himself to do this. Here he was, completely sexual and _male_ in the basest sense, but still my sweet, reserved Edward. It made my mouth water.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's beautiful."

He kissed me softly, but it quickly deepened. After a moment or two, he pulled back. "I'm glad you're okay with it. She and I talked about it for quite a while, whether or not to include it. She finally convinced me to keep it in."

"I have to admit, it pissed me off at first, that she saw you like this. But the look on your face, it's obvious you're not thinking about her."

"I was most definitely _not_ thinking about her, except to apologize."

"I do think it means we won't be able to share this book with the rest of the family, though."

"I have a box back at home with several opaque sleeves she gave us to censor the books for family viewing… We can cover the pages we don't want to share."

I smiled and nodded, turning to the last page.

It was Edward seated at his piano with his back to the camera, a little like the morning after the hot springs. The astounding thing was that over the image was a transparent vellum overlay…

_Me, lying across the topboard, wrapped loosely in the blue kimono, one breast exposed where my arm had dropped towards the keys, our hands almost meeting._

She had managed to merge the one image I specifically requested, with one of him at the same piano.

He took the book from my hands and looked at it, lifting the waxy sheet of vellum to look at the image of himself beneath, then returning the ghostly overlay to its original position.

His voice was just a whisper, almost as if he didn't intend for me to hear. "She told me to think about you like this, and I heard it in her thoughts… she had to have planned this, and I had no idea. I didn't know yet that you were having pictures made, too."

"Now I really want to see mine." I handed him the book with his name on it. He looked up at me and smiled.

Similar to his, the title page image was of me in my wedding dress, with my back to the camera, my face and the front of my dress reflected in an enormous cheval mirror. My words, below, were eerily similar to his.

He turned the page, laughing at the similarity of the layout to his own. The first spread comprised Alice and Rose helping me dress, with one image in particular catching his eye. I was clutching the front of my gown with both hands at my breasts, barely holding it up. The cheval mirror was behind me now, revealing the entire back of the dress wide open to my tailbone, with a white lace thong peeking out. Alice was kneeling at my feet fiddling with my shoes, while Rose stood back and laughed. The opposing page mirrored his. I was seated near a window, the camera shooting over my shoulder at my hands folded on my lap wile I touched my engagement ring. Just a small portion of my face was visible in partial profile at the top of the image.

He leaned over and kissed my temple. "I love you."

We continued to flip through the book, much of it similar to his, with spreads devoted to my hands, or my face wearing different expressions. He finally got to the spread I looked forward to most. They were extreme close-ups of various parts of my body. It took her a bit to talk me into some of them, but overall they were really beautiful; the back of my neck with loose tendrils of fine hair, the swell at the bottom of one breast, the corner of my jaw, a dimple at the small of my back, my navel with a faint line of hair headed south, a shadowed profile of one erect nipple. I got goose bumps looking at them.

"Wow." Was all he said, which made me smile.

The next image was the partner to the last one in the other album – the piano, with a vellum overlay. In this book, I was draped nude on the piano, partially facing the camera this time instead of on my back, again with one hand dangling over the keys. The overlaying image was of him standing so that he was just in front of my hips, one hand on the raised fallboard, the other ghosting perfectly over my own on the keyboard. I would have been hard pressed to choose a favorite between the two sets of images.

This was where I expected the book to end, but I remembered we'd done one final set of shots together, and the only thing we'd seen from that was one shot in the other book with his hand covering my breast.

This book had one final spread that the other did not. He looked at me and smiled, then turned the last page.

.

.

.

_******Edward******_

I knew the last spread had to be the images we'd shot together, but neither of us had yet to see them. We told her to pick out the best, and use her own judgment on how to use them in the book.

The first image that struck me filled the right hand page, the final image in the book, one of the final images she shot before laughing and leaving the studio. We were on the bed, with Bella leaning back on her hands. I was trying to get my legs out from under hers and had leaned forward, my lips reaching for her sternum, and my cock, tall and eager, was visibly reaching for home plate. While it was exceedingly more revealing than anything I would have allowed when I first agreed to the shoot, in the context of the albums it was the perfect culmination image. What began with our wedding clothes and reflections on our commitment, ended with the consummation of our vows, or very nearly so, as far as the picture was concerned.

My eye finally drifted to the collage on the left hand page and I had to laugh. Topmost among them was my 'Al Gore' moment, when she was posing us near of the window. We were still wearing the satin robes, and I had one arm draped across Bella's chest to cover her breasts, and she had one hand on my hip. She was blushing furiously, laughing and looking off to the side while I buried my face in the crook of her neck. I'd practically goosed her with my erection. Thinking about Al Gore was the first thing I latched onto to get myself under control, but it eventually worked.

The remaining images were from the same set; one of Bella's fingers fisted in my hair as I pressed my cheek against her bare belly, one of me looking down at her in profile while she took a playful bite of my pec, one of her hands holding fists-full of my ass. Every one of them made me smile, in stark contrast to the intensely erotic image that faced them, which I was drawn to again and again.

"It's a shame we didn't wait to have these printed until later. We could have included the ones from our wedding day as well."

"Yes, but this way we have something to look forward to when we get home. Did she take a picture of your tattoo?"

"Yes, sprawled naked on your bed, and another of me in your tuxedo shirt and nothing else…"

"Oh yeah? Well, she got me right out of the shower, dripping wet and laughing my head off, wrapped in the tiniest towel Emmett could find."

She stood to stretch, laughing at me, no doubt picturing me trying to cover myself with a hand towel.

She gave me a funny smile, then whipped her little white eyelet sundress up and over her head with a flourish and left me sitting there staring after her as she ran down the beach.

"Coming for a swim, husband?"

I had my pants off and was running before the words finished leaving her lips.

.

.

.

_******Bella******_

Day after day, we swam, we lolled in the sun, we made love, we bathed each other, he fed me, I slept, and then the cycle would start over again. We made love in the ocean, in the shower, on the beach, on the kitchen counter, on the boat, on the patio in the rain, standing against his bedroom door, bent over the living room sofa with his fist in my hair… each time better than the last. He indulged me by pretending he was tied to the bed, and I indulged him by letting him play naughty policeman. As the days went by, I slept and ate more and more, my body apparently taking quite a liking to either island life, or marriage, or both.

After we'd been on the island about two weeks, he surprised me with a bonfire on the beach. He'd apparently scrounged and collected dry wood from around the island while I slept. He dug a pit in the sand and lined it with stones, and assembled quite an impressive pyre. He fed me grilled fish and sticky rice with his own fingers while I lay on the back patio. I felt like a goddess being offered peeled grapes by my minions. After I ate, he lit the fire just as the sun was going down.

I lay back on the lounge chair, watching the stars come out, listening to the crackling fire and the gentle surf. I felt his hands idly playing with my hair, occasionally brushing my cheek with the back of his hand.

"Did you see that?" I pointed at the sky, for some reason thinking he'd know what I was pointing at, even though it was already gone.

"What, love?"

"A shooting star!"

"Then you'd better make a wish."

I closed my eyes, trying to think of one. "I can't."

"What do you mean?"

"They've all come true already."

He smiled at me, running his thumb over my lips. "You're such a sap."

I smacked him on the chest with the back of my hand. "You love it."

"I do, indeed."

"Make a wish for me."

"Okay."

I turned to watch him, eyes closed in concentration, but with a slight smile at the corners of his mouth. After a minute or two he opened his eyes again and whispered "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said. We joined hands and watched the fire, and the sky.

I was beginning to fall asleep by the time the fire died down. Edward carried me to our bed, where he helped me undress and climbed in beside me.

"I'm going ashore after you fall asleep. I need to hunt."

I nodded my understanding, hating to be apart from him even while I slept. "Make love to me first?"

"I was hoping you'd ask." He moved his body above mine, touching me everywhere.

"Can you hear the surf?"

He nodded and whispered into my ear "it's a nice rhythm."

I smiled and nodded back, glad that he understood. _I want this to be slow._

His movements were graceful, one slow thrust moving seamlessly into the next, the constant sensation of him exquisitely sliding into and out of me never faltering. There were no more halting thrusts, no urgent prodding. He was like the sea, pulling and pushing into me like unrelenting waves caressing the beach, joined so closely to each other you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

I reached my hands to where we were joined, spreading my fingers around him in a _V_. He leaned back far enough for us to look at what I was doing and we both moaned at the sight of his cock disappearing into me, shiny even in the low light. He hooked my knees with his elbows and brought his chest back to mine, knowing I loved the feeling of being held like this; claimed, possessed, owned.

"You feel so fucking incredible, Bella, so much more than I ever dreamed."

"Edward…"

I listened to the wet sounds of our bodies, his breathy grunts with every advance and retreat, and the muffled slap of our skin as our bodies softly collided.

"Harder, god…"

He nodded silently and increased the power of his movements, both of us racing towards the inevitable. I tried to meet his thrusts with my own, but the combined action threw his pace off and he slipped out of me, groaning at the loss. He quickly knelt between my legs and roughly pulled my hips atop his thighs as he reentered me. He hesitated for a moment with his hands on my hips, and I put my hands over them, giving them a squeeze.

"Go," I said, hoarse and pleading. _Please don't hold back._

He nodded, unleashing a new level of need I'd not yet seen. He pounded into me, moaning my name, his hands hard and tight, anchoring me in place as he speared me.

I heard myself cry out as if from a distance, felt my body tingle and melt as he brought me to orgasm. He shouted my name as my body contracted around him, and then he gave in. I loved to watch his face, to see the ecstatic relief, the surprise and joy and, inevitably, the sadness that the high was far too fleeting. He slowly lowered himself to me, waiting to break our connection until my breathing had begun to return to normal.

"Are you alright, love? I intended for that to be considerably gentler than it ended up."

"Mmmm. I feel wonderful." I smiled and kissed him wetly, expressing my gratitude with my lips and tongue.

"You do feel wonderful, of that there is no doubt."

"Flattery will get you everywhere."

He kissed me back. "I'll have to remember that."

He pulled the covers up over me after a little clean up, then took a quick shower and dressed.

"I'll be back in a few hours. Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine."

He kissed me on the forehead and left.

~*~*~*~

I woke up in a cold sweat; nightmares of swimming monsters and being eaten alive setting my nerves on edge. Edward had barely been gone two hours, and there was probably at least another two ahead of me before he returned. I threw on a flimsy robe and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water, but never made it that far. I heaved into the toilet, smelling my last meal. I wondered if the fish was bad. I splashed a little water on my face and brushed my teeth.

Thankfully, Edward had cleaned the kitchen before he left, so I couldn't smell the fish he'd cooked. I opened a bottle of water, flipped on a couple of exterior lights and walked down to the beach. I stood at the tide line, letting the waves lick at my toes until I felt them sinking into the sand. The cool night air felt good, helping to dissipate my nausea a bit. I walked back to the house and grabbed a blanket and pillow from the living room, and curled up on the daybed on the main patio, wishing he was home.

.

.

.

_******Edward******_

I found her sleeping outside, and wondered why. It was way too early to wake her, and assumed she must have had a rough night to have ended up out there while I was away. I took a quick shower and crawled in beside her, careful not to disturb her. She was restless, more than she'd been during the entire trip. She occasionally muttered sexy little nothings in her sleep since we'd been here, but nothing like the nightmare she currently appeared to be having.

"Bella? Love? Wake up, sweetheart." I kissed her on her shoulder and nestled in behind her warm body. She felt so good, like I'd been away for weeks, rather than hours.

Her hands caressed mine where they rested on her soft belly; I found myself strangely possessive of that spot. She'd put on a little weight since we'd been here, a fact I wasn't unhappy with.

"I'm so glad you're back. I feel like hell."

"What's wrong, love?"

"Do you think the fish I had last night might have been bad? I woke up sick after you left."

"I don't think so, but I imagine it's possible. It smelled alright when I cooked it – or at least, it smelled like fish should."

"Well, no more fish for a while, anyway."

"It's very early, would you like to sleep a while longer, or are you ready to get up?"

"I might as well get up, I guess. The sun's coming up."

I stood and held my hand out to help her up, but she was barely able to stand before clamping her hand over her mouth. I stood out of her way and opened the back door so she could rush to the kitchen sink. She made it just in time.

"Ugh. Go away," she groaned, no doubt hating me see her throw up. I held her hair back from her face while she rinsed out her mouth.

"No way. Job one is taking care of you. You think, after all this, a little of _that_ is going to chase me off? Give me a little credit." I gently carried her to our bed and laid her down. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I think I'll sleep a little more, after all."

I kissed her and tucked her in.

It was more than six hours later before I heard her stir. I checked on her hourly, but she seemed to be resting relatively peacefully, so I didn't wake her. I chalked it up to exhaustion, or a reaction to something she'd eaten, possibly the fish. When she finally awoke, it scared the hell out of me. I heard a loud crash from the bathroom, a gasp, and then silence.

I opened the bathroom door to find her in a heap on the bathroom floor, surrounded by all the toiletries that had fallen from her overturned cosmetic case.

"Bella, my god, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I was looking for some antacid – rolaids or something…"

"Those aren't rolaids, Bella. Do you need some help?" She was holding up a box of tampons.

"What's the date, Edward?"

"Uh, August 31st. Are you telling me this is PMS?" I knelt down beside her when I saw her face go ashy white.

"No, Edward. I'm telling you I'm five days late."

"Late, as in… _what_?" I knew exactly what she meant. There was only one meaning to those words when a box of tampons is involved. I just couldn't fathom that she was serious. _ That's impossible._

"Late as in _my period is late_. Edward," she said, waving the tampons, "my period is _late_."

I looked at her belly, softly rounded beneath her robe, and I couldn't believe my ears.

"I think I'm pregnant."

She took my hand and placed it over her belly. We were both trembling. I was speechless.

Somewhere in the background, I heard my cell phone ringing.

.

.

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_**~~~ The End ~~~

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**Please leave me a little love – you wouldn't part with an old friend without saying goodbye, yes? **

As I planned all along, our story now rejoins _Breaking Dawn_ in the middle of chapter 7, _Unexpected_, approximately page 127, when Edward's phone rings. The only difference is that Bella and Edward's relationship is now based on a more realistic intimacy, and you can ignore some of the self-loathing and angst Edward expresses during her pregnancy in BD.

~*~

This was truly my first fanfic of any kind. I go back and read it now from scratch and cringe at some of the things I'd do differently, but it has been a wonderful learning journey. When it started, I would have been thrilled to hit 100 reviews, and look at it now, close to 2000 reviews between here and twilighted. An amazing thing, for what started as a smutty little character study and a handful of naughty what-ifs.

Thank you to Easterner, my first fan and honorary Beta, wherever you are. To Stavanger1, for holding my hand when I was in crisis mode back in July and August, and for a fuckawesome banner that still brings in new readers over at Twilighted. To all my readers that found me early and stuck around, and to all my readers that found me late and reviewed every chapter in a single weekend – I wish I'd kept a running list of your names so I could thank you all. Close your eyes and imagine the smell of your favorite cookie, straight from the oven. Yep, I baked 'em just for you. **:**~D

**And now, I bid "Mind Over Matter" adios. See you at the hot springs; I'll be the one ogling E's bare ass, shimmering like pearls in the moonlight... or, at least I'll be the one at the front of the line.**

~*~

Just to reiterate - i have had several reviewers on Twilighted say 'write faster, update soon' but this is indeed the FINAL CHAPTER of Mind Over Matter. The intended story arc covered the period between the newborn battle in Eclipse, to the wedding and honeymoon in Breaking Dawn. I have kept the characters in canon as much as possible so that this story could still dovetail directly into BD... after having given Bella and Edward a more realistic foundation for their married life: intimacy and communication.


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